Visions of Darkness
by AJ Maxima
Summary: Xion's blind because of me, because I wanted to be something I'm not. I just don't understand how I could do something so stupid and insensitive, but you know what? I'm kind of glad it happened. We actually have something to talk about now, and I'm not letting our friendship slip away again. I'll be whatever she needs me to be; I'll even be her eyes. [Slow Romance]{Heavy Angst}
1. Initiation

**Disclaimer:** Ya know? Idk why I'm putting this here. I feel like it won't save any of us should we all spontaneously get sued... but these characters ain't mine. I just own the plot.

 **Chapter 1: Initiation**

I hadn't meant to break into Xion's house like this; it kind of just happened. Honest.

We used to be really good friends—best friends. Heck, even our _dads_ were best friends up until three years ago. Her dad's name was Zack Fair, by the way, and he was a SOLDIER in the military.

My dad's name is Cloud Strife; he's _still_ a SOLDIER…

I guess this goes without saying, but Mr. Fair… well, he… he died three years ago. He'd been murdered on the battlefield, and apparently, my dad had witnessed it, because Mr. Fair had saved his life when my dad was unable to protect himself due to Mako poisoning—whatever that is.

Not a day goes by without me secretly thanking him, because if it hadn't been for Mr. Fair, my dad wouldn't be here. He's the only reason my father came home that day. Zack was—and _is_ —a true hero.

But dad… he really didn't take his death well. I never blamed him for his behavior afterwards, though, because seriously, who would? This was Zack—everyone's hero, their friend … but my father had been the only person to call him "best friend."

Dad never talked about how Mr. Fair died, either, and no one knew what his body looked like because Xion's mother, Aerith, had requested a closed casket for the funeral. There was even a rumor going around that he'd been struck with hundreds of bullets, but he made sure that my dad didn't have a scratch on him—and he even managed to kill all of his enemies. However, on the day that he died, seconds before his death, Mr. Fair handed my dad his sword. Dad didn't go into detail about what else was said, but he said he made a promise to Mr. Fair.

And that sword… it's a cherished item in our house, and it's usually displayed on a large pedestal in our living room…

But um… see, thing is… Okay, I'd stolen it about an hour ago. There. I said it.

I already knew Dad was gonna freak when he found out.

Which brings me to the reason as to _why_ I'm here, at Xion's house. We weren't friends anymore, because sometimes people just drift apart, you know? –Wow, now I sound like Rai… I'd been hanging out with these guys too long. Back on topic here, I personally think Xion and I's falling out had more to do with _her_ and the loss of her dad…

I knew for sure that she'd _never_ speak to me again if she found out what I was about to help Seifer do, though.

This was my initiation into his group, and the Fairs had gone for the weekend. Their house was the perfect choice to do something this… this—

 _Stupid,_ I thought. _This is crazy stupid… What am I doing here?_

"Get over here, Chicken Wuss," Seifer commanded me.

I always wondered why the heck I wanted to be friends with him, but I'd seen him beat up Hayner enough times to know that sometimes it's best to keep your enemies close to you and stay on their good side, than to be on the receiving end of their wrath. Plus, destroying property was kind of a stress reliever if you lived at my house. Dad had never been the same since Mr. Fair died. He was kind of scary to be around because he was so quiet and on edge all the time—a living legacy of the term 'walking on eggshells.'

We were all wearing black—Seifer, Rai, Fuu and I—to blend with the night sky above us, and we were standing right in front of the Fair's house. It was a large house, pale blue in color, with red shudders and a white door. The lawn was freshly cut and there were two rows of hedges on each side of the white porch with flower gardens surrounding each. The pathway that led to the sidewalk was made of tan cobblestone.

"I'm coming," I griped, struggling to bring the sword forward. The steel item was making a small scraping noise as I slid it along the pathway, and I felt a bead of sweat dripping down my face from straining all this way with it.

I'm amazed we got the damn thing out of the house without waking anyone, but Seifer had done that for me after I let him in. I wasn't anticipating him handing me the item back after we had successfully gotten it out of the house…

Seifer came up to me and grabbed the buster sword like a pro, even if he played off his wince with a smirk. "Can't you ever do anything by yourself?" he asked.

He always sounded so condescending when he talked to me—like he did _everything_ himself. He had two goons to help him do his bidding, and if he wasn't complaining about my spiky, dirty blond hair, he was complaining about my strength—or lack thereof. It was always _something_.

I'm pretty sure he kept me around because of who my father was, though—the _only_ reason. My dad had become somewhat famous in this town after Zack's death—mostly because of his military achievements afterwards. It was as if he finally had the chance to be his own person without shadowing his best friend... That's kind of sad, but true.

"Hurry," Fuu said in a clipped voice. She was standing on the front porch, brushing her blue hair behind her ears, and she easily picked the lock on the front door. No alarm was heard as she twisted the silver knob and pushed the door open. "Done." Every time she talked, I thought of poetry night at a bar and how whenever a poet would put emphasis on a syllable for dramatic effect, the drummer would lightly tap their instrument. Then, there was the moment of finger snaps after said poet finished… Fuu would be _perfect_ for a place like that.

"Let's do this," Rai said as he followed her into the home. They both placed on their black ski masks, and Seifer did the same.

I grudgingly trailed behind Seifer, wondering how much trouble I'd be in. This went against everything I stood for—every moral my parents—and Mr. Fair had taught me… "Why Xion's house?" I hadn't exactly meant to ask it out loud, but it needed to be explained to me. I didn't understand why I was willing to do this. It wouldn't make my problems go away… but it… I just…

 _There's nothing I can say to validate this…_

Seifer grunted. "Why not?"

"Did you really need to use _that_ sword to do something like this?" I hissed. It was dumb of me to be asking about it now—after we'd gone through the trouble of bringing it out here. "If it gets scratched—"

Seifer whirled around, glaring down at me. "Do you want to be part of our group, or not? It's not everyday a sophomore gets to hang out with _us_."

There was a glower on my face as we had a standoff, but eventually, I nodded and pulled out my ski mask. "Let's just get this over with." I quickly put it on as we entered the Fair house, and I took a deep breath.

This was it.

I couldn't believe I was doing something so reckless—something so cruel to the _one_ person who'd always stuck by me…

 _I'm sorry, Xion…_

But the moment we entered the living room, and I saw Mr. Fair's picture, I knew I couldn't go through with it.

I just couldn't do it, you know? It wasn't right; it wasn't in me. Disrespecting the Fairs like this…

 _I shouldn't be here…_

Slowly, I began to shake my head. "I can't do this," I whispered. "Not to _this_ house—"

Seifer was about to say something malicious to me, until Fuu began destroying the coffee table with a metal bat, while Rai began cutting up the couch. He eventually pulled out a spray can from the pouch attached to his jeans, and he started spray-painting the right wall, while I looked on with horrified eyes. My jaw was dropped and my eyes wide. The beige shade of paint was now covered in red words of slander, courtesy of Rai.

"Too late to stop now," Seifer said with a smirk. He shrugged it off, lifting the sword. "May as well finish what we started." Before I could say anything, he stepped forward, swinging the weapon against the left wall. The vibration echoed like someone had taken a mallet and smacked a gong, because the wall shook from the force. Seifer even paused to gaze at the damage before he nodded and began making several holes that tore through the thick material like butter.

The way he laughed about it, as if this were actually fun…

If that sword hit anyone, they were done for… It was about four inches thick and it weighed quite a lot. _A buster sword... Zack's buster sword…_

 _What've I done?_

"Why are yew hewrting our howse?!" Marlene, Xion's adopted, two-year-old sister asked us in a horrified shout.

 _I thought the Fair's were supposed to be gone for the weekend!_

This changed everything.

Marlene looked confused as she stood in the entryway of the kitchen and living room, wearing her red pajamas. Her brown hair was in ponytail and her bangs were shielding her brown eyes, which were now watering. The glass of milk she'd been holding was now at her feet, spilled all over the wooden floor.

"Marlene?!" I heard Xion call from upstairs. Her voice sounded frantic.

 _Xion…_

I glared at Seifer. "You said they weren't home," I whispered, throat dry.

He swore as he chuckled. "I thought they weren't," he admitted. He sounded smug, like he didn't care that we'd been caught.

"You're not seriously thinking we should continue this," I said. "Are you…?" Lunatic.

"Yew hewrting our howse!" Marlene screamed again, tears welling in her brown eyes.

"Oh boo-hoo," Fuu said, bashing the picture of Mr. Fair with her bat.

"Yew hewrting _daddy_!" Marlene shrieked, rushing towards Fuu. She started throwing tiny punches on Fuu's leg—although it was clear to see that the two-year-old wasn't strong enough to take her. I flinched when Fuu easily kicked her to the floor.

"Are you crazy?!" I asked in a frantic voice, hearing Marlene burst into tears and wails. "She's a little kid!"

"Tough," Fuu answered, shrugging.

I heard rushed footsteps coming from upstairs, and I wondered why Aerith hadn't come to save her child earlier. If my mom, Tifa, heard me crying she'd have been here in a heartbeat.

Everyone, except Seifer—who was still hacking away at the wall—was stunned when Xion appeared in place of her mother, wearing blue pajamas and a black night robe with silver keys on it. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" she screamed at us.

The way she stopped breathing when she saw the picture of her dad being destroyed made my heart stop. I felt like I'd tried to swallow it.

I couldn't believe I'd been apart of this…

Marlene was crying her eyes out while she lay on the floor. She was holding her stomach as if she were in unimaginable pain, and I hoped to God that Fuu hadn't kicked her too hard… Wasn't this technically child abuse?

I shook my head, panicking while my eyes darted towards Xion.

It was then that I noticed the object in her hand. There was a cordless, black house phone in her right palm, and I could hear the operator asking her if she was still there. Xion didn't put the phone to her ear, though, opting to rush forward in a fit of rage—or maybe she was trying to get to Marlene…

But Seifer, he was preparing to attack the wall again.

 _Damn it_ , I thought. I began running towards the two-year-old when Seifer decided to give the wall a final hack. The angle at which he leaned back to strike caused his body to arch backwards as well, and the sword was going to drop directly on Marlene.

Marlene was going to be cut in two, from her skull to the floor—a gruesome sight in my head. Aerith and Xion had already lost Zack; they didn't need to lose little Marlene, too.

My body went into defense mode after realizing this, and without thinking, I dove forward.

"GET AWAY FROM MY SISTER!" Xion yelled at me.

Wasn't anticipating that, though…

And then, it happened.

A worst-case scenario _happened_ … but not one that I would've imagined.

Xion had taken a dive and pushed me to keep me away from Marlene, making my body collide, arm first, into the glass end table. The pieces shattered into my right arm, but it didn't initially hurt from all of my adrenaline. By some chance of luck, I'd managed to drag Marlene with me, and I made sure that I'd taken the brunt end of the fall to keep her out of harms way.

But Xion…

 _Xion…_

The angle at which she'd lunged was directly into the blade—kind of like seeing a bullet smack you between the eyes before it actually happened—except her body was in a vertical position. I didn't witness the impact, opting to close my eyes half a second before, but… the sound of skin slicing was so strange, like… like hearing road kill getting ripped open by a car tire. It was swift and unbelievable.

Cringing—chilling— _unforgettable_ … I'd never get that sound out of my head.

With a shrill shriek, Xion fell to the floor, and I opened my eyes to see her covering her hands over her face while she began squirming around in a frenzied panic. It looked like she was on fire by her frantic movements, or having a seizure.

I silently wish she'd have gotten her head spilt open and died a quick death instead of seeing her in prolonged torture like this. She must've been in indescribable pain—all because of _me_.

Seifer swore and shook his head as he turned around, finally noticing that he'd hit someone. The way his eyes widened, you'd swear he'd seen a ghost. "Holy…"

"Cops should be here in five," Rai spoke up, motioning towards the door.

"Leave," Fuu suggested. She pointed towards the exit.

Rai and Fuu rushed out, while Marlene got up and ran to her sister. " _Xion_!" she whimpered, lips quivering. She looked hesitantly at Xion's jerking form, hands hovering near her as if a mere touch would make the situation worse.

I started to get to my feet, only to have Seifer toss the sword on me. I was thankful that it landed on one of it's flat sides, but it was way too heavy for me to move in my damaged state.

"Take one for the team," Seifer said, giving me a thumbs up as he began to retreat. Bastard.

" _What_ _?!_ " I asked as he bolted out the front door. "Seifer!"

"See you at school, Chicken Wuss!"

As I heard the cop sirens, I looked down at my right arm. There was a lot of blood coming from the wounds, and some glass shards were sticking out. The sound of wailing made me glance over at Xion and Marlene, who were weeping together.

"Damn it..." I whispered. I had to get up; sitting here wouldn't change a thing.

It took all of my willpower to push that sword off me, and when I had, I immediately rushed over to Xion, reaching for her—only to have Marlene smack my hand away. She carefully lay on Xion's shoulder—almost as if she were shielding her from me.

"Weave my big sista awone!" she commanded me.

"Marlene," I said in a hoarse voice. "I'm—I'm so sorry."

Xion paused her writhing, but her hands remained over her eyes. There was blood seeping between her fingers, and smearing her face. " _R-Roxas_?" She sounded so broken, just so dead…

"It's me," I said, nodding quickly. My eyes were shifting back and forth between her and Marlene. "Xion, I'm _so_ sorry—"

"I… c-can't see," she whispered.

Again, I nodded. "Xion—"

"I CAN'T _SEE_!" she screamed at me. Even as the cops entered the room and pointed their guns at me, I didn't even flinch. I just kept nodding, staring, blinking to make the problem go away.

It didn't.

Xion was still on the floor, Marlene beside her…

All this because I wanted some seniors to like me…?

I was a pathetic excuse of an existence. This was my proof.

…

 **A/N:** I can rarely find any fics on here about visually impaired romance situations, so I thought I'd make own. I absolutely love slow romances, so I'm sorry if this might be uninteresting to anyone for a while. Romance for this fic takes time to me, and jumping in—especially with this pairing for this particular situation—it seems doubtful to throw them into that whole 'I love you instantly,' type of romance. Realism is everything to me. As I'm writing this, Xion will be out of character for the first half of the fic, with little tidbits of herself along the way.

I'm thankful that anyone's who is reading has taken the time to glance at this fic. The idea has been in my head for a while after I replayed KH2 (and saw the scene where Riku takes his blindfold off). Aside from some of the obvious KH and Crisis core references, I also threw in some 'blink and you miss it'/'read between the lines' type of references for both games, too—the last lines being one of them. ;)

I'd love to know your opinions about the concept and the overall writing, the good the bad and the ugly, so if you have time can you spare a review?


	2. Disowned

**Disclaimer:** I have sole rights to my imagination… that's not saying much.

 **Chapter 2: Disowned**

I was thankful that the police sent me to the hospital, and that the medics stitched my arm up. The meds I was taking for the pain eased me a bit… but I bet it was nothing compared to what Xion was feeling right now. I couldn't get her scream out of my mind. It felt like she was in the room with me—that's how loud it was in my head.

As I placed my hand against my temple, I breathed out a small sigh. There was a prayer in my thoughts, hovering around the image of Xion shrieking. The prayer was for her eyesight, and for all of my body parts to be still intact after my parents came in here…

I was still dressed in my 'vandalizing clothes,' and I'd thrown my legs over the side of the bed, kicking them absently while I waited for my parents. Anticipation, that feeling was usually scarier than actually getting served a punishment—not in this case, of course.

How could I do something so stupid? I didn't want to be _that guy_ who gave into peer pressure, but it was hard not be. Nobody's perfect.

Nobody…? That's how I felt, like I didn't have a right to be person—to be whole—or have validate having a heart…

I felt like a nobody.

"Roxas?" my mother, Tifa, called as she entered. Behind her were my younger siblings: Sora and Ventus, who were eight-year-old twins, and Denzel, my three-year-old 'Little Trooper.' Sora's hair was a lighter shade of brown than my mom's long, dark strands, and Ventus' hair looked just like mine. All three of us took after our dad in looks, but Denzel's light brown hair was kind of curly—like it was a mixture of our parent's. He certainly was the cutest, too.

Mom was wearing her black pajamas, like she'd just rolled out of bed.

I knew she had.

It surprised me that she wasn't yelling. Part of me wanted her to… It would've made this easier…? No, it wouldn't have.

I'd still feel worthless.

My siblings were all dressed in similar attire, with Sora and Ven wearing matching red and green jammies, while Denzel was in blue PJ's with black heartless slippers.

I almost smiled at how adorable he looked until I met eyes with my mom. She looked about ready to cry, and her eyes were pink. I couldn't decipher if they were from the tears about to fall or her having to wake up at the early hours of the morning. "Mom, I…" I paused, timid—ashamed.

Seifer was right; I _was_ a Chicken Wuss.

My mom wouldn't utter another word; she just stood there with her arms folded, waiting on me to say something to validate what I'd done. Honestly, I think I would've liked it better if she had just started screaming at me upon entry. The silence was creepy…

Eventually, she turned to my siblings, gently guiding them back out the door. When Sora pouted up at her, she asked, "Why don't you three go sit in the waiting room and sleep? I'll be out there in a minute."

They left groggily, and Sora and Ven made sure to hold Denzel's hands as they paced away.

I gulped when my mom closed the door behind her, and she came to sit down in the chair that was right beside my bed. She scooted it closer to me so that she could hold both of my hands in hers, formulating the right words.

She looked so serious—so stressed out.

Knowing I was the cause made this worse.

Knowing Xion was in the other room with possibly permanent damage made me feel sick.

"Well…?" she asked in a hoarse whisper, tears forming in her eyes. She started speaking fast. "Tell me what happened—tell me why you'd do something like this—and to the _Fair's_ of all people, Roxas—"

"I'm sorry," I murmured. My head began to shake as tears of my own began to fall onto our joined hands. "I didn't—" I had to stop myself from shaking so much, and I tried to catch my breath. "M-Mom, I didn't think that…" I closed my eyes, feeling her release my left hand, only to brush my bangs to the side. "I didn't destroy that house." My eyes opened slowly. "I started to, but I changed my mind, and then…"

Then it was too late to turn back.

Before she could speak, I shook my head again.

"I didn't do that to her eyes," I assured her. "But if I hadn't stole dad's sword, it wouldn't have happened…" _It wouldn't have happened…_

She agreed with a perplexed nod. "…Why _did_ you steal that sword, Roxas? You know how much it means to your father…" She scoffed as she lowered her gaze, her brown eyes focusing on the tiled floor. "What am I saying? It means a lot to me, too."

Mom was good friends with Zack—everybody was. He literally was the type of guy who could make anyone his friend for life. That's why his death was so tragic, because he was _Zack_ …

"It was because of Seifer," I spoke up, embarrassed with myself. "I…" Sighing, I said, "I just wanted him to like me." That sounded lame. "He said if I did this as part of initiation, I'd get to hang out with him."

I saw that her brow was arching, and she was still confused by the situation. "And Seifer is…?"

"This popular senior at school, mom." I think I told her this before at dinner once—after she asked me how Hayner and I had gotten accused of stealing some photos and we had to clear our name—but I think she was too focused on Sora and Ventus' question about abortion, and their new fascination with the discovery channel, to actually remember it.

Parents tend to gravitate towards the biggest problem when it comes to their kids, and sometimes they might leave the others to worry about for later, like leftovers—if they remember in the first place.

Mom made one of those 'ah, I see' type of faces. "Roxas, that doesn't justify what you did—or what happened to Xion." Her head was shaking as she murmured something to herself.

"…How is she, mom?"

Mom's lips parted while she tried to formulate an answer, until she noticed a figure in all black standing at the door.

Dad had arrived.

"Cloud," she whispered.

"Tifa," he said in his calm voice. "Roxas and I need a minute."

Mom looked cautious as she stood, but eventually, she agreed with a small nod. As she left, she said, "You were a teenager who wanted to be accepted once. Remember that, Cloud."

Dad folded his arms, glancing away from her. "Nothing _I_ did ever caused a friend go blind."

 _God, I really screwed up._

I buried my face in my hands as I heard the door close, sobbing slightly, just low enough so that my dad didn't have to hear. Funny thing about guilt, it felt like a gluttonous, heartless human was devouring my conscience until I had nothing left.

"Aerith doesn't want to press charges," my dad spoke up. "But I told the police you deserve anything they offer for even breaking into that house." The police had told me that Aerith had been visiting a sick friend for the weekend during our break-in. Both of them were on their way here, to the town of Radiant Garden, from the city of Midgar.

"Roxas," Dad called.

There was no way for me to respond to him without crying.

Dad breathed out a sigh. "Seifer and his friends are being charged with breaking and entering, vandalism, and assault. It's what Aerith wants."

I still had nothing to say in response. Seifer was eighteen; he was a legal adult. That meant he was going straight to jail, even if he was still a senior in high school. Rai and Fuu could join him.

"You'll also be staying with a friend of mine for a while," he continued.

Immediately, I snapped my head up while lowering my hands from my face, confused. _Had I heard him right?_

He was glaring at me. "He'll be here to pick you up soon." _Yeah, I heard him right…_

I wasn't even allowed back into the house?

"You've still got nothing to say?" he asked me. His blue eyes narrowed further—as if the look before wasn't enough. "You know Xion is _permanently_ blind, don't you?"

He groaned when I simply looked at him. "Roxas, the police and Aerith have agreed that Xion gets to choose your punishment since Aerith agreed not to press any charges. She's going to let you know what that punishment is tomorrow." The calm way he spoke, like he was on edge and about to snap, it scared me.

He sounded like a murderer about to strike.

He sounded like a _Strife_.

My dad gestured with his hand for me to 'get up.' "Come on." It took all my willpower not to beg him to let me stay in our home after I trailed behind him towards the door.

I internally scoffed. _Our home?_ It hadn't felt like home since Mr. Fair died—and he didn't even live there…

But his presence was still there…

"H-how long is 'a while?'" I asked him. He'd just made it to the door, right hand frozen on the knob. "How long until I can come back home, dad?"

His head was shaking from left to right as he turned and glanced down at me. "I don't know," he answered truthfully. "I just can't look at you right now without thinking about doing something that I might regret."

My eyes widened as I looked into the eyes of the SOLDIER in front of me. Terrified was an understatement, because military men could go AWOL at any time—hell the average person could these days without any explanation. You just never knew when people with PTSD could lose it...

I'd never feared for my life before, not until today.

"O-okay," was all I could force out. What did he want me to say, 'thanks for sending me away instead of killing me?'

 _I guess the conversation's over._

Trudging past him, I hadn't anticipated him wrapping his left arm around my shoulders while he pulled me in for a hug. I _did_ expect him to start strangling me at first, though; but the longer he embraced me from behind, the more I felt safe and secure.

I felt at home.

I reached up, gripping his arm with my right hand while droplets of his tears landed on my hair.

Dad was crying… I didn't know he _could_ cry, to be honest. It was never something I'd witnessed before.

" _Dad_ ," I choked out. "I never meant for _any_ of this to happen…"

He was quiet for a moment, probably trying to compose himself. "I know." His voice was wavering as he spoke. "But the fact of the matter is, it _did_ happen, Roxas. Nothing can change that—not even an apology."

I wiped at my eyes, nodding. "Can I please come home, dad?"

"Not right now," he answered.

" _Please_?"

"I don't want you there." And there it was, the cold, ugly truth.

That shattered me, and I sank to my knees as he released me, bursting into tears again. "I'm _sorry_ ," I whispered. I apologized, so why couldn't he forgive me?

Why couldn't I forgive myself?

He ignored me, and he stepped around me to open the door, revealing my mom. They didn't speak; they just looked at each other long and hard, like they were having a silent conversation in their thoughts.

That's how it always was. Dad never spoke to mom about his feelings—or to anyone really.

Mom brushed her hair behind her ear, and she sidestepped him when her brown eyes zeroed in on me. Kneeling in front of me, she cupped my face in her hands while I cried uncontrollably. "Roxas?"

"Dad says I can't come home!" I cried out, covering my hands over hers. My shoulders were quivering wildly with every tear that was produced. "I—I can't c-come—" I sucked in a deep breath "Home…"

"Roxas," she murmured, pulling me into a hug. "We can fix this."

"There's nothing to fix," my dad spoke up. "We're leaving. Leon's here." He looked out the door to his left, curling his index finger. "Boys, come say goodbye to your brother." He was back in military mode.

The wall was up—unbreakable to anyone except Zack.

" _Cloud_ ," Tifa pleaded as she glanced at him over her shoulder. "Please don't do this. He said he—"

"I'm not arguing about this," he told her simply. His decision was final. I wouldn't challenge his verdict…

But mom was the only one brave enough to try.

She stood. "We never argue at _all_ —you never talk to me." She touched her chest, making sure to keep her voice level. " _Talk_ to me, Cloud."

"There's nothing to talk about," he said, exiting the area.

"Mommy, wayer's Wocksas gowing?" Denzel asked as he peeked into the room. His eyes began to water when he saw me on the floor crying, but mom simply ruffled his hair as she hurried after my dad.

"Wocksas, do yew has a boo-boo?" Denzel asked me. He came forward, kissing both of my eyes before he wrapped his arms around my neck. "Feel better." I was surprised, and a little proud, that he'd spoken those words so clearly.

Sora and Ven were probably somewhat aware of the situation, and they looked hesitant to approach me after peeking into the room.

As I hugged Denzel, I motioned them forward. "Come 'er," I said, trying to sound lighthearted. They joined our hug and I kissed them each on the head. "You guys be good for mom and dad while I'm gone, okay?"

"Is that why mom and dad are sending you away?" Ventus asked shyly. "Because you did something bad?"

"Really bad," I said, nodding. I wiped a tear from Denzel's eyes with my thumb.

" _How_ bad?" Sora asked, pouting. It was weird to see his usual smile gone. He was usually such a happy kid—Ven was, too… "Like the time you let me ride with you on your skateboard when mom and dad said 'no?'"

"Way worse, buddy."

Their eyes widened. _So cute…_

Standing, I brushed the last of my tears away with my forearm, and I placed both knuckles on my hips. I forced a smile and glanced down at them, my bravado in full force. "Alright Troopers, think you can behave while I'm gone?"

The three of them straightened up and saluted. "Sir yes Sir," Sora and Ven chanted. Denzel sounded more like a baby cat when he'd spoken. His 'sir' had sounded more like he was saying a slurred version of 'sewer.'

I saluted them back, ushering them out the door. "Be good," I whispered. I saw our parents not too far from there.

They were arguing.

 _Great; they were making a scene_.

They weren't loud, but it was one of those quiet situations where you could tell that both spouses were pissed at each other.

A man with long, brown hair wearing dark clothing approached them, and he patted my dad's shoulder. I got the same vibe from him as I did with my dad—quiet and standoffish. It was weird.

They exchanged a few words before my dad gestured towards me. After that, Dad gave me one last gaze before he left with my mom and brothers in tow. I felt lonely.

I felt disowned.

"Roxas," my dad's friend said as he paced towards me. There was a scar in the middle of his eyes. "I'm Leon."

I said nothing. He looked like the guy you didn't want to run into if you were walking alone—not even on a bright, sunny day filled with witnesses.

"You'll be staying with me for a while," Leon told me. "Your father's sending your clothes tomorrow."

"'Kay," I finally said. There wasn't anything that could be said to make this less awkward…

Eventually, he rubbed the back of his neck, sighing. "We're leaving." As he started to retreat, I asked, "Can I see Xion before I go?"

"Aerith has requested that you don't," he informed me, not bothering to give me a glance. "Not until tomorrow. She hasn't even seen her yet."

I hugged myself as I followed behind him. "Okay…"

The walk to the parking lot was long, and with each step, I decided that I was no longer going to cry anymore. The decision of making things right with Xion became my absolute goal, and I'd stop at _nothing_ until she forgave me.

I was also planning on rebuilding my friendship with her, Hayner, Pence and Olette. It'd been ages since I'd spoken to them, but I _needed_ to speak and make things right again. My behavior over the past few years hasn't been something that I could call an achievement, more like a disappointment.

 _I wonder what Xion will choose as my punishment?_

What kind of punishment do you give the guy who made you go permanently blind?

...

 **A/N:** No romance yet. I know. I like these things to take time. I think the punishment I chose for Roxas will be fitting, though. I understand that I've made Cloud a posttraumatic military dad, but I couldn't help it. I feel like it fits with the story, and it's kind of canon for anyone who's ever played FF7 and crisis core.

But thanks to anyone who's reading my fic! Review if you can spare the time, or hit a button below. Either is better than neither.


	3. Xion Says

**Chapter 3: Xion Says**

A few hours later, daylight was pouring through the blinds of my small window, and… Wait a minute!

This wasn't _my_ room. Panicking, I sat up and glanced around, seeing that the walls were white and bare of any pictures. A nightstand was by the small, twin bed I was sitting on, and a small closet was on the opposite wall. A black door was in the center of the wall that was opposite the window, and there wasn't anything in here that was remotely close to being my furniture. A sharp knock made me jump, and that's when I felt the pain in my arm again. I needed to take my meds.

"Roxas," Leon said. "You up?"

 _Oh, that's right…_ I was living with Leon now.

 _Dad didn't want me._

Huffing, I combed my hand through my hair and nodded, pulling my knees to my chest under the white sheets. This small space reminded me of an asylum—or a prison cell. "Yeah," I said. "I'm up."

The door opened slowly, and when Leon walked in, he brought a large, cardboard box with him. "Cloud dropped some of your clothes off," he said. He placed the box down and against the wall, watching my face as it lit up.

"D-Dad was here?!" I asked. Damn, even though he didn't want me, I still wanted to see him.

I still loved him; he was my dad.

Leon was scrutinizing me with a neutral stare as he straightened up and leaned against the frame of the door. "…How has Cloud been? Be honest."

I felt my face scrunching as I looked away, like hands were about to attack me. In truth, dad was terrifying to be around. He was always on edge, and his personality reminded me of a suicidal person on their last day of life—except with my dad, I could literally _tell_ that he was contemplating it most days.

"That bad, huh?"

I refused to glance his way.

A tired breath of air was heard. "I've got some extra toiletries for you in the hallway closet... I need you to get dressed and get ready to go to Aerith's house so we can be there by noon."

I peered over at him, feeling an ache in my chest. "She's home?"

He agreed with a slow nod, watching me curiously. "You'll be headed back to school tomorrow if you'd like, but your parents and I talked it over. We think it's best if you wait another day or two."

It was awkward being in Leon's house… Just because he knew my dad didn't mean that he knew me. I felt like he was secretly judging me. If anything, he probably thought I was a spoiled brat.

"'Kay…"

After I showered, I got dressed and put on a white shirt with grey pants and some sneakers. My black shoes were a reminder of where I'd been last night—what I'd done. However, I opted to throw my black 'vandalizing clothes' in the trashcan that was downstairs in Leon's small kitchen. He'd been sitting at his round, oak table, drinking coffee, when he saw me do it.

He brought his red cup to his lips, hovering it there instead of drinking it. "You okay?" he asked, cautiously. I started to wonder if he talked to my dad like that, too.

Instead of answering, I shrugged. I honestly didn't know how to answer. "When are we leaving?"

There was a moment of silence, like he was expecting me to burst into tears or something. "I was going to suggest that we get a quick brunch first. It's eleven right now."

"I'm not hungry."

I turned to see that he had stood, and he was approaching me with a look of disdain. As he folded his arms, he tilted his head and sighed. "You're just like your father." He'd said it with such a neutral voice that I wasn't sure if should react offensively.

I chose not to reply.

"I'm going to tell you what I always tell him," he spoke up. "Don't shut people out when they're trying to help you."

He always talked to dad like that?

"What'd he say after you'd say that?"

"Nothing," Leon said, rolling his shoulders. "Kind of like you." He shook his head at me. "Don't be like your father, Roxas. Talking helps."

I found myself nodding. "I… thanks."

He gave me a curt nod and grabbed his keys off the plain counter. "Come on. We're going to go see Aerith and her daughters."

"Someone shoot me," I murmured. I think I saw him smirk as he passed by me, although I couldn't be sure.

* * *

Walking up the cobble-stoned pathway gave me a sickening version of nostalgia. Last time I'd been here, I'd done something not worth mentioning, and as Leon and I stepped onto the porch, I couldn't find the will to breathe. It was like someone had placed a knife at my throat and ordered me not to scream.

Anticipation was such a bitch, just like karma.

Leon knocked on the door, glancing down at me. I jumped when he touched my shoulder. "Stop holding your throat. I can't tell if you're in pain or if you're trying to kill yourself."

I offered him a smile when I heard the mirth in his voice. "Sorry," I said, lowering my hand.

When the door opened, I saw Aerith for the first time in… well, in a while. She looked nothing like she had when her husband was still alive. When he was here, she'd wear pink and her hair was always in a long, twisted ponytail. Now, she wore a sundress with her hair left unkempt in abundant twists. Her bangs framed her haunted green eyes like a shield from anyone who tried to get a side view of her profile, and her usual, small smile had been replaced with a forced one.

Aerith looked broken.

Leon greeted her with a firm hug, though, and I knew Aerith appreciated it because she clutched the fabric on his back as if he'd disappear. I think she felt the way I had when I was walking up the driveway—as if she couldn't breathe. Leon was her friend—her support system—so she really needed him right now.

I could tell they were great friends by that long embrace, and I blushed when she murmured something into his ear, feeling a bit intrusive.

"It's good to see you, too," Leon whispered. _So that's what she'd said before._ I got the impression that she had been murmuring sweet nothings. That's how legit their hug looked.

As they broke apart, her hands remained touching his forearm, and he was mimicking her movements. I definitely suspected that maybe they'd hooked up sometime after Mr. Fair's death—or they at least _thought_ about it.

I didn't want to witness this anymore, but I knew I'd feel out of place if I asked to see Xion.

I hadn't really noticed that I'd been staring down at the porch until a soft hand touched mine. It was Aerith's.

"She's in her room," she said softly, smiling at me. "Do you remember which one is hers?"

It took me a moment to answer. Aerith was actually smiling at _me_. "I…"

She gently touched both sides of my face, kissing my forehead. "I know you didn't harm my daughters." I almost curled into her right hand when she brushed her thumb over my cheek. "Please don't cry, Roxas."

I'd been crying _again_? Go figure.

After growing some courage, I nodded. "Thank you, for letting me come over." It felt like I'd been walking for hours as I crept past her through the small hallway. The damage I'd done to the living room was still there, and the picture of Mr. Fair was severely damaged with spray paint and large punctures. Gulping, I decided it best to hurry upstairs.

Xion's door was the last one on the left.

As I paced towards it, Marlene stepped out of her room, teddy bear in hand. She started to approach me, but when she took a good look at me, she halted, mid stride.

Her skin became as pale as her white dress, and she gazed on with a small pout. " _Yew_ ," she said. Determination was in her brown eyes as she marched over to me and kicked me in the leg. "I no wike yew."

"That makes two of us," I assured her, unfazed. I hated myself at this point.

She was so tiny that I had to literally drop my neck down to look at her—this coming from a guy who was vertically challenged.

"Yew make Xi-Xi cwy," she said. "Yew bad fwend."

I nodded, kneeling in front of her. "I know," I whispered.

She covered her eyes with her hands, uncovering them several times to put emphasis on what I'd done. "She no see. See gone."

"I know," I said again. I didn't need to be reminded. I hadn't expected her to start crying. "M-Marlene, I—?!"

She started hugging me. "Yew bad fwend!" she wailed, gripping the fabric on the back of my shirt. "Yew bad fwend…"

My hands were hesitant to embrace her back at first, but I quickly got over my shock and rubbed soothing circles on her back. "I'm sorry, Marlene." She nodded as she placed her head on my shoulder, but she quickly released me and picked up her teddy bear, which she'd dropped during her spontaneous act of kindness.

Marlene said nothing else as she hurried downstairs.

After I gathered enough strength, I stood and paced towards Xion's room. I was drained in every sense of the word—physically and emotionally. I couldn't imagine what Xion was going through…

I knocked first, not hearing a response. Growing some forced courage, I entered into the familiar room. Xion had a pretty big room, and the walls were Mako blue. Her bed sheets were bright green—almost the color of Aerith's eyes—and her carpet was navy blue.

A picture of us was on her mahogany nightstand, along with multiple ones of her family. One picture in particular caused me to arch my brow. Axel and Xion were there, smiling at the camera.

Axel was popular at school—scary, yet likable. I'd heard rumors that he was the one to cause the chemistry lab to set fire last semester… The thing is, Axel rarely socialized with anyone, despite his popularity.

 _Xion knew Axel?_

Now, I was really dreading going back to school. He'd probably set me on fire…

"Roxas?" Xion called weakly.

I snapped my head towards her bathroom and saw that she was standing there, hugging the frame as if she were afraid to find a murderer in her room. A black cloth was covering up her bandaged eyes, and she was dressed in jeans and a plain white t-shirt. Her feet were bare, but she was still wearing her hospital bracelet.

"Xion," I breathed out, stepping closer. "You want me to help you to the bed?"

She looked frightened. I wanted to kill Seifer for what he'd done… for what I helped him do…

She shook her head, cautiously walking forward. I approached anyway, hovering near hear when she spread her arms in front of her body while she paced through her room. She clumsily found her bed, and I sighed in relief when she sat down at the edge. I looked freaked out the entire time—like I was witnessing an infant about to collide with the floor.

"Roxas? You still there?" she asked me.

I gulped, nodding. "Of course…" I rubbed the back of my neck. "You're not yelling at me." _Way to state the obvious…_

"Believe me," she spoke up softly. "I'd like to, and I started to when I heard you in the hall with Marlene… but it won't change anything."

"…But you still hate me, don't you?"

"Of course," she assured me. "I'm blind because of _you_ …" She touched her throat, like I had done earlier—that same, solemn look on her face. "I… I just need to tell you your punishment, and then I can try to forget that I hate you so much."

"Do you wanna hate me, Xion?" I slowly sat down beside her, not too close, though. "I understand if you do."

She sniffled and turned. "It hurts to cry right now," she whispered. "It gets mixed in with the scab…"

"…How big is it?"

"It's straight across where my eye sockets are," she answered quietly. "The doctor say's it's not too deep, but I'm permanently blind. It costs too much to get a new pair of eyes to try and replace them…"

 _Damn…_

"It's going to hurt to cry for a long time," she said. "And crying makes it sting, so…." She turned her head towards me. "That means I _have_ to hate you." I understood what she meant. It was better if she chose to be angered, since she didn't cry too often when she was angry.

She lifted her hands, like she was going to speak with them, only to drop them in her lap, defeated. "Why…?" I knew what she was asking: Why had I been so stupid?

I didn't have an answer—not one that she wanted to hear.

"We used to be best friends," she said bitterly.

"You don't think I know that?" I was frowning and the edge to my voice reminded me of my dad. "Xion, don't act like we stopped being friends because of _me_." I gestured between us, knowing she couldn't see the hand movement. " _You_ shut me out first, remember?"

She stood. "My dad _died_ , Roxas!" She lifted her hand towards me. "And _you_ stopped showing up!"

I stood, glaring at her. "I was there when you _wanted_ me to be!" I shouted. " _You_ told me to stop coming!" That was her choice, not mine.

"I didn't mean it!" she screamed back, shaking her head. She touched her chest. "I really wanted you to be there…" She was frowning at me. "But you weren't, and you just stopped talking to me…"

"Damn it, Xion!" I groaned and ran my hand through my spikes. "If you had just said what you wanted right then instead of making me think you didn't want to be my friend, I wouldn't have stopped coming…" _Lack of communication is why every relationship begins to crumble._

"Well, I don't want you in my life _now_ ," she retorted, and I glowered at her. Her head was turned in my direction and the scowl she was giving me was enough to make me want to leave before I said something I regretted…

But I stayed.

This wasn't over.

"I still want you in my life," I whispered. She needed to know that.

Her lips parted, like she was speechless. "W-Why...?"

I shrugged. "I miss you, Xion. I was a terrible friend and now I want to make things right."

"That's cheesy," she said with a guarded voice.

I nodded, chuckling lightly in spite of myself. "Yeah, I know, but it needed to be said…"

She shook her head and waved me off, turning around so that she wouldn't have to face me. "I don't want to be your friend anymore. I want you out of my life, but…"

I inched closer to her. " _But_ …?"

"I want you to suffer as much as I'm suffering," she spoke up, malice in her soft voice. "That's your punishment." She turned to face me, lifting her hand towards me. "For the next three hundred and fifty-eight days, you'll be doing whatever I say, no matter what it is. You'll be my eyes."

 _What…?_

"Are you serious or—?"

"I'm not joking," she assured me.

"…What happens in three hundred and fifty-eight days?"

"None of your business," she stated. "Get out of my room, Roxas." I was stunned. "And when you leave, tell my mother you'll back bright and earlier tomorrow morning at seven to help me start my day."

She wasn't the Xion I used to know, not by the harsh way she'd just spoken to me… but given the situation, I deserved this as my punishment. I'd do whatever she said.

"Okay," I agreed simply.

Her breath hitched and she tilted her head. If only I could see those blue eyes… I'd never take them for granted again. "That's it?" she asked me. "You're not going to argue with me." _I think some people in life lived for drama and arguments…_

Xion had turned into one of them.

"Pretty much," I said, shrugging. "What, do you want me to throw in 'Master' or 'My Lord' and go all _Black Butler_ on you?" I was no Sebastian Michaelis; that's for sure—Finny at best... that's one Halloween I couldn't take back.

Xion covered her mouth, and I think it was to hide a possible smile, but all too quickly, she turned away from me again. "Leave," she said sharply.

"Whatever you want, Xion," I said, pacing around her. "I'll be back tomorrow morning."

"Goodbye, Eyes," she said. That was fitting… I guess. But what happened in three hundred and fifty-eight days?

I raced downstairs, wanting nothing more than to leave the Fair house…

But when I saw Leon and Aerith—and little Marlene—cleaning the damage in the living room, I found myself walking over to them.

This was where I needed to be.

I gently took the broom from Aerith's hand, sweeping up the glass shards of what used to be her coffee table. She gave me a nod of appreciation and I ignored the small smiles that she and Leon gave me as I set about working.

Marlene approached me with a tug on my pant leg, and when I peered down, I saw that she was smiling at me. "Tanx," she said. She picked up a block of wood that was about her size, and she threw it in the black trash bag on the far side of the room.

Aerith and I shared a brief look as she and Leon started to remove the damaged cushions off the couch. I suspected that they were going to place it beside the trashcan outside.

"You'll be her eyes?" she asked me softly.

I glanced over at her, nodding. "I'll be her eyes, Mrs. Fair." I'd be anything she needed me to be to fix our friendship.

...

 **A/N:** Ok, so now that the slow part of the story is over (excluding the slow romance), Axel is going to make an appearance. Other appearances will include Roxas' trio of friends, Hayner, Pence, and Olette—and the great ninja Yuffie! I hope this chapter wasn't completely angst like the other two, because I needed to add a _smidge_ of resolution… I'll go further into how Xion is going to learn to do things on her own in the next chapter, too, since Roxas can't be at her house 24/7.

As always, thanks for reading this to anyone who is, and if you have the time, care to spare a review?


	4. Leverage

**Chapter 4: Leverage**

"Xion, this is pointless," I grumbled to myself. She'd been making me do tedious, _meaningless_ tasks for her all week—and the entire time she had a vindictive smirk on her face. She wasn't the Xion I remembered, not by that expression…

Yesterday morning, I was even required to give Marlene a piggy back ride up and down the stairs—not once, not twice, but _thrice_. Call me crazy—and I think some of you are—but I don't think causing me any more emotional distress to add to what I've already done qualifies as being Xion's eyes, just saying. And Aerith explaining to her how pointless this all was didn't help either. If anything, Xion was relishing in the comfort of being told that I hadn't smiled since I agreed to do whatever she asked.

Sadist.

But don't feel sorry for me; I got my revenge. See, earlier this morning, out of sheer spite for Xion's sadism, I hid her new walking cane… but she eventually found it, and when she did, she beat me until Marlene begged her to stop.

I kid you not.

My ex-best friend was currently downstairs getting help from a private instructor on how to read braille, which was a unique way for the visually impaired to read documents and such… I think the idea was pretty cool. I'd seen them learning the alphabet yesterday, too. Looked legit.

"Marlene said something about a Xion attack earlier," Aerith spoke up from the doorway of Xion's bedroom.

I gave her a nod, falling back on the sheets. "She's more cold-blooded than I remember." My hand waved dismissively before I dropped it back on my stomach. "No offense."

She covered her mouth with her right hand to hide her quiet giggle. "None taken… Leon says you're going to school this morning?"

I closed my eyes, frowning at the thought. "Yeah," I murmured.

"…Are you afraid?"

Almost immediately, I sat up, gazing at her while my brows furrowed. "Mrs. Fair, I'm terrified." As she paced over to me and sat down on the bed, I said, "I don't think I can do this."

The smile she gave me was a hopeful one. "Sure you can."

"The principal called Leon's house and told him that I've been getting death threats," I said, deadpanned expression.

"Roxas—"

"Yesterday, somebody threw a huge rock into his window…" I sighed, combing my hand through my hair. "I don't want these types of things to keep happening to him because of me."

"Roxas, you need to stop blaming yourself for every little thing," she advised. "It's not going to help you in the long run."

"But I kind of feel like I _have_ to," I murmured, sitting up. "It's like…" I lifted my hands as I spoke, shrugging. "I just feel like if I stop, then I'll feel guilty for _not_ feeling guilty about it, ya know?" I saw that she was nodding, her gaze remorseful. "Even though I didn't technically make Xion go blind… _I_ let Seifer get that sword, _I_ agreed to go your house, so _I_ should be punished—that's all I think about in my head."

"But the blame isn't entirely yours, Roxas," she reminded me. "The sooner you fully grasp that, the better you'll feel."

"Roxas!" Xion called from downstairs. "Go outside and feed Vanitas before you leave!"

I groaned loudly, plopping back down on my back while I covered my face. "When the _hell_ did she get a dog?" I asked myself in a low whisper. And why was it's name Vanitas?

Aerith was giggling—like seriously laughing at my misfortune.

Women were a mystery.

* * *

"You okay?" Leon asked as we walked into the school building. The tan halls were empty, and first period had already started.

I slowly shook my head, my sneakers squeaking against the black tiles. "I'm just waiting for this day to end…" My backpack was empty, save for a few textbooks and a notepad, but Leon was carrying it for me anyhow.

He was also smirking at me. "Well you've got plenty of hours to endure before that last bell."

An irritable groan escaped me, and I rolled my eyes, trudging forward. "Don't remind me." We paced towards the principal's office, and I felt his eyes on me the entire time. He knew I really didn't want to be here, and I wondered why he didn't allow me another day to hide out… It wasn't safe here—not after what I helped Seifer do.

My steps slowed until I came to a halt, worrying. Seifer had told everyone that _I_ was the one to cause Xion to go blind… _And everyone assumes… crap_ , I thought, scratching my head. "I… I need a minute."

Leon looked skeptical, and he folded his arms. He shifted his weight on one foot. "You're not going to bolt, are you?" That was his way of telling me he'd drag me back inside. Well, wasn't he just a class act?

"More like throw up," I admitted, touching my stomach. My feet began to move towards the boy's rest room. "I'll be right back."

"Do you need me to go with you?"

I glanced at him over my shoulder, mortified. " _Leon_!" I said in a harsh whisper, eyes widening. "I'm not a baby!"

He chuckled in response, and I pushed open the white door with a shake of my head. A small murmur of profanity was heard as the bathroom door collided with a tall stranger, and I took a step back, apologetic to have hit the boy. "I'm sorry, I—" I shut my mouth, taking a defensive step back.

It was _him_.

"Roxas," Leon said from where he stood. He casually walked towards me, giving me a strange gaze while I took another step back. The vomit was right at the back of my throat now, and I hoped I could contain it.

"Roxas," Axel spoke up slyly. His green eyes gave me a mischievous once over, narrowing them at me as if I were his next victim of torture. When he took a step forward, I took one back out of instinct. I could _feel_ the tension radiating from him, and I'm sure if he hadn't heard Leon call me just now, he would've attacked me.

Axel was wearing all black—a huge contrast to his spiky red hair—and the chains dangling from his hoodie clinked about as he moved. His sneakers had a line of white on the bottom, and the laces were white. He had tear drop tattoos underneath both of his eyes, and I got the impression that maybe the tears symbolized constant despair or something…

Don't read too much into that; he just looked like the kind of guy to have deep shit going on, is all… unlike me. I looked like a frickin munchkin from the fields of Oz compared to him. Seriously, he was freakishly tall.

Leon hurried down the hall when Axel fully stepped out of the bathroom, while I just stood there, dumbfounded. I didn't know what to say, and as Axel leaned down, I ducked my head, peering up at him from under my lashes.

"You think that guy's going to stop me from rearranging your face?" Axel asked, humored by the idea. He chuckled at the thought, straightening up as he folded his arms. Leon had just approached us, grabbing me and pushing me behind him, when Axel spoke up again.

"She said you weren't the one holding the sword."

I peered around Leon's tall frame, eyeing Axel with suspicion. "I… I wasn't," I answered cautiously.

Axel grunted, waving us off with the back of his hand as he turned and left. "That's the only reason why…"

 _You're spared today_ , I finished for him in my thoughts.

Leon and I waited until the teen rounded the corner, and when he was out of sight, I touched my stomach while Leon turned to me immediately. "You okay?" he asked. In an effort not to vomit all over him, I pushed him out of the way and hurried into the bathroom. I was barely able to push open a stall and make it to the toilet, but I managed, puking all of my breakfast out.

When I was finished, I seated myself on the floor, leaning against the wall of the beige stall. Leon entered the one I was occupying, kneeling beside me.

"You know what?" I spoke up, blinking at my misfortune. "I think I'm gonna be okay."

He tilted his head while he arched his left brow. "You're sure?"

"No promises there, but I'll manage," I assured him. We both stood and I grabbed some tissue, wiping my mouth off. "If I come home with a shiner, _please_ don't tell my mom. I don't want her to worry."

"Agreed," he said.

"And then you can tell me who the heck Rinoa is," I added, earning a blush from the man.

"Denied," he concluded, ending our conversation. I chuckled at him as he pursed his lips. Yeah, he was _definitely_ smitten with Rinoa, whoever she was…

* * *

About five minutes later, after Leon had walked me to class, I entered the room on the third floor, hoping that I wouldn't draw too much attention…

I was wrong, of course.

You know that cringe worthy moment when you walk into class late and all eyes are on you—like everybody knows your secret and they're judging you before you can tell your side of the story? Yeah, that's what happened when I entered into first period. My professor, Mr. Xehanort was a creepy bald guy with tanned skin and large, yellow eyes. He even had a gray goatee sitting on his chin…

I secretly envisioned myself grabbing some sheers and chopping those long hairs off. They just made him look creepier…

"Roxas," he said. His hands were behind his back, and he was slightly hunched over. When I'd first started going to his class, I thought he might've suffered from scoliosis, but nope, that's just... _him?_

"Good to have you back," he lied, grinning at me.

I gave him a small nod and went to my desk, seating myself. It was difficult to pay attention to anything he was saying throughout the rest of the period, especially with all the murmurs and stares I was receiving.

Someone poked me with a pencil, and I turned to my left, gazing at Yuffie. " _So_?" she asked, whispering.

I arched my brow. "So _what_?"

"You didn't really do that to Xion, did you…?" _Oh here we go…_

My eyes darted around, looking into the eyes of the students who were eagerly awaiting my response. With a sigh, I shook my head. "No, Seifer did."

"But he said—"

"Seifer left right after he did it," I cut in. "I'd never do that to Xion. Believe me or don't. I've really lost my urge to give a damn at this point." _There, I said it._

Yuffie and the others looked taken aback, but she smiled at me nonetheless, nodding so quickly that her short, dark hair shook. "Okay, okay. Calm down."

"I _am_ calm," I said, my voice low. Okay, that was a lie. I sounded like a potential murderer…

I sounded like my dad.

Yuffie huffed, pouting at me. "Sorry for suspecting…"

My shoulders rolled in response. I did _not_ want to be here right now, but I guess coming across as not caring was easier than looking like a… like a _chicken wuss_ …

God, I hated Seifer.

The rest of the day went by without any problems. I wasn't bothered by anyone, although I did receive some looks from Larxene, Axel's friend, but she gave _everyone_ that look so I wasn't worried.

It was right after the last bell rang, and on my way down the school steps, that someone gave me a forceful push.

My face took the brunt of the fall before I even had a chance to throw my arms out, and as I landed at the bottom of the steps, my cheek was scuffed against the concrete. A loud hiss escaped me as I attempted to get up, only to have someone grab me by the collar and yank me to their eye level.

As soon as they did, I tugged free from them, gasping when I saw who it was. " _Hayner_?" I asked, feeling my right cheek sting. He'd pushed me. _Hayner_ had pushed me…

Further off, Pence and Olette were watching us with wary gazes. They weren't going to stop him, either. Didn't they know this was a one-sided battle?

"That's for Xion," Hayner said, brown eyes glaring at me. He had gotten taller than me since the last time we'd spoken by about an inch. His short, blond hair was still the same, and his favorite color to wear, green, hadn't changed, either. Even his love of cargo pants still gave me nostalgia…

Except his personality… or maybe it was just being repaired. Maybe this was just _upset_ Hayner, who felt betrayed by his _supposed_ best friend, and he thought that said friend caused Xion to go blind…

Hayner's rage was justified; his pushing me down the stairs wasn't.

I could feel the blood dripping from my wound as I scowled at my ex-best friend. "…Have you lost your mind?" I asked him, my tone even. There were ten steps that I just fallen down—and I easily could've broken something—but he thought it was okay because everyone thought that I had caused Xion to go blind.

 _That makes it okay… that's fucked up._

"Have _you_?" Hayner countered. I bit my tongue, not wanting to argue with him. Really, all I wanted to do was apologize, but he didn't give me a chance. He just… he just lunged at me, and it wasn't all slow motion impact, like the movies. It was quick, straight to the point ass kicking.

I fell back onto the pavement as everyone began to chant "Fight! Fight!" It was a game to them, watching Hayner climb on top of me and start beating my face in.

The funny thing is, I couldn't hit him. Well, it's not that I _couldn't_. It's just that I _wouldn't_. I didn't want to hit Hayner, and after he'd struck me for the fourth time in my jaw, he noticed.

He grabbed me by my collar, shaking me forcefully as he screamed, "Why won't you fight back?!" The back of my head slammed against the pavement when he shook me again. "Answer me, Roxas!"

I grabbed his left wrist with my right hand, stopping his assault while I gazed up at him. "B-Because you're my _friend_ ," I answered weakly.

There were tears threatening to fall from his eyes, but he gulped, pausing his attacks. He shook his head in quick movements, while he drew back his right arm, preparing to punch me. "You can't just pretend like all this didn't happen," he murmured. "It _happened_ , Roxas."

I groaned when I felt another blow to my face. "I… k-know," I forced out.

"Fight back then!" Hayner commanded, tears trickling down his face. He struck me again, and I felt my mind reeling. I've been punched in the face before, but this was too much. Anymore and I'd pass out from the blows my face was absorbing.

"FIGHT BACK!" Hayner shouted again.

Slowly, painfully, I shook my head again. "I won't." As Hayner drew his arm back again, I kept my eyes open—glad that he'd only been striking me in the jaw—and I waited for him to attack.

His arm was quick, and the pain in his eyes, mixed with a little bit of guilt, made me get a glimpse of what he'd been going through. I'd abandoned him, just like I'd left Xion, and Pence, and even Olette… I let him down—all of them.

I wasn't a good friend.

Before his fist made contact with my face, a gloved hand grabbed him by the wrist, yanking him off me. Hayner almost started to shout at his new assaulter, until he gasped, eyes widening as he caught his breath.

"A-Axel?!" Hayner spoke up in disbelief, taking a guarded step back.

The lanky teenager smirked, watching everyone take a step back. "You remember me," he answered nonchalantly. He extended his right hand for me to take as he gazed at Hayner. "I'm _so_ flattered." When he looked down at me expectantly, he asked, "Well, what are you waiting for?"

Slowly, I reached up and clasped my hand around his wrist for leverage, watching him do the same to mine.

…

 **A/N:** Ah, autocorrect, I'm amazed by the different words it changes names to when in use. :D But the next chapter will finally start getting at Rokushi bits. Sorry, for anyone who doesn't like slow romance but I thought the story would be cliche and lack character development if I had Roxas apologize and they immediately start liking each other. That's not how it works, or at least from what I've witnessed it isn't.

Thank you guys for reading this! You're welcome to leave a comment, or click a button. Either works I guess. No biggie. :)


	5. Manipulation

**Warning:** Mild cursing. If your eyes are sensitive, turn back now. You've been warned. o.O

 **Chapter 5: Manipulation**

"Where am I dropping you off?" Axel asked me. He was currently driving down the road in an old, green Buick with yellow flames on both sides. The interior was leather, with black seats, and the floor was carpeted a strange shade of reddish-orange. I'd never grasped the term 'pimping' before until I'd gotten a good look at his preference in vehicles… really something.

 _Tacky_ had been my first thought, but in some odd way, the car suited Axel. It was definitely… would interesting be the right word here?

"You aren't dying over there," Axel spoke up. "Are you? Because I'd prefer a living soul in my car, not a corpse." His face was tense, even though he'd made a light joke… or maybe he was being serious?

I think it was the latter…

It took me a moment to answer, but I shrugged. "I… it hurts to talk."

"Maybe I should get you to a hospital," he suggested. He shook his head, smirking. "I can't believe you _let_ him hit you like that—and that fall was just—"

"I get it," I said, giving him a small glower.

He lifted his right hand while he drove straight ahead, glancing at me. "Hey, don't be pissed at me. I helped you, didn't I?"

That's right… he had helped. "But why?"

"Why not?"

"Don't bullshit me," I warned. I'd had enough of that for one day, and I honestly didn't trust Axel. I'm pretty sure he had some ulterior motives.

Axel was still amused as he stopped at a red light; his smirk still intact. "Whoa, he swears." He clapped. "Alright, Roxas."

My loud groan flooded the car and I rolled my eyes, glancing out the window.

"Look," Axel said suddenly. "Hayner only hit you because he thought what Seifer said was true."

"How could he think that, though?" I asked, snapping my head at him. I touched my chest with my thumb. "I'm his best friend."

"Try _were_ ," he corrected. "You _were_ his best friend, and if I recall correctly, you were a crappy one at that." He was giving me a sly stare while he watched the way I glared at him. "Just an observation—and going by what Xion told me because I wasn't there for all the early drama. This goes without saying, but you really changed since you started hanging out with Seifer, even I could see that when you were with him." He seemed oblivious to the fact that the light had changed green, and several people were honking at him, either that, or he didn't give a damn.

"I didn't know that I changed _that_ much," I stated. "Not until that night."

Axel scoffed. "Yeah, and that's pretty sad, considering—" He started counting on his fingers. "You basically did everything Seifer's posse told you to do in order to fit in, you ditched your friends in order to do said tasks, and you eventually just cut off all communication with said friends because they were, what? Genuine, loving, there for you whenever you needed them to be—?

"Axel," I bit out. He was trying my patience.

"You make me sick," he said, giving me a cross look. "And you want to know something else? After being Seifer's lapdog, and doing all that pointless bull to fit in, they never said you were an official group member. They never even called you _friend_ , did they?"

I quieted, turning my head.

I heard him chuckle. "That's what I thought… pathetic."

"Is that why you helped me?" I asked, my voice low. "Just to tell me off? Because there's no gold star for last place." Everyone else had already beat him to it, telling me how wrong I was…

"No," Axel answered. "I only helped you because Hayner was punching you for all the wrong reasons. Hayner believed that you caused Xion to lose her vision; _I_ didn't. _I_ know the truth." From the sound of the squeaking in his seat, I assumed that he shifted. "Personally, I'd like to punch you for all the _right_ reasons here and now—but I think a double K.O. might be a little much, don't you?"

When another car honked, Axel swore and rolled his window down, flipping the driver off. "Go the fuck around already!" he called out. "You've got enough space!" He sighed as he rolled his window back up, shaking his head. "Man, driver's can be _so_ rude these days."

"Right," I said dryly, nodding. _Because leaving your foot on the brake at a green light makes you less of a jackass…_ "Then why does Hayner believe that I did something like that?"

He scoffed when I glanced at him, almost in spite of himself. "Why wouldn't he? Didn't I just tell you that your ex-friends don't trust you?"

"There's something else," I said, suspicion in my tone. "You're hiding something." He had to be. Hayner wouldn't believe something Seifer said. He wouldn't think I'd stoop _that_ low… would he?

"Am I?" His grin widened.

"…Quit giving me that look."

"What look?"

I gestured towards his smile. " _That_ look." The look reminded me of a creepy fan fiction reader who'd just discovered that perfect lemon scene…

Axel touched his heart, an internal oath of some sorts being made. "I'm innocent, I swear."

My eyes narrowed. "…What'd you do?" I didn't trust him as far as I could throw him, but I needed answers. He was the only one talking to me at this point.

He scratched his cheek with his index finger, glancing up. "Let's see now," he said in a neutral voice. He blew out a light huff of breath. "What if I told you that someone I know _might've_ convinced Hayner to attack you…"

I titled my head. "Would that someone be you…?"

Axel chuckled. "Hypothetically speaking, yes." When he saw the look I was giving him, he rolled his shoulders cautiously. "Maybe I should start from the beginning?"

"Maybe you should," I suggested, voice low.

"You sound mad."

"I am mad. I'm _pissed_ , actually."

"…Right."

"No, left," I said, pointing. "My house is that way."

He actually grinned. I think he was the kind of person that fed off sarcasm and the discomfort of others.

Another honk from other strangers signaled another middle finger from Axel, only this time, he decided to drive off. I don't think he noticed the light was red by now, but after hearing the horns of other swerving vehicles—and my screams of bloody murder—I think he understood that we almost died.

* * *

Later, Axel pulled up on a familiar sidewalk. Across the street from us was a red brick house with a grey rooftop and a matching porch. It was two stories, and the walkway was made of various shades of dark stones. Inside was the warmth I'd missed from my mother, the affections of coming home from school and having my little brothers run up to me so we could share how our days went… Of all the places I could've asked Axel to drop me off…

I hadn't meant to give Axel directions here, not this house. This wasn't my home anymore. I didn't belong, and I doubt my dad would ever give me permission to come home. I'd went from being the perfect son, to his embarrassment in one night…

I guess it's true what they say: Home is where the heart is.

At the end of the day, my heart was definitely here with my family; I missed them.

Axel was staring at me intently, like he was waiting for me to make a move. You know, I'd almost started too, until a black car pulled up into the driveway. I knew who it belonged to, and when I saw my mother getting out of the passenger's side, I couldn't stop myself from getting anxious.

She was smiling, like a genuine 'I'm happy to be alive' kind of grin. I'd never seen it before, so it felt a little off.

 _Maybe I should ask if she's okay…_

My hand inched towards the car handle, ready to push it open, until I saw my dad get out on the driver's side of his vehicle. He still looked as stoic as ever, even after he and mom opened the doors of the backseat to say something to my little brothers. I hated how tired and emotionally drained he always seemed—like it was a chore to show his kids affection, or maybe he didn't know how…

How could he not get all mushy and proud after seeing Sora and Ventus jump out of the car and race each other to the front porch? I felt that way, and from the looks of things, so did mom.

Denzel took his sweet time getting out, of course. And he reached up for my mother's left hand when he was safely out, using his free thumb to stick in his mouth.

At first, I thought "Didn't they miss me?" But right then, reality sunk in. The neighbors were watching them, and they'd finally waved at my parents.

A united front was about to commence.

Dad waved back, a false smile on his face as he casually pulled Denzel's finger out of his mouth and murmured something to him. Mom whispered something back, a comment that must've annoyed him, because I knew the difference in their facial grins at this point and those grins were definitely fake. They were arguing over Denzel's thumb, and I think it was just an excuse to argue about _me_ …

It might've went something like this:

 _Denzel, take your thumb out of your mouth._

 _He's three, Cloud._

 _Yes, he's_ three _, not two. It shouldn't be in there anymore._

 _It's_ his _thumb,_ his _mouth. Do you have to dictate every movement our kids do?_

 _Funny how you said the same thing about Roxas, and I did loosen up. Look where that got us…_

 _Don't you pin this on me! You're the one who…!_

Poor Denzel just so happened to be in the line of fire caused by yours truly, and he was peering up at them with a bewildered expression.

Regardless, I knew that once they entered the house, their whispers of complaints would increase to roars—well, maybe just from my mom's end since dad never liked to actually talk about their issues with full on screaming—and then again, he'd probably walk off and pretend that he was deaf so he didn't have to hear her, as bad as that sounds… Dad could be pretty cold sometimes…

Still, I didn't want my little brothers hearing any of their issues.

It wasn't healthy, and I don't think dad was even stable enough to be around. I think he was like a ticking time bomb, just counting down the days until he reached his limit and destroyed everything surrounding him.

I couldn't stand the man… and I couldn't stand myself for still loving him.

"They look pretty happy," Axel commented. "Perfect family…" Some people say those are the ones with the most to hide. I second that.

I shook my head. "They're faking it." While sitting back in my seat, I sighed. Suddenly my face didn't sting as much. "I gave you the wrong address."

His brow lifted, a humored expression on his face. "Really now? Because I'm pretty sure those two adults look like mommy and daddy."

I snapped my head at him. "I don't live there anymore, alright?"

He quieted, giving me a surprised gaze. "… _Seriously_?"

"Yeah," I said, crossing my arms. "Not since this whole Xion fiasco…"

He blew out a huff of air, shocked at my news. "…That's pretty screwed up," he admitted. "They just disowned you like that?"

The sound of my phone ringing made me groan, and after I fetched my phone out of my pockets, I glared at the screen. _Maybe I shouldn't answer…_

Axel leaned over, grunting. "Aerith's number, huh? Bet Xion's got another chore for you to do."

I eyed him suspiciously. "How'd you know?"

"She's my best friend," he clarified. "It's my job to know."

I promptly ignored her call, opting to just head to her house. "Can you take me there...?"

* * *

It took another thirty minutes before we arrived at the Fair house, and once we had, Xion was sitting on the front porch with her mutt of a dog, Vanitas. The little, dark furred demon ran over to me the moment I exited Axel's car, and he bit at my pants, growling at me.

"I outta kick you," I stated, walking forward. He didn't let go, and Axel chuckled as we stepped up the porch. The redhead leaned against the front door while I sat on the white railing. Only then did Vanitas finally let go of me, still growling as if I were afraid.

"Hey there," Axel greeted Xion. "Guess who got his face bashed in?"

Xion's face brightened. "Roxas?"

I wanted to call her something foul for smiling like that at my misfortune, but I thought better of it. "That would be correct."

"Serves you right," she stated, giggling. She sounded so smug about it.

"Yeah," I said, my tone dry. "Because trying to save _your_ little sister warrants a fist to the face…"

"There's so much _love_ on this porch," Axel spoke up, smirking at me. "It's like magic."

Is it bad that I wanted to punch him?

"What happened exactly?" Xion asked. She patted her leg, and Vanitas ran up to her, licking her right hand when she lowered it. "Did Hayner get you?"

"Yeah, he..." I paused, squinting at her. "But… how would _you_ know that?"

She shrugged. "I told him you did it."

 _Excuse me...?_ "...Did _what_?"

She gestured towards her blindfolded eyes. "This." I noticed her head wasn't directly facing me. It was slightly off, like she was trying to decipher where my face was by pitch. Poor job, but then again, she hadn't been blind for long.

The casual way she went about saying that was… how can I put this without sounding like an asshole…? Nope, I can't hold it back. She sounded bitchy—like someone should walk up to her and slap that pretty smile right off her face…

 _Did I really just call her smile…_ pretty _? No, no… she's a sadist for christ's sake! Look at what she just admitted to doing to me!_

I blinked the thought away, glaring at her. " _You_ told... You told Hayner that on purpose?!" I would've approached her, if Axel hadn't grabbed me by my shoulder. "What the hell is your problem?!"

"No need to shout," she said, a small smile on her face. She brushed her hair behind her right ear, rolling her shoulders. "I just wanted to get you back for what you did to me…"

Some sick revenge, huh…?

"You know what, Xion?!" Axel was standing between us at this point, blocking me from doing anything I might regret. "I've done a lot of thinking this past few days, and I…!" I slowly shook my head, fists curling. "I'm not gonna blame myself anymore! I'm just _not_ doing it!" I stepped back, spreading my arms. "I won't pretend like all of this is all my fault anymore."

"Good for you," she said dryly. "But that's not going to bring back my sight, Roxas."

"And you think torturing me like this will?!"

"Easy," Axel said quickly, pushing me back by my shoulders. "I'm not having you two kill each other."

I was seeing red, envisioning myself doing something stupid while I watched the grin on her face. " _Seifer_ is the one who screwed up your sight, not me! Grow the fuck up!"

" _Excuse me_?!" she asked, offended. If her eyes were visible, I'm sure they'd be filled with tears. "I have every right to feel this way! I've lost everything that makes me… _me_! I'm the victim here, not _you_! You're just my life ruiner!"

I relaxed, scoffing as I took a step back. "That's the stupidest excuse I've ever heard."

She made this face, as if I slapped her. "W-what?"

"Being the victim," I clarified. "Don't use that as an excuse to hurt other people. That's _lame_ , Xion." Before she could retort, I said, "I'm sorry for what I helped Seifer do at your house—and I'm sorry that you lost your sight—but I'm not the one that did that to you so I won't apologize for it anymore." _There. I said it._

She was frowning at me, like I'd run over her dog. "I hate you so much, Roxas," she whispered.

"Yeah, I got that much," I assured her through gritted teeth. "And I don't think I care anymore." I know I may have changed, but so did she… Xion wasn't the same person.

Axel gazed at us in complete shock, eyes wide as if he were in the audience of a Dr. Phil special. "Alright, let's all bring it down a notch…"

"Does that mean you hate me as much as I hate you?" she asked in a whisper.

It took all my willpower to stop my eyes from rolling. "Xion, I _wish_ I could hate you," I replied softly, shaking my head in disbelief. "But I can't." _I've already tried. It just doesn't work…_

Her brows furrowed while her lips curled inward. "Why not?"

"If I knew the answer to that I wouldn't be standing here."

Axel arched an inquisitive brow at me. "Really now?" There was a tease in his voice, a knowing sense of realization.

"Bite me," I snapped, frowning at him. He pretended to chomp at an invisible force, all the while narrowing his eyes at me.

Xion wiped some fallen tears from her cheeks, nose pink at stuffy. "I'm sorry I lied to Hayner…" Her voice sounded hoarse. "When he asked me if what Seifer had told everyone was true, I just thought 'Roxas deserves this.' So I told him, 'Yes.'" She cleared her throat, head lowering towards the porch. "I'm sorry he attacked you."

I grunted. "Yeah right."

She actually covered her mouth to hide her smile. "Okay, I'm sorry for directing all of my anger at only _you_. Seifer did this too…"

"How'd he even have time to tell anyone about this?" I asked. "The cops told me at the hospital that they were going to arrest him that night." But in the time span that it took for the ambulance to arrive after the cops tried to arrest me, plus the transporting of Xion and I to the hospital, and the amount of time to took for me to explain what happened _after_ my arm was properly stitched up, that left about an hour and a half of time not accounted for…

That left Seifer an hour and a half to do some damage control.

Axel chuckled sheepishly, raising his hand. "See, that's where this takes another turn for ugly."

" _You_ ," I said, brow raising. "Talk. Now." These two manipulators… All this because I was an accomplice? A few more years, and I'd be done with highschool drama, and all the money in the world wouldn't be enough to make me willingly re-live this bullshit again.

Axel was grinning, reminding me of a fox—sly. "I knew we should've started from the beginning, Xion." Xion agreed with a nod, waving for him to continue as she wiped at her nose with her free hand.

Axel sighed, scratching the back of his head with a lax shrug. "You know that teen hangout called The Usual Spot that's open twenty-four hours a day on weekends?" It was like a nightclub without the alcohol.

"A lot of seniors go there," I stated. Seifer took me there once. "What about it?"

"I was hanging around there with Dem and Zex that weekend..."

Even on the weekend, my parents weren't foolish enough to let me stay out all night. That's probably why I liked Seifer so much—because he had abundant freedom and his parents always said, "Just make it back alive." Kind of stupid, really… but I did tell you before that I'm not much of a logical thinker.

"I'm well aware of your connection with Thing One and Thing Two," I commented, nodding.

He gave me an irritable glance. "Well, Seifer showed up there, talking about how you ruined Xion's eyes and how he witnessed it. I didn't really believe it at first, because I figured Aerith would've called me if something like that happened… and then the cops showed up—and then he started screaming that it was all your fault and how you had lied to the cops."

"I didn't lie," I spoke up.

Axel lifted his hand. waving it dismissively. "I went to the hospital right after his arrest, and I saw Aerith crying in the waiting room. She said you left earlier and that she had forgotten to call me because she'd gotten the call while visiting her friend and…" He swore. "Some of the seniors who were at The Usual Spot that night spread the gossip. They said it was _your_ fault." He rolled his shoulders. "And I let them."

Xion raised her right hand slightly, probably feeling guilty. "And when Hayner asked about the rumor, I told him what Seifer said was true—that I was there so it had to be true and that you did this to me… The only person who knew the real story was Axel, and he agreed to lie for me when I asked him to…"

Axel whistled when he saw the look I was giving them. "Look, I'm sorry."

"And I'm almost sorry," Xion admitted. She rubbed her right shoulder timidly while she waited on me to speak.

"…Are you really expecting me to forgive you two stooges?" I asked them.

Axel shook his head. "Of course not, but since the two of _us_ are temporarily enemies against _you_ because of this incident, and you're basically Xion's slave for three hundred and fifty-eight days, we may as well hang out together."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You've got no logic."

"Neither do you if you're willing to hang around Seifer," Xion retorted.

"Great," I said to myself, stepping down the porch. "A frickin' two for one deal…" One of them hated my existence, and the other... Well, I wasn't sure where Axel and I stood in terms of a friendship. He was shady, and I wasn't sure if he wanted me around to keep an eye on me or if he was doing this because I was Xion's lapdog…

"Eyes," Xion called me. "Are you leaving me?" _Yes._

"Roxas!" Aerith called softly, nearly dropping her grocery bags to the ground. There was alarm in her voice. I hadn't even noticed her car pull into the driveway. "I called you earlier to let you know that I was away, but Xion was still at the house if you wanted to drop by, and... Sweetheart, your face is a bruised mess—and your cheek looks _awful_." She walked up to me and placed her bags on the steps, hovering her hands over my face. "Did someone punch you?"

"Yeah," Axel chimed in, mirth in his voice. "Over and over again—really epic."

"Don't make me hit you," I threatened.

"I'm so scared," he taunted.

Aerith gave us a small frown. "No fighting you two."

"I'd never hit a friend," Axel stated seriously.

I gave him an incredulous look, wondering how the conversation had taken such a strange turn of events. "We're _not_ friends."

"Yes we are," he concluded, raising his index finger. "By shitty default. Remember?" He touched his temple. "Memorize that."

I blinked. "…That makes _no_ sense!" Axel was filled with mind games.

Xion was laughing at us, really giggling while she covered her hand over her mouth to hide it. The sound made the three of us smile, if only for a moment.

 _She has an attractive laugh, really nice on the ears… oh God. Here we go again… Moving on._

"Does it hurt?" Aerith asked me. She was referring to my face. I wanted to say 'Why yes, Mrs. Fair. It certainly does. An award for most obvious goes to…' but I thought better of it. Aerith was too nice, but if anyone else had asked that, though…

I'd forgotten all about my wounds, to be honest. "You know," I said, touching my face. "I _really_ can't feel anything on here so I don't think it matters too much…" I think that had been the wrong answer, because she looked mortified.

Axel made an uncomfortable sound, reminding me of a dying dog, but when I glanced back towards the porch, Vanitas was alive and well... "And on that note, I'm taking you to the hospital." He murmured, "Should've just taken you before…"

Xion was grinning again. "I'll go too. I'd like a verdict on the damage Hayner caused." They were talking about this so nonchalantly, like it was an everyday thing.

It wasn't.

They were such weirdos… but then again, _I_ was stuck with said weirdos by 'shitty default' as Axel had so casually called it.

Aerith was staring at me like I had two heads. "…I think I'll call Leon."

"Please don't worry him," I begged.

"But _I'm_ worried," she admitted, her green eyes wary. "I think the feeling warrants a phone call to your primary caretaker."

"Why aren't you staying with your parents?" Xion asked suddenly.

My brows furrowed. "You don't know?"

"If I did I wouldn't be asking," Xion stated softly. "Who are you living with?"

 _A guy who could pass for a Final Fantasy character…_ "With Leon." I actually loved the man's company, more than anyone else's in my life right now.

Xion had quieted, brows furrowing. "Mr. and Mrs. Strife just—they just kicked you out…?"

"Yep."

"Because of what happened?"

"More like my dad disowned me because of what happened," I admitted, rubbing the back of my neck. "And my mom begged him not to."

"Sorry to hear that," she spoke up softly. Sadness lingered in her tone, laced with a bit of guilt.

I didn't know if she was being serious or not, but when Axel patted my shoulder and gestured towards the car, I nodded. Once he'd approached Xion and touched her arm, she wrapped hers around his, locking limbs while she grabbed her walking stick.

Aerith was still giving me a sympathetic gaze. "Should I say 'have fun' or would that be creepy?"

I chuckled. "Fun at the place where everyone goes to die?" I waved the idea off. "Of course."

She almost laughed, but it came out as more of a scoff when she tried to hide it. "Have fun you three."

"Can you really _not_ feel your face?" Xion asked as she and Axel walked to the car.

As I trailed behind, I nodded. "Pretty much."

"Cool," she whispered. _Sadist._

Xion was less than sane sometimes, but it's okay because from the looks of things, so was I. Anyone who was willing to hang around these two manipulators would be but I did sort of admire their camaraderie.

"Oh, hey Axel," I called.

He paused, turning around so he could get a better view of me while Xion released him, waiting on us. "Yeah?"

My fist made contact with his jaw, and his head snapped towards the left. Aerith gasped, touching her chest while she gave me a horrified gaze, but I didn't care. There was no greater satisfaction that day than watching Axel's eyes widen and Xion make this sort of confused expression while she wondered what was going on. "Now," I spoke up, a huge grin on my face as I crossed my arms. "We're even."

The redhead touched his sore cheek, smirking at me. "You've got guts." He extended his left hand. "I'm Axel." _A left handshake, huh? I hear in some parts of the world, people call this an evil gesture..._

"Roxas," I greeted, shaking his larger palm.

Xion was frowning at us. Well, not directly. Her head was kind of lowered. "I don't get it. I thought you two hated each other less than a minute ago?"

"We did," we both stated. This was a strange turn of events.

Aerith's hands were on me, pushing me towards the car. "Hospital, please," she requested. She looked like she was panicking, even though she forced a smile on her face.

…

 **A/N:** I want Axel and Roxas to have a peculiar love/hate sort of relationship in this fic, filled with sarcasm. I also didn't want to straight up add in Axel signature phrase, seeing as how I already added in some original dialogue of his in the last chapter. I thought it be a tad cliche and expected in that moment. Anyways, all thoughts are welcome. If I missed anything (misspelled anything, left out a word, inserted the wrong word), be sure to let me know. The autocorrect suck ass, but I'm sure I already explained that in the last chapter lol

You're free to leave a review or click a button if you can. Idk when I'll updating my stories again. Fall semester is about to start so I might go on a long break.

 **Reply to Guest Review (Mastersword126):** The Roxas and Leon relationship has been my fav to write about so far, and I can't wait to post this one particular scene with them that I wrote that comes way later. I think it's the best scene they have together. Thanks for liking my story so far! Love guest reviews as much as I loved signed ones. :)


	6. Feels Like the End of the World

**Chapter 6: Feels Like the End of the World**

"There's a slight fracture," Dr. Ansem said in a disapproving tone. His gelled, blond hair stayed in place while he tapped his pen against his clipboard, reading over some of my results. "Although I'm surprised your jaw isn't broken. Not many could sustain a fall like that without life-threatening wounds." The look in his yellow eyes were kind of daunted, as if he didn't believe what he'd been reading.

After a troubled sigh, he glanced at me. "Tell me truthfully: How are you feeling?"

I shrugged. "Fine I guess."

"Curious," he whispered to himself, writing something down. "Simply amazing…"

"…So I'm good to go?" I asked. _What is it with white rooms?_ _It's gotta be like the purest color of the entire spectrum and it's just so bland…_ Why the heck were they so uninviting?

Maybe because people associated hospitals with death more than they did recovering—or at least _I_ did…

"I didn't say that," Dr. Ansem countered, bringing me back to reality. He was quiet for a while, giving me an unreadable gaze. "Would you like to know the truth?"

"…Well, I'd rather you not lie to me so sure. Go for it."

He sighed and handed me an X-ray of my skull, using his pen to point towards the back of my jaw. "I'm worried that perhaps your discs might be misaligned."

"Laymen's terms," I requested, cocking my head.

He caught himself from smiling fully—making it vanish before I barely had time to register that it was there. "Do you hear a clicking sound in the back of your mouth whenever you talk, Mr. Strife—where your jaw joints are?"

"It's Roxas, but now that you mention it…" I nodded as I spoke, "Yeah. It's every time I move my jaw."

"That's where your discs are located, Roxas. This means they could be unbalanced."

I was catching on now. "So my fall—"

"Is the culprit—or _whoever_ it was that pushed you." He gave me a stern gaze, and I thought of my grandfather whenever he'd scold my dad for being too hard on us. "If I were you, I'd report this to the police as assault, and probably attempted murder, too."

"Atempted…? Really doc?"

He gave me a severe gaze. "Yes, really. You could've easily broken your neck and died or become completely paralyzed from a spinal injury—or you could've acquired severe head trauma, triggered seizures for the rest of your life, post-traumatic stress, suicidal behavior because of the permanent paralysis…" He quieted when he noticed the frown I was giving him.

"Roxas, the possibilities of pain are endless in situations pertaining to these. There's danger in everything we as humans do, but even slight injuries, even ones that you may assume benign, could somehow lead to possible, long-term pain…"

He had a solemn look in his eyes as he spoke this, and I figured that maybe he was thinking about a deceased patient….

Or maybe I was just thinking like a pessimist.

"Pain is like darkness, Roxas. It's always there—always lingering around us, even if we don't see it. Apply what I'm saying to your injuries."

He really did sound like a concerned father… I think I gained a little more respect for him because he was scolding me for not pressing charges on Hayner.

"But I'm not permanently damaged," I said quickly. "So it doesn't matter now."

I knew he disagreed by the way he was shaking his head. "A hospital visit after an attack doesn't matter…? Either this person must be important to you, or you're afraid to take action—or maybe it's both assumptions for their sake."

My lips parted in surprise but I masked it by giving him suspicious gaze. "What do you mean?"

"You're avoiding ratting them out," he stated. "And earlier when I asked how you acquired the facial wounds, you said, 'a friend and I were fighting.' I think that validates my theories."

"…Isn't it a little unprofessional to be so nosy?" I hadn't meant to blurt it out, but the mirth in his eyes gave me a clear indication that he didn't mind.

"I have a son of my own," he explained. "It's my job to be nosy, but yes. I am being unprofessional at the moment."

Curiosity got the better of me and I asked, "How old is he—your son, I mean?"

Dr. Ansem had begun writing down something on his clipboard as he answered me. "He's nine, and he's always getting into fights with his best friend." As he wrote, he gazed affectionately at the keychain hanging from the clip of the board. It was a red emblem in the shape of a heart. "It's funny, really; they usually duel with wooden items." He had a certain fondness to him now, as if he were visualizing that memory. "Their imaginations impress me…"

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Yeah. My little brother Sora and his best friend do that all the time. They love to compete and make keyblades out of wood. My mom gets really annoyed by the splinters he gets." I'd get upset with Sora, too. Sometimes he'd come home with splinters that made _me_ want to cry for him.

Dr. Ansem's eyes widened at my comment, and he actually smiled at me. "Sora…? Is… is his best friend a little boy named Riku?"

Slowly, my brow arched. "Um… yeah but how—?"

"Riku is my adopted son."

Oh...

 _Oh…!_

It was my turn to look surprised. "Seriously? _You're_ the Mr. DiZ Sora always talks about?" When he nodded, I grinned. "It's a small world after all."

He made a 'tsk' noise. "True. If only there were more worlds to travel to instead of simply traveling to the other side of this one," he commented. _Didn't know doctors could be so deep…_

I agreed with a nod. "If only…" He seemed legit like a cool person.

He coughed to clear his throat and he used his pen to tap against my X-ray. "Now, have a look right here."

"Here…?"

"Yes."

"What about it?"

"Notice anything missing?"

"…A tooth?"

"You're missing _three_ teeth in the back, Roxas," he explained in a grave tone. He slid the tip of pen towards the outline my jaw on the X-ray. "One of them is stuck in your cheek right here, and I haven't a clue about the other two. Perhaps you've swallowed them? Did you feel anything going down your throat?" He mumbled something about an abdominal X-ray and jotted it down on his clipboard.

I cocked my head, rubbing the back of my neck. "Nope, I just felt the blood I swallowed during the punches."

He made a noise of disapproval, and when his yellow eyes met mine, he looked seriously disturbed. "…And you don't feel anything in your jaw? Anything at all…?"

I blinked. "Not really, no… Should I?"

"…Yes."

"…Okay, hang on, doc. Let me try again."

He touched my right shoulder, sighing. "Don't. That's all I needed to see."

I gave him a curious look, arching my brow. "You're worried."

"I am not." I found it humorous that he was arguing with me. It reminded me of my little brothers for a moment.

"But you just did the shoulder touch," I stated, pointing an accusing finger at him. "Everybody knows the shoulder touch comes with bad news. It's like the omen of death or something."

He was writing something down at full speed. "We'll need to check your tastes buds, and it seems we'll also need a dentist to check your nerve endings—run some tests and such."

"What kind of tests?"

"Various."

"Good to know?"

"Well then," he said, placing his pen in the pocket of his white lab jacket. "Shall we go out and greet the family?"

"…Leon?" He was my primary caretaker now since my dad was being… _dad_.

"Your entire family is here," he stated, heading to the door. He opened it. "Follow me down the hall please."

I looked at him as if he had two heads. "…My dad's here? Cloud Strife?" I pointed down. "He's _here_? He's here to see _me_?"

Dr. Ansem had a brow raised upon seeing me look so apprehensive. "Is your father abusive?" He took a step towards me, shutting the door behind him. "If he is, you can tell me, Roxas. I assure you—"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa!" My hands lifted in front of me defensively. "It's not like that. He just disowned me is all." That didn't sound much better, and his critical stare wasn't helping my clarification. "I… he's… I caused my friend to go blind and he kind of disowned me—that's why my friend at school did this to my face." I had said it all in one breath. "No child abuse here." Emotional abuse, though; that was another story.

He looked speechless.

"Talk to me, doc," I begged. _Great, now he thinks I'm a bad person… Then again, I kind of am…_

"Sora said 'My big brother says he made Xion go blind,'" Dr. Ansem spoke up. "'But I know it was that blond meanie with the scar on his face who really did it.'"

We shared a brief smile before he opened the door again, and he gestured for me to follow him. "This way."

"R-right…" I hurried behind him down the busy hall, passing by several nurses in their pink and blue scrubs, and my sneakers made squeaks on the black and white tiles, making me feel slightly embarrassed by my choice of footwear.

The red walls were a weird choice of coloring, though. It instantly made me the opposite of calm, like I was angry, or my emotions were just intense for no apparent reason.

"We're going to paint them tan by Tuesday," Dr. Ansem commented as we walked, knowing my dilemma. "Patients have complained about the color…" As we rounded a corner, he asked, "Did you know colors in a room effect a person's attitude? Lighting does, too."

"Really?"

"Yes," he answered. "Imagine walking into a hospital with black walls. People would assume that everyone died and they'd always be upset, but if the walls were say… a vibrant yellow or a crisp orange, people would feel warm and happier."

"How do you know all this stuff?"

"My wife used to be an interior designer before she died," he stated. "She's always said that black welcomed darkness."

"…Sorry," I whispered.

He glanced down and offered me a small grin of appreciation. "Don't be. It was her time. Riku took it worse than I did, since he didn't understand that she had a terminal illness at the time..."

"You're crazy!" Axel shouted at my mother. She had him pinned up against the wall by his collar, and even though she hadn't punched him yet, her glare was doing a lot of damage.

Axel actually looked freaked out…

Until he saw me… then he made a face like he'd found Jesus. Priceless.

There's something about mothers… I don't know how to properly describe it, but when the good ones do something that embarrass you, but that something makes you think they're your immortal, personal superhero at the same time, you just have to smile… right?

Call me a sap for saying this if you want, but I love my mom.

"Roxas!" Axel called in relief. "Tell your hot mom I didn't do that to your face!"

I chuckled, nodding. "Mom, Axel's cool. Please don't kill him—and don't call her 'hot.'"

"Hey, I call a spade a spade," he retorted. "Even if said spade is trying to kill me."

"Don't call her 'hot,'" I commanded again, grimacing. "That's weird."

"Don't tell someone they can't call me 'hot,'" my mom snapped at me. She was smiling as she said it, probably because her ego had been boosted and she released Axel, waving her finger back and forth at me. "There's nothing wrong with having a hot mom, Roxas."

I sighed. "Okay. One: Gross." I counted on my fingers. "And two: Where's Xion?"

"Talking with your father and brothers," she stated.

It was that moment that Leon showed up in the waiting room, anxiety showing on his face—a rarity foe him. As he went up to counter, I took a step forward, bring my hand to circle half of my mouth. "Leon!"

He turned at the sound, and when he caught sight of me, he actually ran. "Roxas!" he looked… protective…? Yeah…

It felt nice.

The relieved hug he gave me after I'd met him halfway added to the sense of security I felt whenever I was around him. Leon really was the dad I wish Cloud could be… "Are you alright?" he asked me. He carefully examined my face, scrunching his brows in concern. "What happened? Who did this?" I parted my lips to answer, but another voice made me quiet.

"The whole point of him staying with you was so that something like this wouldn't happen again," my dad spoke up. He sounded pissed.

Leon and I broke our hug, and I immediately took a step back, opting to shy behind his tall frame instead.

Dad was scary when he wanted to be.

Xion was clutching his arm, tears dripping from her blindfolded face, and I began to wonder what he'd said to her.

Whatever it'd been, I didn't like it.

Leon had been scowling at him the instant my dad had spoken those words. 'Glaring daggers' would be the appropriate term, but I think if they had weapons they'd be trying to maim each other. "And I thought the point of me keeping him was so _you_ didn't have to look at him anymore." He sounded ready to kill.

"He's my son," my dad said. "Not yours."

 _Jealousy…?_

 _They were arguing about me…?_

"Don't pin this on me, Cloud," Leon warned.

"And don't make me out to be the bad guy, Squall," Cloud shot back. "I'm doing what I can." _Squall…?_

Leon quirked a brow. "Running away from the problem?" My brows furrowed in confusion as I mouthed, 'The problem?'

I was his problem now…? Just like I was my dad's problem?

"It's better than looking at it everyday."

I had visibly began sulking, thinking that Leon was referring to me as something of a chore, like my dad had just done, until he grabbed my arm and pulled me forward, throwing his arm around my shoulders. "Roxas isn't the problem here. Your ability to keep everything bottled up is. You're just using him as an excuse." I peered up at him, eyes wide.

 _Leon…_

"Hey you two," my mom said cautiously. "Calm down."

Axel, carefully pulled Xion away from my dad, guiding her away from the scene. My dad had taken a few steps towards Leon and I, like he was ready to snap. He even tugged his arm away from my mother's touch when she reached for him. "I'm not explaining myself to you."

"Then explain it to your son."

Before they could charge each other, my mom stepped between them, placing a firm palm on both of their chests. "You're supposed to be friends."

They both glowered in response.

Dr. Ansem cleared his throat and everyone turned to him. "I'd like to discuss Roxas' results with the three of you in my office if that's acceptable." After another moment of tension, my parents straightened up and followed after him down the hall. Leon gave my shoulder a quick, reassuring squeeze before he followed after them.

"R-Roxas," Xion whispered. I snapped my head to see her face buried in her hands. "I'm sorry…"

She meant it; I knew she did. Why else would she be crying?

I took a hesitant step forward, lifting my hand to reach for her. "Xion...? What'd my dad say to you?"

Axel shrugged when I looked to him for an answer. "Beats me."

"…Have you seen my little brothers?" I asked. My hand lifted to about 50 inches from the ground. "Twins about yay high—and a little ankle biter who always has his thumb in his mouth?"

Axel chuckled at my casual description and shook his head while he rubbed soothing circles on Xion's arm. "Nope," he answered, popping the 'p'.

"Denzel!" Sora shouted in the distance. "Spit that _out_!"

 _Why my brothers?_ I asked myself as I paced off, leaving Axel there to calm Xion down. As I rounded the corner, I saw a blond girl in a white dress holding Denzel's hands while she spoke softly to him. Sora and Ven were on either side of her frowning while Denzel simply gave her a small pout…

Until he saw me…

"Wocsas!" he shouted, running towards me. I scooped him up by the time he made it over, hugging him and placing a quick kiss on his forehead.

"ROXAS!" Sora and Ven shouted. They came at me with as much excitement as Denzel had, and the force of their combined embraces caused me to topple over. "We missed you!"

"I missed you guys, too," I assured them. "Aw, Sora! Don't cry!"

"I don't want you go away again," he whispered. He buried his face in the fabric of my shirt on the right while Denzel lay down on my chest, nodding. Ven was nuzzled on my left, his expression about the same as Sora's.

"Don't leave again, Roxas," Ven whispered. "Please…"

It wasn't like I had a choice in the matter.

"I'm sorry, guys," I spoke up, combing my hands through Ven's hair. "Dad says so."

"But that's not fair," Sora whined.

Ven was nodding. "Can we come live with you?"

I offered him a small smile. "I don't think dad would let you unless you did something really horrible like I did."

"Excuse me," the blond girl from before spoke up. She was standing over us from where we lay, hands behind her back, and she was smiling.

I sat up, a sheepish grin on my face. "Hi…"

"Hi," she greeted softly. "I think your little brother may have swallowed a dime earlier."

Sora gasped. "That's right. I forgot!" He cupped Denzel's face in his hand, using his free pam to hold up one finger. "Open." I think he was prepared to stick his finger down Denzel's throat to make him vomit the dime back up...

Sora was such an awesome kid; strange, but awesome.

However, Denzel promptly said, "No. Weave me awone."

I almost laughed. "He'll poop it out later guys, seriously."

This made everyone giggle and I glanced back up at the blond girl. "I'm Roxas."

"Namine," she stated. "Nice to meet you." Before I could say anything else, my dad scooped Denzel off me.

"Boys," he said sharply, ignoring Denzel's sounds of protest. "We're going." Déjà vu….

Sora looked as if he'd been slapped in the face by the sudden change of events and as my dad grabbed Ven's arm, he shook his head. "I want to stay with Roxas," he said.

My mom's brushed her hair behind her ear, knowing Sora was about to throw a tantrum. "Sweetie, you'll see Roxas again."

"I don't wanna leave," Sora stated with a pout. He shied away from her hand when she extended it, and as I stood, Sora latched himself around my waist. "I wanna stay with Roxas."

Leon had just walked over to us, crossing his arms while he directed an exasperated stare at my dad. "Cloud—"

"Don't even start," my dad said. Denzel was throwing a fit in his arms, so he handed the tiny treasure to my mom, who instantly tried to sooth him by holding him close. Quick fingers snapped at Sora. "Come here." _Because calling your child like a dog always works..._

" _No!_ " Sora protested, stomping his foot defiantly.

"Sora, get over here." My dad gently pushed Ven towards my mom before advancing in our direction.

Sora hid behind me, clinging to my waist. "Don't let him take me, Roxas!"

I was at a loss for words. It wasn't like I had the physical strength to take my dad if he separated me from Sora…

But I could try, right?

"Dad," I spoke up, blocking his path when he tried to sidestep me. "Can't…" I gulped when he stood in front of me, his arms folded. "C-can't he at least spend the night?"

"…No."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so."

"Can't you un-say so, daddy?" Sora asked timidly.

My dad's face faltered for a moment at the adorable question, but his disapproving look came back within the same second. "Sora, you can't stay with Roxas."

"But I don't wanna to go home if Roxas isn't there!" Sora screamed. "You can't make me go—PUT ME _DOWN_!" Sora was being manhandled, literally snatched from the floor and when my dad carried him by, he gripped at my arms. "ROXAS, HELP ME!"

I'd never imagined what it'd be like to hear a sibling get murdered right in front of me, but I figured it'd be pretty similar to this. I'll never forget the way he'd screamed, the way the tears flew out of his eyes while he thrashed around to keep us from being separated…

"Sora," my dad said, irritated by the tantrum. He tugged Sora's petite frame, causing his tiny nails to dig into my arm. "Let go of him."

"I WANNA STAY WITH ROXAS!" I'd never seen Sora so much as pout and disagree before but _this_ … seeing the torture on his face, I just couldn't let him go.

I wouldn't.

My skin was welting as I held Sora's arms, and he refused to release me. I knew he'd get the spanking of a lifetime when he got home, though. It was going to suck, too, because Sora didn't deserve that. He really was a good kid.

"Dad, please," I begged. "Just let him—"

"One night won't hurt," Leon spoke up, agreeing with me. The expression on his face… he was appalled, just like the nurses and visitors who were observing. Namine had quietly excused herself, heading off. I knew she went to school with me, and I was pretty sure she might gossip.

My dad ignored Leon's suggestion in favor of giving Sora a final yank, and my little brother was pried away from me. The tips of his fingernails were dark red. "ROXAS, DON'T LET HIM TAKE ME AWAY!"

"S-Sora…" I whispered in a hoarse voice, taking step forward. There were so many wails of protest as he kicked and clawed at our dad's arms. Knowing that there was nothing I could do made it worse.

But my feet began to move slowly as Sora struggled, and I followed after them, watching my dad's brisk steps through the waiting room until he arrived at the elevator. Even as he entered, Sora noticed me and reached for me again, shaking his head violently as our dad murmured for him to be quiet.

"ROXAS, HELP ME…!"

"Sora!" I called, running forward. I ran up to the elevator and grabbed his hand. "I'll come back to you soon! I _promise_!"

"Roxas, _please_ don't leave me," he begged. His voice had gone hoarse from all of his earlier screaming, and as the doors closed, he was yanked from me again, muffling out the rest of his protests.

He was gone…

I sank to my knees, dumbfounded. _What... the_ fuck _just happened?_

I didn't fault my mom when she silently headed towards the other elevator on the other side of the room, not even saying goodbye to me. She looked defeated by life, truly broken while she guided Ven to follow after her. In her arms, Denzel waved goodbye to me, and when I waved back, I noticed the fresh amount of blood on my skin.

Five lines of bleeding scratches were each of my lower arms, reminders of the scene I'd just witnessed.

"Roxas?" Leon called.

I examined the marks absently. "He… he's not going to let them see me again, is he?"

Leon was beside me now, touching my shoulder. "I don't know…"

"Roxas," Dr. Ansem said. "Let me sterilize those wounds, and then we can run more test." He was pretending to sound unperturbed, but I knew better. He cared about Sora, too; he just couldn't beat the crap out of my dad or he'd lose his job...

* * *

The car ride was silent from where I sat in the passenger's seat, and once we'd dropped Axel and Xion off, Leon pulled up to his driveway, placing it in park before shutting the engine off. We sat the there in silence while I peered down at my bandaged arms. I couldn't stop thinking about Sora. If I ever had a child, I'd never treat them like my dad treated us. He felt so inhumane doing what he did in the hospital… my brain still hadn't fully processed that it actually happened… but there was this rage building inside me…

I wanted to kill my dad for being such an asshole.

"Roxas," Leon spoke up.

I snapped my head at him, feeling my eyes begin to water. "What's wrong with him?!" _Ah, there you are tears…_

"I'm not entirely sure."

"How can he just do that to Sora?! That's his _son_! He's supposed to protect him not scare him! What the fuck gives him the right to be such a—such a _dick_?!"

Leon looked taken aback by my words, and he surprised me when he actually began to chuckle. I almost started to scream at him, but after repeating my words in my mind, I wiped my tears, laughing with him.

We sounded sad, like it was forced—reminiscing about a humorous memory that involved a deceased friend. Eventually, my laughs turned into sniffles and I lowered my head.

"Why doesn't he love me anymore?" I cried in a hoarse whisper. "He doesn't even want me."

"I'm sure that's not true," Leon said.

"Yes it is. He hates me, and now he's making sure no one has anything to do with me." I scoffed bitterly. "I bet in a few months, no one would miss me."

"That's not true," Leon assured me. "I would."

Peering over at him, I asked, "But what happens if I mess up again? What happens if I do something to upset you?" Would Leon get rid of me, too? And what about after I graduated in a few years? What if I couldn't afford to go to college? Where would I stay? How would I be living?

Would Leon kick me out…?

I didn't want to be alone.

Was it a crime for a teenage boy to want to be loved? Did that make me less of a guy because I craved for what most of my peers had—someone who gave a damn?

Look, I just needed something solid—someone who could assure me that they were going to stick around…

"Roxas," Leon spoke up.

"Yeah…?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

The words left me as he motioned for me to come inside. "Let's go," he said, opening his door. "I'll start dinner."

"Uh… right…" I climbed out of the car, running after him.

When I entered the front door and shut it behind me, I saw that he was already setting down two plates at the table. He looked comfortable doing so, like he was used to having me around, and I found a small smile spreading on my lips.

Once he noticed me staring, he asked, "Are you up for eating stir-fry?"

"Y-yeah," I answered, pacing up to him. "…Mind if I help?"

"Go for it," he stated. "Right after you ice that jaw like the doctor said."

"Ugh! Leon, it doesn't even hurt."

"Do as I say," he stated.

I grumbled and went to retrieve one of the ice packs he kept stored in the freezer. While I placed it over my jaw, I couldn't help but think about how comfortable I felt at Leon's house—how easy it was for me to do as he said without feeling as if I were walking on eggshells.

He acted like he was… a better version of my dad.

I liked him better than Cloud, and from then on, I promised myself that Cloud wasn't my dad. He was a person who was keeping me from the rest of my family, and Leon was the anti-Cloud.

Leon was _home_.

…

 **A/N:** Notice all the KH references? Any who, I think every kid or teen just needs that one adult in their life that they can trust, even if they don't trust anyone else. I intend on explaining Cloud's issues of PTSD as the story progresses, but the next chapter is entirely Roxas, Hayner, Xion, Olette, Pence, and Axel. And this is the last time I give Roxas any _physical_ wounds; I promise! Sorry for the long update, too. I've been busy battling this bitchy thing called life.

Also, I going to try out having a beta for future chapters. I just need to find one that clicks with me so bear with me on that.

You're welcome to leave a review if you have the spare time, or click any button below. Either is better than neither, and thanks for even bothering to read!


	7. Nothing's Like Before

**Chapter 7: Nothing's Like Before**

I'm a lazy bum; there's no denying it now. Sleeping all the time will do that anyone because you start getting used to not being active. The only thing I did was handle hygienic stuff every now and then, and Leon would give me something to eat…

Wow.

Doing nothing sucked, but there's a reason behind it. Promise.

Ever had one of those days where you take a serious fall, but you don't feel it until the next day…?

Remember my fall—my _push_ —down the stairs?

Yeah. I felt everything the very next day. I literally woke up with a locked jaw and crying my eyes out because the pain was so bad. Leon even had the doc come over and drug me up…

I didn't feel as bad as I did the day after Hayner tried to beat me into oblivion, but I did still feel pretty terrible now. The principal told me that I'd have to make up all my missed work in summer school if I wanted to call myself a junior next year, though. I guess I should've been more upset about it when he gave me the bad news, but I knew I'd have nothing better to do.

Want to know something else?

It's crazy; I… I keep having these weird dreams—all about Sora. Well, they're more like nightmares. He's always trapped behind these huge doors and everyone keeps saying, "Leave him! We have to close it for good!" And in the nightmare… I… I close the door; I seal him inside—and I even have the nerve to _lock_ it.

And even though he calls out to me—even though he's _begging_ me to come rescue him—I ignore him… but then, I always wait until everyone leaves and I reopen it.

I always come back to go save him, wondering why I sealed him inside in the first place, only to find that he's died from being locked in for so long…

Then this man in a black cloak appears and tells me it's all my fault because I left Sora in there for three-hundred and fifty-eight days… but in the nightmare it only feels like I left him for literally two minutes. The scream Sora makes when he's knocking on the other side is enough to break even a murderers heart—and that's saying something…

I knew this nightmare had everything to do with the last time I'd seen my little brother, the way my dad… I mean, the way _Cloud_ yanked him away. I just didn't want to sleep anymore; I was afraid of dreaming. It was terrifying to know that even if I didn't want to do what I did to Sora in that dream as I was doing it, I _still_ kept doing it—I still kept shutting the door in his face like I was the villain…

But Cloud was the villain here, not me.

I'd never do anything to hurt Sora, _ever_ —or Ven, or even Denzel, for that matter. My siblings meant everything to me and I…

 _I just don't know what I'm doing anymore._

Sighing, I rolled on my right side, gazing at the plain window that welcomed the light through the clear pane. Reevaluating my life felt frustrating, like maybe I wasn't meant to actually have one…

"Knock-knock," I heard Axel say from the doorway. He had a hint of mischief in his voice, and I found myself grinning as I rolled over. He offered me a quick wave in greeting, one that made me give a dreary one back.

Axel was… _fun_ to be around. I'd been hiding out in my room for about a week and a half since the Sora incident, and he's been visiting every day. Even the _one_ time he couldn't make it, he called me to make sure I was okay.

I don't think he'd ever admit it if I asked, but I'm pretty sure we were becoming close friends. Leon thought it was a nice change of pace for me, even if he didn't like Axel too much. I think he was keener on the idea of me actually having a friend more than anything else.

Humoring him I asked, "Who's there?"

"The greatest pyro in existence."

I arched my brow, yawning for a moment. "You mean John Orr?"

Axel blinked, surprised by my answer. He actually shrugged and gestured with his head to validate my statement. "The second greatest then."

I smirked, eyes lidded while I snuggled into my pillow. _Why is it that short naps make me feel recharged and long naps make me feel like I've been sleeping for centuries and I'm stuck in some exhausting time warp?_ "Paul Keller?" I finally suggested, rubbing the side of my face. _Wake up, damn it. Wake up…_

"…You _know_ I deserve to be on that list, Roxas," he stated, coming to sit beside me. He was frowning like a kid who'd been denied candy.

I grunted. "I'll need proof before I can fit you into that category."

Axel spread his arms from where he sat, gesturing with himself. "I'm right here. Isn't my proof of existence enough?"

I made a 'psh' sound. "No way. Any statement like that requires documentation." I thought it over before adding, "And maybe a trip to a psychiatric ward."

"You're a rude piece of work in the morning," he stated, crossing his arms. "What crawled up your ass and died, hm?"

Without missing a beat, I said, "A dog."

"Ooh, that must've been why Vanitas went missing earlier," Axel mused. "Poor little thing." He made a 'tsk' noise, rubbing his chin as he hunched over. "Never stood a chance. The stench _alone_ down there probably killed him dead."

"That, and maybe surviving in an orifice would be impossible unless the occupant were a sexually transmitted disease," I reminded him.

He chuckled, agreeing. "Well then Larxene's probably got plenty of those occupants from Marluxia. I used to call her 'itchy bitchy' after she told me how her first checkup went…"

I couldn't stop myself from laughing, my imagination taking over.

"You two have the _weirdest_ friendship I've ever seen," Leon spoke up from the doorway. "It's certainly questionable."

Axel gave him a half-assed salute with his index and middle finger. "What up, Leon?"

"The sky," he said in a monotone voice, causing us both to smirk at him. "Didn't I tell you just to check up on him while I was gone, not actually _bother_ him?"

"Wait a minute, you—" I slowly sat up. _It's Saturday._ "You left? Where'd you go?" It worried me to know that he'd been gone while I was asleep, kind of like a child knowing their parents were going to be out late and they'd have to be tucked in by someone else. Leon brought out the strangest vibes in me, but I think I was suffering from daddy issues so I wasn't that surprised to feel this way.

Sensing my discomfort, Leon offered me a calming gaze, immediately making me feel the same. "I have this thing called a J-O-B," he stated, and I heard a slight tease in his tone. It was enough to earn a smirk from Axel. "I just took some time off once I knew you were coming to live with me." I must've looked guilty because he was quick to add, "You're not burdening me, Roxas. I just want to make sure I can give you proper attention while you're here, and I've enjoyed getting to know you—regardless of Cloud."

It was crazy; everything he did was to benefit me. It was like he put his entire life on hold just to make sure I was okay… What's crazier is that he never asked for anything in return, _nothing_ …

I still felt guilty. Who wouldn't? "Where do you work?"

Leon grunted, pacing over to us. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

Axel pointed an accusing finger at him. "I knew it! You're a hit man!"

I laughed when Leon playfully smacked him upside the head. "I own a motorcycle company. Nothing fancy."

Axel rubbed the sensitive spot, smirking. "There's only _one_ motorcycle company around here and that's Fenrir."

I tilted my head. "Fenrir…?" The name sounded familiar. "My dad—I mean, Cloud has one of those motorcycles." I ignored the taken aback look Leon had given me after hearing me call Cloud by his first name, saying, "He said they're the most durable in the state."

Axel eyed Leon with suspicion. "…Are you secretly rich?"

"I'm secretly content," was the reply from the wiser. He leaned down to get a view of my face, nodding to himself as he inspected my jaw. "The bruising's nearly gone." He grimaced at the sight of the scratches on my arm… They were from Sora…. Focusing back on my face, he asked, "Does it hurt like before?"

"Nah," I said. "I'm good."

He straightened up, giving me an approving glance before he gazed at Axel. After crossing his arms, he said, "I won't even ask if you're staying for dinner." It was the afternoon, right after lunch, but we both knew that Axel always stayed over for dinner. His parents used to call worried sick, but now they're used to it. They did order him to eat at their place at least four days a week, though. But I think he liked hanging around here more. He's an only child and that can get pretty lonely…

Axel was grinning at Leon like a Cheshire cat. "Aw Leon, you get me." He extended his right hand, palm up. "Now let's talk about getting me a house key. I'd like one in black—no red—no wait! I've got it!" He was talking with his hands, motioning them like he was stopping traffic. "Put flames on it!"

Leon rolled his eyes, ducking his head to hide his small grin. Axel brought out the best in anyone; he could make anyone smile by being himself in a sort of sarcastic, teasing way… it was a trait I wish I had.

Before I had the opportunity to ask Leon about Sora, he said, "I talked to your mother today…"

My insides felt like they were being twisted by invisible hands. "…How is she?" _How's Sora…?_

Leon was giving me a guarded stare. "She's trying as hard as she can, Roxas. I need you to understand. She wanted me to let you know that…"

I slowly nodded. "Yeah… I get it." As Leon turned to leave, I asked, "She won't leave him… will she?" I just got this eerie feeling that my mom might choose Cloud over her own children… He was her world, after all. I just hoped my feeling was wrong.

"Tifa's a strong woman," was all he said before he gently ruffled my hair. It was commonplace for us; something I'd grown to appreciate and I offered him a small smile as he left.

"Your mom's cool," Axel stated, bringing me out of my thoughts. "She wouldn't do something like that." His expression was critical now, almost like he was in pain. "Have you gotten the chance to speak to him?" He was referring to Sora.

It was my turn to look upset. "No, and…" I lifted my hands, only to drop them in defeat. "Axel, I had another dream about him." I shook my head, wishing the nightmare would vanish. "The _same_ one—it always seems so real… I don't know how to make it stop." Groaning, I rubbed the sides of my temples, bringing my knees to my chest. "It's like I'm afraid to go to sleep now…"

"That explains why Leon wanted me to check on you…" He blew out a huff of air, glancing up at the ceiling in deep thought. "I think it just means that you miss your brother," he replied seriously. "Like waiting to see him isn't good enough, and a whole metaphor of symbolic shit that I don't want you thinking about too much right now."

I frowned when I heard this, but not at the statement, more so the meaning behind it. Realization was a strange feeling, and I blinked. "I'm… I'm worrying you."

"Don't give me that guilt trip," he warned, smirking. "We're friends. I'm gonna worry…" He flicked my forehead. "Besides, you've got some serious issues that might make you cry and I can't handle tears. It's not my thing; ask Xion. I never know what to do when she cries, and these days she cries all the time."

"…Can I ask you something serious?"

"I'm pretty sure everything out of your mouth has been serious since the day I met you—even your sarcasm—but sure. Go for it."

"What happens at the end of three-hundred and fifty-eight days?" I asked him. The number had been in my dream, but I also remembered Xion saying that's how long I had under her command because of what happened to her eyes. "Does that mean that Xion's giving up on me or something?" Did it mean I didn't have to follow her orders anymore?

Axel chuckled, but it sounded sad. "You caught on…" He sighed, scratching his chin. "It means a change is going to happen, something I'm not ready for… something no one is…"

"Axel, that doesn't make any—"

"Hey," a quiet voice spoke up from the doorway.

Axel whistled. "Ooh, the trio has arrived." He gestured for Hayner, Pence and Olette to enter. "Well, come on in. Let's finish this quickly."

I probably looked about as confused as I felt. "What's going—?"

"Xion explained everything after I…" Hayner said. The three of them were standing self-consciously near the entrance, unsure of if they were welcome. "We just really wanted to check on you…"

Olette had each of her fingertips pressed together. "We're sorry for not believing you before, Roxas."

Pence nodded. "I didn't think things would get this bad…"

I frowned at the comment. _You and me both, Pence…_ "Why'd you wait this long?" I asked curiously. Axel burst into laughter and Hayner gave him an aggravated glare.

When Axel noticed, he said, "Hey, don't look at me, Blondie. It's your fault."

Again, I felt out of the loop. "What's his fault?"

"Leon almost attacked him the first time he tried to visit," Axel stated.

"…Seriously?"

Axel scoffed when he heard Hayner groan. "You were asleep, though." He poked my forehead. "You missed _all_ the juicy threats Leon was giving him downstairs that day."

I couldn't stop myself from grinning like an idiot. Good ole Leon… He really did seem to have my best interest at heart.

After a while, my expression became serious and I glanced at Hayner. "You… you _pushed_ me down the stairs." Everything Dr. Ansem said was true; I could've broken something and God forbid I was permanently damaged like…

 _Xion…_

My statement to Hayner wasn't an accusation, more like a declaration, and he looked so mortified that it made me feel sorry for him.

"I know," was the remorseful reply. "And I'm sorry. I…" He combed his hand through his head. "Roxas, I can't take that moment back."

"Nope," I said. "You can't." Neither could I that night at the Fair's house… Because of that, I understood where he was coming from.

I sighed, shaking my head. "I just want things to go back to being the way they used to be. I can't blame you entirely for what you did, especially since the source you were influenced by was the same person that…" Xion gave me a headache just thinking about her. "It's going to take us all a while to get comfortable with each other again, but can we start over?"

Hayner looked uncertain of himself, or maybe of the situation. I guess he heard the feeling radiating from my voice, too. I wasn't sure if we could bounce back, almost like I wasn't sure about Xion and I trying to become true friends again. "I… okay," he finally said.

Olette smiled at me when I glanced her way. "I'd like that," she said softly.

Beside her, Pence nodded. "Me, too."

"Guys?" It felt lame apologizing, but it still had to be said. "…I'm sorry for ditching you. I was stupid..."

"Very." Hayner gave me a dismissive wave. "But I understand why you did it, though…"

"Either way, I'm sorry…" I murmured.

There wasn't much else to talk about because playing catch up seemed kind of uncomfortable at the moment. I didn't know what to say. It felt kind of scary to look them each in the eyes and realize that we didn't have anything in common anymore—that I didn't really _know_ them.

 _I don't even know who_ I _am…_

I felt lonely.

"So," Olette finally spoke up. "I… I guess we'll see you at school tomorrow—or whenever you decide to come back?"

"Yeah…" Slowly, I nodded. "Yeah. See you then..."

Hayner had almost stepped forward to say goodbye, probably remembering our favorite hand gesture, but he quickly took a step back, retreating for the exit. "See you." Olette and Pence exited too, waving as they left. Their aura didn't leave until about a minute later, and Axel finally released some tension by huffing and scratching his head.

 _Well… that was… cringe worthy._

It took Axel a moment before he blurted out, "That was fucking awkward." I noticed that in times like this, he'd swear. It always broke a lot of pressure, and we'd fall back into our sarcastic style of conversation.

"Really awkward," I agreed.

"Like someone died awkward," he mused.

"Shoot yourself in the face awkward," I added, nodding.

He made a noise of agreement, pretending to accomplish the action. Once I pretended to shoot him in the chest, he clutched his heart and plopped down on the bed. His green eyes peered towards the window, and his brow quickly arched. "Oh wow," he commented. As he stood and went to my window, he peered through the blinds.

"What's wrong?"

He whistled. "Get ready for awkwardness round two, because Xion and Aerith just pulled up."

"What?!" I tried to scurry out bed, only to fall and land on my side.

Axel chuckled while I sat up on the floor and frowned at him. "I hate to tell you the obvious here, but Xion can't see what you look like—as cruel and insensitive as that sounds." He really was a say it like you mean it kind of guy. Sometimes that didn't translate well if you didn't know him, but I could tell he didn't mean anything by the comment. Besides, Xion was his best friend.

I face palmed. "I'm an idiot."

"Yep," he agreed. I lowered my hand to see that he was giving me a serious stare. "Please tell me you're not crushing on the girl that sees you as the reason for why she went blind." I liked his choice of words. They made me feel like less of an evildoer.

Pausing, I blinked, and he crossed his arms, waiting for a reply. "…You're not crushing on the girl that sees you as the reason for why she went blind."

Axel groaned out a quick, "Smartass." He closed his eyes, rubbing his temples. "Roxas, this isn't good."

"I'm not crushing on her," I retorted. I could hear Aerith downstairs greeting Leon at this point, and I was getting anxious to see Xion.

Axel opened his eyes, giving me a disbelieving look. "I already know no good can come of this." He was murmuring to himself, like he was preparing for a storm.

"Axel—"

"You're going to get your heart broken by default because of her eyes, Roxas," he stated. He looked thoughtful, saddened even.

I huffed. "Axel, I… I'm not into her like _that_." How could I be? She hated me.

"Wow…" Axel whistled, placing his right knuckles on his hip. "You wanna know what's worse? I don't even think _you_ realize you're crushing on her."

"I'm _not_ crushing on Xion, alright?!" I asked loudly, clearly frustrated. "So just drop it!"

The smirk he was giving me was a calculating one. "…Okay." He glanced towards the entrance of my room. "Oh hey, Mrs. G.! How goes life?!"

 _Crap!_ I whirled around, standing to my feet. _How long has she been standing there?!_

Aerith cleared her throat from the doorway, giving me a look of discomfort. "It's been a bit of a struggle honestly," she greeted. Her eyes remained focused on mine. "Roxas, Xion wants you downstairs."

"Another task?" I asked, hurrying by. _Don't ask me why I was running. I'm not even sure myself._

"Something like that," she stated, following after me at a slower pace.

Downstairs, I could hear Leon and Marlene arguing about whether or not unicorns and dragons were real. I'd just made it down the last step when I saw Marlene pouting up at my favorite person with her arms crossed. He was mimicking her expression, but his seemed more amused than anything else. I think it was impossible for him to get really upset with anyone except my dad— _Cloud_. I meant to say Cloud... Even though Leon's natural face was slightly annoyed looking all the time, I figured he probably just suffered from resting bitch face.

It's pretty common.

Xion was sitting on the couch in the living room, frowning. She looked glum, but I wasn't surprised, considering… That's the only part of her face that I could really see. She had on her jacket today and the hood was covering her head. Her boots reached her knees and she was tapping her right foot impatiently while she clutched her foldable walking cane in her hands.

Axel told me that sometimes, he'd literally watch Xion burst into tears and ask him why she'd been permanently hurt instead of me…

I told him to tell her what my mom always told me: Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and there's nothing you can do about it except find a way to turn it into a positive.

Ironically enough, _I_ found a positive in Xion's blindness. It took Xion losing her sight for me to see how much I valued her as friend—and how much I valued seeing those blue eyes every day.

I think it was because they were a Mako blue, just like her dad's were…

I had to stop myself from tearing up at the thought of him. He was such a good man.

Xion's eyes were the last physical thing that belonged to him, besides my dad's sword….

"Dragons I can go for," Leon told the three-year, causing me to glance over at them. "But unicorns not so much." The large flat screen behind them was blasting Elsa's theme song in the movie _Frozen_ , and I was afraid my ears might start to bleed. Don't get me wrong, I liked it the first time I'd heard it, but now… Look, Marlene played this movie every time she wanted to watch TV, and because of the repetitiveness, I hoped that _I_ wasn't as routine as her when I was three. I couldn't imagine my mom and Cloud having to put up with that.

Marlene shook her head, making her bangs swing with the action. "But dey'a pwettie." _Three-year-old rationality wins every time…_ Sometimes I imagined myself probing her brain for a day, seeing how the world worked from her perspective.

Marlene was a cutie whenever she talked.

Leon chuckled, nodding. "Okay, you win. They're real because they're pretty."

She beamed at him, whispering, "Yes!" to herself as she patted his legs, urging him to stop blocking her line of vision. She then grabbed the remote, and although she couldn't read, she'd memorized which button made the Blu-Ray rewind scenes. When Elsa began to sing again, Axel, Xion and I groaned, causing both adults to laugh.

It was adorable to see Leon observe the way Marlene sat too close to the screen—and I found myself smiling when he quietly scooped her up by her tiny torso and scooted her back a few feet. It reminded me of my siblings, and how I'd always have to do that with the twins when they did the same thing.

"Is Roxas here yet?" Xion asked. I hadn't seen her since the hospital incident. Axel told me she'd been getting help from her tutor for her… situation. I didn't want to ask about it in detail just yet. _It's her business._

I took some steps towards her, saying, "Yeah. I'm here…" As I sat down beside her on the couch, I made sure to sit on farthest end away from her as possible. She liked her space when it came to me; I accepted that. "What do you need?"

"Vanitas is missing," she stated. "I need you to find him."

Axel and I chuckled, remembering the jokes he made earlier. "You want me to find a dog that constantly bites me whenever I come over to your house?" _Not gonna happen._

She turned her head towards me, lifting her index finger. Her head remind down, though, as she said, "Need I remind you—" She pointed at her own face. "About this?"

 _Oh, here we go again…_

I flinched, the memory of it causing me to quickly cover my ears in a sudden panic. It pissed me off to be reminded so much, like there was no escape, but it also made me a bit paranoid… See, the _sound_ of it happening—the slicing sound in particular—gave me chills. It just wouldn't go away.

It was so gross to think about!

 _God I hate that sound… it's making me feel all itchy._

"You're scratching," Axel stated. His brow was arched. "You okay there?"

I stood, nodding. "Let's go find the mutt."

"He's a rare breed," Xion clarified, her frowning worsening. "Not a _mutt_."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever you say, Xion."

Axel followed after me when I headed towards the door. "I'll help."

"Wait…" Xion didn't seem to like what she was hearing, so she stood, nearly tripping over the coffee table in the process. Leon had caught her before she fell, and she huffed when she aimed her finger straight ahead. I think it was meant to be directed at Axel and me, but she missed. "I'd like to come, too." I sensed some jealousy, but I wasn't dumb enough to call her out on it, or her poorly aimed finger pointing.

* * *

Being outside felt weird, especially since the further down the street the three of us walked, the more the neighbors had something to say about me.

"Why is she walking with _him_?" I heard someone speak. They sounded loud, like they wanted us to hear. "He's the reason she's blind!"

"Foolish if you ask me," someone said.

It was Axel who turned to them. "Well, no one asked you, so shove it." He took Xion's arm, leading her away as the women gasped, while I trailed behind. It sucked being the town's number one source of gossip, and I'm not just talking about Xion's eyes. They were talking about my family, too. That hurt even worse.

"I heard that boy's father is Cloud Strife," another person said.

My walk began to slow, and my hands curled into fists. _So what?_

"Weren't they best friends?!" another neighbor asked in horror. "Goodness, I'd be so ashamed if one of my children did something like that. Clearly that boy's got no respect."

"And poor Tifa! I heard Roxas put such a strain on her and Cloud's relationship because of that."

"Well, _I_ heard they don't sleep in the same bed anymore—that Cloud refuses to even touch her."

"You'll never believe what I heard."

"What?"

"Cloud dragged Sora out of the hospital and—oh see! Roxas still has the marks on his arms to prove it! What a messed up family…"

"Roxas used to be such a sweetheart."

"What a shame. He's nothing but trouble now."

Someone made a 'tsk' noise. "It just goes to show that there's one in every family. Too bad it had to be Roxas."

"I don't understand why they're forcing Xion to be around him, though. That seems unfair on her end. Poor dear."

"I'd never want to be around the boy who did that me," someone said. "The idea is just disgusting!"

"I know! What was Aerith thinking?! How could she let her daughter roam around with such a troublesome boy?"

Closing my eyes, I sighed. I didn't really feel up to searching for a dog anymore, or even stepping foot back outside again, not when everyone knew my business. I felt like I was famous for being infamous—like the entire town was judging me before they even knew me.

It didn't feel fair…

"Fair…?" I asked myself in a murmur. When I opened my eyes, I saw that Axel and Xion had already walked a good bit ahead and I decided to travel the opposite direction.

Without thinking, I ran.

I didn't know where I was going, or what I was looking for, but I ran for what felt like hours. By the time I stopped, all I saw was forest.

The thunder began to roar and I peered up. It reminded me of a time when…

* * *

 _The hospital room was quiet as my dad and I entered. I was barely the age that twins were now, but I was just tall enough to peer over my mother's arms from where she lay to get a good glimpse of the two beings she was holding. "Roxas," my mom told me. "This is Ventus." She moved her left arm slightly, letting me know which one she meant._

 _I'll be perfectly honest here and say that to me, at the time—since I had no knowledge of where babies came from and where they were pushed from during delivery—I thought they were from outer space. Seriously, their heads made them look like little aliens—at the time. By day three, they were good to go._

 _I got excited. "Ventus? Like after Grandpa Ventus?!" I missed him… At least he died in his sleep._

 _She nodded, and I could tell her labor had been a hard one. She looked exhausted, and all the more appreciative when my dad took Ventus from her. "And this little guy," she said, cradling the tiny baby in her arms. Her brows furrowed. "I'm not quite sure what we should call him yet."_

 _I didn't know if she was talking to me, or my dad. Her eyes seemed entranced on the unnamed twin._

 _She had this big book of baby names sitting on the nearby counter that she'd been looking at for seven months straight, and when my dad noticed it, he gently placed Ventus back in my mom's arm. As he guided me to the large brown chair beside the bed, we seated ourselves—with me in his lap—trying to pick something out._

 _I didn't know that we had all drifted to sleep until I heard the sound of thunder. It was roaring, screaming at everyone to let us know it should be feared and awed._

 _Scooting out of my dad's lap, I hopped onto the floor and crept over to the window, gazing up at the amazing shades of grey. The flashes of blue and yellow were enough to make me jump, and I backed into a strong pair of legs. They weren't my dads…_

 _I hadn't noticed he'd entered the room, but I was thankful that he picked me up and we watched the weather together. It was something we always did. Over his shoulder, I saw that Xion was now occupying my favorite spot on my dad's lap, sleeping soundly with him while Aerith was taking one of the twins from my mom's arm._

 _That was when the idea hit me. "We can name him after something like that," I suggested, pointing out the window. "Like dad, so that it matches?"_

 _He was giving me an appreciative grin. "Something similar to Cloud…?" I could feel his energy radiating off the walls, my sleepiness forgotten. "How about Raine?"_

 _I giggled, shaking my head. "No-no! That sounds like a girl's name!"_

 _"I guess Sky is out of the option then," he said, sounding amused._

 _I frowned, crossing my arms while we met gazes. "I guess so…"_

 _"But that's a unisex name," he countered._

 _"Unisex?"_

 _"That means for a girl and boy," he explained. "In Japanese, Sky sounds much better."_

 _I tilted my head, wrapping my arms around his neck when the thunder began to frighten me, and I quickly shut my eyes._

 _"I've got you, Roxas." That was all the reassurance I needed to open my eyes, seeing his confident smile._

 _"What's it called in Japanese?" I finally asked. He had tried time and time again to practice Japanese with me, but the words never really stuck. I didn't really enjoy talking in other languages, which was a shame because now I appreciated how different it could make a person seem._

 _"I'll give you a hint, little man," he said, kissing my temple. I startled when the thunder roared again, feeling him rub my back soothingly with his free hand. "It starts with an 'S'."_

 _I touched my chin in deep thought, thinking of the name._

 _It was a perfect name, sentimental to me then, and especially now, because he and I picked it out together…_

Sora…

* * *

I smiled up at the sky, stuffing my hands in my pockets. "Starts with an 'S'... Right, Zack?" It felt as if the thunder had echoed in reply.

Eventually, my feet carried me to the cemetery and I saw my grandfather's grave not far from there. However, despite wanting to go near it to pay my respects (like always whenever I came here), I decided to pace towards a grave that I hadn't been to in a while—the grave that I was most afraid to visit.

"Hey there," I whispered, waving at the marble stone. "Been a while…" I knelt in front of the grave, scratching a speck of dirt off the side. "I know I'm probably the last person you wanted here, but I think it's time we had a chat…" The rain began to fall, but it was light sprinkles—calming me somehow, reminding me of him—and I sat down in front of the slab.

Really, I… I just talked.

I spoke until I had nothing left to say.

I told Mr. Fair about what happened—about how Xion was—about how _I_ was… I just wanted him to know that I messed up… but also that I was sorry, for everything.

"He knows that," Xion said softly behind me. _Had she been standing there the whole time?_

She actually giggled, even if it was quiet. "Just enough to hear about how sorry you are, Roxas…"

I slowly turned to see her and Axel standing a few feet away, and noticed that the rain had stopped. Axel was holding the mutt—I mean, Vanitas in his hands, while Xion was holding his upper left arm for support. She was using her right to hold her walking stick, with was folded in her hands. I wanted to ask why she didn't have it unfolded, but again, I decided against it. "I see you found the demon."

Xion nodded. "No thanks to you."

"None needed."

Axel looked unsure of my emotional state, and as he gave me a look, he mouthed, 'You okay?'

I nodded, giving him a smile. 'I'm fine, Ax.'

'Don't lie to me.'

'Promise.'

He sighed, eventually giving me a long stare before he said, "Okay."

"Okay what?" Xion asked.

"Nothing," we both lied.

I noticed that Xion had reached forward. It was a clumsy movement, and I was already on my feet to catch her hand when she began reaching ahead. I guided us back down on the wet grass and watched as she sat on her knees. Axel did the same, but he didn't come sit beside us. I think he was trying to give us some space and let us talk. Either that or he was plotting how to go about killing the mutt in his hands, which was biting his hand.

"I haven't been here in so long," she stated, and I had forgotten how quiet her tone was. It was timid, but not in the sense that she felt overwhelmed by anything—more like soft, with a bit of a calming vibe. "I forgot the color mom picked out for him…" She reached forward, hesitant in her movements. It took her a while to actually find the tombstone, considering… but I didn't want to place her hand there myself. It would ruin her moment. Besides, I kind of felt like she needed to do it herself, like she'd feel slightly better if she did…

I'd been right, because I saw a little bit of resolve in her expression after that. It's funny; even though I never got to see her eyes anymore, I could still tell what she was thinking—and how she was feeling—by staring at her lips…

 _Does that make me weird?_

"What color is it, Roxas?" It sounded almost as if she were begging me.

"It's a dark grey," I told her, my voice awkward and low. "Made of marble, with jasper surrounding each scribed letter…" I wanted to be as descriptive as possible, especially so she wouldn't forget again.

"You know," she spoke up. "Sometimes, I can still remember what he smelled like—the sound of his laugh…"

"The way he'd reprimand us whenever we'd play struggle in my living room," I added.

"Yeah…" She smiled, brushing her hair behind her ear. "Remember the squats he and your dad made us do after we broke the vase?"

I chuckled. "Uh, Xion?"

"Hm?"

"That wasn't a vase."

Her lips parted. "R-really?"

"Yeah, remember? It was actually my Grandpa Ventus' urn," I explained, blushing out of embarrassment. "I think my dad was only mad because his ashes got mixed in with the dirt from the vacuum cleaner."

She burst into a fit of laughter, and I appreciated the sound. "Oh, that's right! He lectured us about that for an hour!"

"And then he made us pick out all the large pieces of dirt…" We both cringed at the thought, but there were still smiles lingering on our faces.

All too quickly, Xion became moody again, and my friend from years past had gone. "Why are you here, Roxas?"

"My feet carried me here," I answered. I felt the tension in the area, and Vanitas began barking at me when he sensed it, too. "I didn't mean anything by it, Xion—"

"I don't want you to come here again," she said. Her words seemed final.

At first, I wanted to ask, "Who gave you the right to tell _me_ …?"

…But then again, Xion, Aerith and Marlene, had the _only_ right to tell me that I couldn't be here. "You know… he _was_ my godfather," I reminded her, brows furrowing. "If it were the other way around, you'd want to see Cloud every now and then, too. He's _your_ godfather."

She didn't comment any further, so I said, "Okay."

"Okay what?" she asked.

"I won't…" It hurt to know that I wasn't allowed to be here and I touched the right side of my temples, feeling a migraine forming. "I won't come here anymore."

"Good," was her quiet reply.

I frowned at her, and before I could say something vicious in reply, Axel waved, getting my attention. He mouthed, 'You won't win.'

He was right.

Instead of replying with malice, I asked, "What did Cloud say to you at the hospital?" She had come back in tears after their talk, right before he dragged Sora away.

Her lips began to quiver and there was a strain in her voice. "Y-you…" Her face hardened, but she kept her head turned towards the tombstone, her fingers sliding over the arch to smear the droplets that had collected. Just when I thought she'd tell me what he told her, she asked, "You call your dad 'Cloud' now?"

Annoyed, I said, "That's not what I asked you."

"You're right," she stated. "But that is what I asked _you_."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Why are you so—?"

"If you have to ask, then you're clueless, Roxas," she bit out.

Our referee, Axel was on his feet in an instant, coming over to gently pull Xion up with his left hand while he balanced Vanitas in his right. "Come on." As she rose, he murmured, "And you two were doing so well…" He glanced down at me, waiting for me to stand. With a discomfiting sigh, I rose and got to my feet.

"Xion—"

"I don't want to hear it," she commanded, and I shut my mouth.

The neighborhood was right. She shouldn't have to be around me all the time… She shouldn't even have to talk to me, but she did.

"Okay," I whispered, walking away.

* * *

By the time we arrived back at my—I mean, Leon's house. Marlene was yet again belting out lyrics to the same musical she'd been watching before. Axel led Xion away towards the living room and I waited at the door, leaning against it.

Xion pissed me off.

Every time she commanded me to do something I just wanted to smack her or tell her where I could shove my foot… but then, I kept trying to put myself in her shoes. I kept trying to see it from her eyes—ironically enough…

And _then_ I'd understand that I couldn't see _anything_ from her perspective. All I'd gotten the opportunity to see now was darkness—total, black abyss from her side.

I slowly slid down to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest so that I could hug my legs. It was tough deciding what was worse, being Xion or being myself. These days I wish _I'd_ been the blind one, so I didn't have to see those judging looks everyone was giving me.

Or maybe deaf so I didn't have to hear the gossip.

The doorbell rang, but I refused to answer it, burying my face in my knees.

When it rang again, I groaned and rose, swinging it open to shout at the idiot who dared to bother me while I was sulking…

 _"Hayner?"_

"Can we talk?" he asked. " _Really_ talk this time?"

I shut the door behind me as I stepped outside, and we stood on the porch. "Are… Are you alright?"

"No," he said quickly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't feel right about anything, especially the way I handled things in your room earlier." He was talking with his hands, something he did when he was nervous. Classic Hayner. "I want things to be the way they used to be, too—I really do, Roxas."

He looked tortured just by looking at me. "And if I'd have known that Xion was lying I wouldn't have—"

"If I were you in that situation, I would've done the same thing," I admitted. "So let's just not speak of it again, 'Kay? I really just want to forget about that day." And suddenly, I understood Xion's perspective—why she wanted to talk to me as if nothing happened sometimes, but then snap out of it and say something harsh the next.

She _couldn't_ forget it.

Seifer and I had rendered her unable to.

As I heard Marlene singing again, I whispered, "God, she'll never let it go." I didn't know which of the Fair sisters I had directed that statement.

Hayner touched my left shoulder, and I peered over to see him giving me a small grin. "My little sis has been belting out that song for weeks," he stated, causing us both to chuckle lightly.

When our laughter subsided, he asked, "…Roxas?"

"Yeah?"

"You up for skateboarding to the usual spot?" I didn't know where Olette and Pence were, but I was glad that Hayner and I were getting some much-needed one on one time. Even though the air around us was a little awkward, we were still trying to revert things to be the way they once were. Even though we knew we couldn't go back to being exactly the way they'd been, we were going to try to get our friendship back to being close to perfect.

And because of this, I couldn't stop myself from grinning as we casually walked down the porch steps, mischief in our eyes. "All my things are still at Cloud's house, except my clothes." I'd been _lucky_ enough to have them delivered via Moody Daddy Express.

Hayner gave me a shrug. "I've got three boards at my house, one green, one red and one blue. You can borrow any one of them… except the red one."

As I stuffed my hands in my pockets, I asked, "Why not the red one?"

He rolled his eyes, suddenly looking elsewhere while he scratched the back of his head. "You gave me that one, remember?"

 _I did…?_

 _…Oh yeah! I did!_

It had been a birthday present.

 _He kept it…?_ _After all this time…?_ "Okay, then we can race down the hill later!" We used to race past shops all the time, especially during the summer.

He laughed at my childish outburst, but I was just happy to do something familiar—other than sulking the day away.

"Roxas!" Leon called from the porch. "Where are you to going?!"

I turned around so fast that I thought I'd get whiplash. " _Leon!_ " I groaned, feeling like he was an embarrassing parent. "I'm just heading to Hayner's house, geez!" _Don't embarrass me! Don't embarrass me! For the love of all things holy, don't—!_

"Make _sure_ you call me when you get there!" he shouted, crossing his arms. There was a smug grin on his face, one that informed me that maybe he liked the 'mortify your kid parenting style' a little too much.

With wide eyes, I waved at him yelling, "I _got_ it, Leon!" I was quick to pick up my pace, urging Hayner to do the same.

"And don't forget to—!"

I whirled around, shouting, "I said I got it, dad!" Almost in the same breath, I slapped my hand over my mouth. "I mean…!" I winced, swearing under my breath. "I got it, Leon!" I felt so confused right now. My brain had said Leon the second time I called out, but my mouth said dad.

I think this was either just me missing Cloud or trying my best to replace him.

All assumptions aside, the word freaked me out at this point.

Face palming—and not wanting to look Leon in the eye—I turned around, trudging past Hayner, who was trying his best to contain his chuckle. "Never speak of this," I warned.

"…It's okay, you know?" he asked as we walked. This time, I tried my best to ignore the neighbor's pointless gossip, and I was thankful that even though Hayner heard what was being said, he overlooked it, too. "I call my godfather dad, and my real one doesn't mind."

"But Leon's not my…" Zack had been my godfather, and I _never_ called him dad. The idea never occurred to me. I just felt like he was one of those cool uncles who popped into town every now and then, but with frequent, daily visits…

"I'm confused," I murmured.

"Why not try talking to your real dad about it?"

"It's not that simple, Hayner. A lot more's happened since the you punched me in the face." I paused at my own words, shaking my head. That didn't sound normal. Nothing about my life sounded normal anymore.

"Tell me everything."

I scoffed. "Where to start?"

"At the bad beginning, I guess," he answered. "I want to know every detail."

And as we paced, I told him all that I knew of the situation, every bit of angst that I'd brought upon myself. By the time I finished explaining, I knew that there was only one person I wanted to see now—one kid in need of seeing me, too…

Of my three little brothers, it would be _him_ that Cloud had snatched away from me like that…

 _It just had to be you…_

"Sora…" I knew that I'd give anything to see him—anything—and that Axel had been right.

Waiting wasn't good enough anymore.

...

 **A/N:** I'm really happy about all the views this has gotten and the favs and alerts! Thanks so much guys! Also, expect this fic to be a monthly update, unless I get another opportunity to write a new chapter. If you'd like, you're welcome to leave a review, or hit the fav or alert button! All types make my day!

Also, I'm really interested in reading a good angst fic in the KH section if anyone has any recommendations. I don't care about the pairing, genders, or if there isn't a pairing at all. I'd just like to read a good, lengthy one without having to search for one. You can even recommend your own if you want! It just takes time for me to sort through the summaries on this site and find one that piques my interest. I find myself severely lacking in time this year—almost as if I'm chasing it to be quite honest. Don't know where the hell this year's gone.

-AJ


	8. One Man's Trash

**WARNING:** **If you're sensitive all that "trigger" business (which I don't know why you'd stick around after reading the first chapter anyway) then just click the exit button. It's not hard to miss. It's the only red button in the corner of your browser. Best regards.**

 **…**

 **Chapter 8: One Man's Trash…**

"Are you okay?"

Leon asked me that way too often, but it was always during those times when my mind treaded to dark places. It felt like he already knew what I was thinking whenever I felt like this, and I figured that maybe he only asked just to get me to talk instead of assuming I was suffering alone. He rarely allowed me to have a dark moment to myself unless I was sleeping because he couldn't save me from the nightmares…

I think we both dreaded falling asleep because of that.

Most of the time, I woke up screaming, and whenever I did, he'd always come running…

In my mind, I'd call Leon 'dad'… but out loud, I'd just say Leon. We hadn't discussed my slip-up of verbally voicing it from the first time Hayner apologized to me that day, and I'm glad he didn't talk about it. He simply said, "If you want to talk—about anything at all—I'm here."

Just knowing that was enough…

But something in the back of my mind kept telling me that good times I was having with Leon wouldn't last long—not because of something he'd do, but because of something someone else might do to keep us apart—and no matter how bad I wanted to stay in this time with him, my internal clock knew that we'd never be in this time again—not in this hour, this minute, this second. We'd never see it again. We'd never be in the presence of this peaceful emotion again, because it'll forever be stuck in this time, even though we might feel something similar in the future, it wouldn't be the exact same one…

It'd be a memory, and if things got too bad, it'd be a memory so far gone that maybe it'd seem like a dream that I wish could've existed, and—

Sorry.

I'm not in the greatest of moods. First day back to school and all that hectic stuff… I'm basically suffering from pessimistic jitters. Sue me.

"I'm fine," I finally answered, lying through my teeth. I didn't want to worry Leon today, or any other day for that matter. It literally ached whenever I knew he was stressing over me, which was most of the time. He knew me so well that it felt as if we'd met before, like a past life…

But I don't believe in all that rebirth stuff. Actually, I don't know what I believe in anymore, to be honest. God seems to be laughing _at_ me instead of _with_ me these days, so I couldn't be too sure…

Who knows? Maybe all of this was a dream, and if I tried _really_ hard, I'd wake up and everything would go back to normal. I'd see them waiting for me—Ven, and Denzel, and…

Sora…

I curled up on the couch, pulling my knees to my chest as I hugged myself. Something didn't feel right about today, or maybe it was because I was finally headed back to school… Hayner promised he'd walk me in, and so did Axel, but I was still nervous. Talking to Olette and Pence felt different now, and of all the people I thought I'd easily be able to talk to after I apologized, they were top on my list, because they hadn't reacted like Hayner had when he found out about Xion. They hadn't directly done anything to physically hurt me, so I thought those two friendships would recover quicker, but the opposite ended up happening…

We barely spoke to each other now.

I felt like we'd never be the same, like that was the only part of my life that was frozen.

It sucked.

You know what else sucked? Not getting hugs. There; I said it...

Was it bad for a teenage boy to want a hug every now and then, or did that make me seem too weak and feminine? Just because I'm male doesn't mean I didn't have emotions; I'm only human. I craved those things now, and just between us, I've seriously missed hugging my mom…

Damn, the things we take for granted, huh?

I grimaced at all the times I'd rejected her welcoming embraces and kisses in the past, wishing I hadn't. Now, I couldn't even remember what her hugs had felt like. Every memory I had with her in it seemed scattered, like far off memories that I couldn't piece together.

"…Leon?"

"Yes?" Leon was sitting beside me, watching the news before we had to get ready to start our day. He was wearing black sweatpants and a gray t-shirt, and I was dressed in something similar. We'd unknowingly picked out the same outfits before we went to bed; we did that a lot.

I secretly felt proud that we thought alike.

The reporter on screen caught my attention—way too perky. She reminded me a sugar-high baby… but her report wasn't something to be taken lightly, murder never was.

Funny. The news crew rarely reported anything delightful, like they were programmed to reveal all the bad people in the world instead of the good. Weren't there any people with good hearts to report about? I'm sure not everyone worthy of screen time was heartless, but they often got treated like nobodies because of all the infamous idiots who got the attention.

"Do you ever feel like it's not enough?"

Leon seemed genuinely surprised by my question. I could see it in his eyes as I peered up at him, but he was quick to compose himself and shrug. "Yes, but probably not in the way that you do." Leon reminded me a jigsaw puzzle—something that was hard to figure out, but not _quite_ unsolvable… In my head, I imagined myself trying, and failing, at finishing one with his heart on it, and removing a misplaced piece every time he said something like that—every time something didn't fit. His demeanor, it kept giving me the impression that once he let you in, he'd keep you there—only if you were willing to wait through the trouble of finding all the pieces.

However…

With _Cloud_ , I felt like I was holding a Rubik's Cube—a cube made of every secret he held—but I couldn't line his pieces up on every side.

Then I'd think of myself as some of the pieces on his cube—the black area—and how I wanted to line them up first…

"I don't understand," I admitted quietly. My eyes drifted back to the TV screen, vaguely of course. I was so far gone in my peculiar thoughts that I should've been under some type of... _influence_.

Leon leaned back against the couch, placing an arm on the rest that happened to be behind my head, and he didn't mind that I leaned into him. "I think you see yourself as not good enough," he stated. "While I see what I _do_ as not good enough."

 _Really…?_

"But what you do _is_ enough, Leon…" _I value everything you do._ I think I treasured having him in my life most. It was scary to think about, but cool at the same time.

He made a 'hn' sound, like he wasn't necessarily protesting, but he wasn't giving an indication of agreeing with me either. "And being you is enough," he stated. His statement was quiet, yet firm, and I knew he'd meant it.

I carefully began watching him watch me. It was similar to the way I used to gaze at Sora and Ven whenever they'd just want to sit next to me and hear me talk about my day… contentment.

My eyes began to water, and I knew it'd be difficult to go through another day without seeing my siblings. Cloud had isolated me from seeing them, and it just wasn't fair. The fact that my mom wasn't making an effort to even let me see, or call, her was even more screwed up…

How could I focus on school when all I kept thinking about was them?

"…Can I stay home again?" I asked. My voice was barely above a whisper.

Leon was reluctant to shake his head. "It wouldn't benefit you to keep hiding out." I immediately wanted to say, "Yes-huh!" But I thought better of it. Sora would've said it, though. I think that's why my brain wanted to scream it, just to think about Sora…

"But no one at school would miss me," I argued, fighting the urge to pout.

"That's not true. Axel and Hayner would," he reminded me. "They basically agreed to be your bodyguards for today."

A faint smile crept on my lips, but all too quickly, it faded. "I just don't like the stares... They're not easy to ignore…" I tilted my head, eyes inquisitive. "Have you ever felt like this—like the moment you walked into a building all eyes were going to be on you and judge you like they're perfect saints?"

He looked like he was suppressing a smile, and I couldn't help but wish he hadn't. Leon seemed undeniably happy at whatever it was that he was thinking about, and sometimes I wish he'd smile more. That particular grin from him, I'd never seen it before…

That is, until later, _much_ later, after I learned that the memory wasn't happy because of _what_ he'd been thinking about, more like _who_ he'd been thinking about…

"You're delaying the inevitable, Roxas."

I groaned, burying my face into my hands. "I'm scared."

"And I'm scared for you," he assured me. I fought the urge to scoff. "But you've got to go back."

I peeked up at him through my fingers. "Can't we just say I did and hide out here instead, Leon?" I'd asked it in a whisper, as if I'd get caught for even suggesting ditching.

Leon chuckled lightly, of course. "No." As he stood, he gently combed his hand through my hair, and the action reassured me that he wasn't about to let anything happen to me. Weird right? One gesture did so much. "Get dressed. You can't go to school in pajamas."

I scoffed, pretending to be offended as my eyes darted down at my attire. "College students do it all the time," I said, watching him head to the kitchen.

"Only the ones who forget to shower in the morning because they wake up with a hangover," he retorted.

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head and gazed at the television. A reporter was going on about how someone got murdered; even going so far as standing inches away from the crime scene with a thrill in her eyes. Dried blood was everywhere, and the casual way she went about describing in detail what happened to the poor guy made me sick.

Grimacing, and disregarding what I'd been ordered to do by Leon, I picked up the remote and flipped it to the Disney Channel. "You haven't failed me yet," I droned. It was literally the only channel on television that didn't show a scary movie advertisement, next to the Disney Junior Channel—it's successor. I would've vouched for another channel that played this yellow sponge that Ven and Sora loved so much, but two years ago, the station played a commercial that had them both on edge—and constantly waking me up to check for heartless for months. It was a pretty basic scary movie trailer, with a family, a vengeful killer, a crappy motive and whatnot, but it'd been enough to scare two six-year-olds into believing those adorable little black heartless with yellow eyes existed.

I heard they're making a third one now that the second one's been out for a while, but every time they say the release date is coming, it never does.

I think it was called _Kingdom Hearts III_ , but don't quote me on that.

Sucks to the fans who've been waiting, but hey, that's life.

"Disney?" Leon asked as he returned. "Really…?" He'd thought the channel, and the very logo, to be our sworn enemy now because of a recent movie that Marlene was fascinated with.

"Yep-yep." My eyes were uninterested at the kid making a mouse shape on screen, probably someone trying to make it as a pop star while they built a fan-base through Disney. Most tried, but very rarely was there actually a kid who had a voice. I applauded those rare, special cases with talent, and then I'd begged my ears to stop bleeding whenever the ones with the least amount of talent, and the prettiest face, had the better exposure and career. It was sad to think about…

It only proved the saying of 'You don't have to have talent to sing, just a pretty face, followers, some form of social media, and best of all, be willing to confuse growing up with wearing close to nothing.' _Welcome to the world of the rich and famous, where the celebrities look like well-off harlots and the only thing you need to worry about buying is your dignity back after you sell your soul for your fifteen minutes..._ I almost chuckled at thoughts.

Feeling nostalgic of my days with Mr. Fair, I kind of missed the days when _Winnie the Pooh_ and _Bear in the Big Blue House_ would come on Play House Disney. I remembered a show called _Out of the Box_ , too; but I couldn't remember if that had been a Disney show or not…

It's funny, I always heard people talking about—

"When Disney was good, they played shows like _Recess_ ," Leon spoke up. True. There's a reason I liked Leon, but today, right now, that comment just proved how epic he is. Honestly, I think when people say 'When Disney was good,' it just means that certain shows they watched as kid, that they actually liked, and resonated with, are by default going to be the most special—the most treasured—and nothing else after that is going to make them feel the way they felt in that time… So I guess whenever I heard anyone say, 'The old Disney was better' or 'I like this Disney better,' I can't really think the Disney _I_ grew up watching as better than something new they've got on TV, or better than the Disney that someone else grew up with. It didn't seem fair to compare when I looked at it from both sides…

But then again, after I heard the not-so-hilarious joke, and saw the overacting of the kid actor on screen, I couldn't help but cringe. _Who wrote this crap?_

My grin was appreciative when Leon placed a glass of orange juice in front of me. "I like the Old Disney better, too," I said, using my glass to point at the TV. "This new stuff is so careful… the kids don't seem to get punished as well as they should, and they don't talk about ground breaking issues like race, weight, smoking, and all the real life stuff anymore. It's like the parents who grew up watching what we did get offended if their children do the same—if everything's not… I don't really know how to describe it exactly."

"Overprotecting—child rearing." Leon nodded to himself, seeming troubled by that as he took a sip of the coffee he'd gotten from the kitchen earlier. I could tell by the way his brows knitted that his statement pissed him off.

I casually took a sip of my orange juice. " _Ren and Stimpy_ was pretty cool," I blurted out, changing the subject. It seemed to lighten whatever mood he'd been in.

He snapped his head down at me, brow raised in amusement. "That's not Disney. I would know; it was my life growing up—that, and _Tales from the Crypt_ —the adult version, not the cartoon."

Was this our unspoken way of opening up to each other…? _No,_ _I shouldn't ask. I should just go with it._ "I know; it's Nickelodeon. And _Rocko's Modern Life_ was _my_ life growing up." Probably because he had a name that started with an 'R' like me and it sounded unique… Sometimes I'd put my own name in place of his whenever I'd hear the theme song playing.

Leon looked a bit thoughtful. "What else did you like?"

I grinned, gazing down at the orange juice I was holding while I absently twirled it. " _Hey Arnold_."

"My cousin, Ellone, is older than me, but growing up she got me interested in cartoons, even after we were deemed too old to be watching them. I think her favorite of all time is _Angry Beavers_." He slowly began sipping his coffee as I found myself smiling. "She's been a cartoon fanatic most of her life."

I wanted to ask what his favorite was, but I didn't want to push him for answers. This conversation seemed very natural and unscripted, like he'd let one of his shields down, so I didn't want to force it back up by throwing him off guard. All relationships take time, and I was willing to wait.

Leon was worth it.

"Then I'm sure she'll agree that nothing on earth could replace the _Rugrats_ ," I stated. I don't know why I was feeling so warm and excited, but my nostalgia was in overdrive right now. It felt nice going back and forth like this, reliving the shows in our childhood that resonated well with us. It was pretty awesome to know that even though Leon was older than me, he still liked some of the same things I did. Props to his cousin for keeping him up to date on the good kids shows...

"She'd probably argue that _CatDog_ would," Leon added. "Something about two cartoon characters attached where they should urinate always held a special place in her heart—probably for their endurance." He was smiling. It was small, but it was there. He was enjoying the conversation, too.

"Was she an _Ah! Real Monsters!_ fan?" There was a slight pause before we both shared a light chuckle, remembering how enthusiastic the title seemed. After our laughter died down, Leon asked me about Cartoon Network.

I lifted my hand, whistling at the mere thought of my childhood experience. "Don't get me started on Cartoon Network. Toonami was _everything_!" It's how I got into watching anime.

"Because anime _is_ everything," he agreed, before taking another sip of his drink. After he carefully placed his black mug on the end table, he glanced at me, expectancy in his eyes.

"Aw, come on, Leon," I begged. _We were having fun…_ I lifted my index finger. "One more day—just _one_ more…?"

"Don't make me kidnap you just to take you to school," he warned. _Ooh, he crossed his arms. He meant it._

 _Shoot._

"Fine," I grumbled out.

He ruffled my hair again, and afterwards, he leaned over the back of the couch with his forearms. "Remember last time when I walked you in? I can do that again if you want." God, I felt frickin five… but I did kind of want him to do it…

"I'll manage." I was just nervous…

Okay, I was on the verge of… of—

"You look about ready to vomit." He checked my forehead. "You're not burning up, but you're certainly turning green." Leon was giving me this sympathetic look, but I knew he wouldn't change his mind. There was no arguing with him when he crossed his arms in the way that he had, and the tone he used whenever he did it. It wasn't scary, like Cloud's voice would've been. It was authoritative, but not the authoritarian parenting style of complete control whenever he did it. I didn't feel like a soldier or a cadet when Leon talked. I felt like he wanted to protect me, even though he was ordering me to do something.

Because of this, I couldn't help but sigh. As I got up and trudged to my room, with a lowered head and a defeated frown, Leon followed behind me and patted my back.

"No amount of money in the world could make me relive my teenage years," he stated.

I almost smiled, if I hadn't been so bitter about going back to that hellhole myself. "Ditto. Isn't asking me to go qualified as some form of child abuse?"

"I'm only doing this because I care about you," he explained.

I deadpanned. "Let me guess: This hurts _you_ way more than it hurts _me_ , right?" Parents always said ridiculous stuff like that… My mom used to say it whenever I'd get a spanking… even though Cloud was the one ushering it.

Leon's chuckling brought me out of that strange memory, and he wrapped his left arm around my shoulder as we ascended the stairs. "Exactly."

* * *

I hadn't gotten out of the car yet. This was my first day back at school in exactly three weeks—and I still couldn't believe everyone let me hide out that long but…

 _Summer school is definitely waiting for you when the semester ends._

I just really wanted to go home—I mean, back to Leon's place. I felt safe there, like behind those walls I was surrounded by something fortified, something familiar—like no enemies existed…

But they _did_ exist. They were everywhere, because villains come in multitudes and heroes are rare to find. I know so because Mr. Fair told me so when I was younger—like, every chance he got.

"Do you want me to walk in with you?" Leon asked. This was his second proposal.

As I turned to him, my lips parted, and I almost took him up on his offer. Instead, I shook my head, giving him a grateful, weary smile. "Thanks but no thanks. Besides, Hayner and Axel are already inside."

A sharp knock on my passenger window alerted us of a guest, and I grinned when I saw two, familiar faces. Axel was waving for me to get out, and Hayner mouthed the words 'Now or never.'

Leon chuckled. "He's right."

I rolled my eyes when I'd heard his statement. "You two agree on something? Must be opposite day." Leon was still iffy about Hayner, and he often made it a point to tell him that if he ever punched me again, it'd be his last day with hands.

"Must be," Leon agreed, glancing at my attire. "You're dressed in all black today. You usually like lighter shirts—and I know a certain white one is your favorite."

Shrugging, I said, "I just wanted something different today." I felt different, after all.

"Like Axel's type of different?" he asked. Axel wore black most of the time.

I frowned at him. " _You_ wear black," I countered.

"And yet I don't look like I'm going to rob a store," he reasoned. We both smirked slightly.

"That's because if you walked into a store dressed like _that_ and with that expression, the workers would just give you everything. Face it, Leon. You've got the most intimidating resting bitch face I've ever seen."

He unlocked the car door; the same rare smile from earlier nearly appearing on his face before it vanished. "Try to have a good day."

"No promises there," I retorted, waving the idea off.

As I stepped out, I shut the door behind me, and Leon rolled the window down. For some reason, I felt like the little kid in kindergarten who was reluctant to let their parents leave them in such a hellhole filled with strangers, but when I looked into Leon's eyes, I saw that behind his neutral stare, he felt the same way…

We were suffering from separation anxiety.

I couldn't believe how attached to him I was already. He was the only adult I'd ever known that hadn't abandoned me at some point in my life yet—that hadn't given me that 'I'm so ashamed of you' look yet—and because of it, I needed him around.

I wanted him around.

He was a positive in a sea of negatives, a respected relationship that I was proud to claim at any given minute.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: Leon was... _Leon_.

I gripped the door handle to prevent myself from jumping back into the car and begging him to take me home. "I'll… I'll see you after school," I murmured. I probably looked like a dejected puppy. I could see Axel peering down at me from the corner of my eye, and I was glad Axel didn't say something sarcastic. I really wasn't up for it right now.

"Yeah," Leon agreed. He looked a little worried.

 _You and me both, man. You're sending me into the lion's den…_

"In about eight hours," I reminded him, sounding disheartened. I'd never been away from Leon for this long since… well, since Hayner punched me in the face… I felt like I couldn't breathe unless I knew Leon was nearby. And suddenly, I knew exactly how Sora felt about not being able to see me… It was painful.

The memory of him getting snatched out of my arms made my eyes sting.

I think Leon noticed, because he quickly turned his head, his own eyes looking a bit reluctant to let me walk off. As he began gazing through the windshield, he said, "I'll see you at home tonight, though. There's someone I want you to meet after school."

"But Xion wants me—"

"That's not a good idea today," he spoke up. He seemed to be on edge about something, and I became a little bothered myself. Was something happening at the Fair house? Maybe Cloud was visiting Aerith.

"Who do you want me to meet?"

"You'll have to wait and see…."

"…Are they as weird as you?" I asked.

He almost smirked as he glanced at me. "Weirder."

I smiled, feeling the sting in my eyes subside. "We'll get along great then." I noticed that I clicked well with calmer personalities than overtly happy ones… besides Sora and Ven's. Theirs I could take...

* * *

"Roxas," someone called me.

I nervously tapped my pencil against the desk, gazing out the window. I was extremely anxious to the point that I couldn't stop fidgeting. The classroom just felt so small with all the stares. The white walls made me feel like I was in some sort of limbo-like place where nothing changed and nothing ever would.

 _Basic._

Mr…? I'd forgotten his name already—some substitute for our biology class. He was giving me this hard glare, like I'd done something wrong—as if he were a God and staring into the eyes of sinner damned to Hell. I didn't like him.

 _You didn't do that to her eyes_ , I kept telling myself. _You didn't make Xion go blind…_

 _But you sure did help Seifer do it._

 _You were an accomplice..._

 _You ruined her life, Roxas. Remember that. Everyone else will…_

 _Shut up._

 _You can't shut up your own conscience, idiot._ Talking to myself... I kept doing that a lot lately and it was starting to freak me out.

I shut my eyes and cringed, feeling my hands start to shake. It was a struggle to stop thinking of myself in such a negative way—and Xion and Sora—and I really couldn't trust my own thoughts to cheer me up, not with all the accusing stares I kept getting. I'd only been here for a few hours and I didn't think I could muster enough strength to stick it out until lunch time.

Immediately, I began debating on whether or not I should call Leon. _He'd be here in a hurry… He said he would._

"Roxas," Hayner murmured. He was to my left, and when I opened my eyes, I saw that he was giving me a troubled glance. I simply shrugged in reply and sank lower into my brown desk so that my legs protruded out of the front and my head was inches above the top of the small, blue chair.

There was a weight on my chest, one that felt like it'd been thrown on me and was slowly crushing my heart—almost like I was sinking at the bottom of the ocean because I couldn't get the thing off…

I was drowning in my own anxiety.

"He looks guilty," someone whispered as the teacher continued the lesson.

"He should," someone else spoke up.

"No, he shouldn't. Roxas didn't do anything. It was Seifer. Hayner wouldn't be talking to him now if he'd done it... do you think?"

"Who cares? Roxas helped so he's just as bad as Seifer."

"…I guess you're right."

"Shut up," Hayner told them. He'd said it loud enough so that everyone could hear and when Mr. What's His Name turned around, he gave Hayner a sharp look.

"I beg your pardon?" Mr. What's His Name looked at his clipboard, probably going over the seating chart he'd been left. "Hayner, correct?"

"Yeah," Hayner said through gritted teeth. I'd never seen him act so pissed in class. I hoped I'd never have to see it again. It upset me that he looked about ready to jump up and hit something, like... like before when he pushed me down the stairs…

Mr. What's His Name gave Hayner the rudest glare I'd ever seen. "One more disruption, and I'll send you to the principal's office."

When I saw Hayner about to retort, I loudly bashed my left hand against my desk to draw attention to myself, standing to my feet. As I pressed both palms on the wood, I said, "It wasn't his fault, and you know it." My voice had a heck of a bite in it, one that made everyone give a wary glance.

After the asshole got over his shock, he pointed at the door. "Both of you get out of my classroom."

Hayner stood and when I didn't move, he grabbed my arm. "Roxas…" I continued to glower at the man, wishing I could end him right there. I hated him so much. Hayner was getting this bullshit because of me and he tugged me again. "Come on, Roxas."

I gave the old man one last glare before Hayner and I gathered our belongings and we headed out. Once we left, I slammed the door behind me and turned to my best friend. Before I could speak, we heard the substitute calling the main office over the intercom inside the classroom to alert them that we were heading there.

Hayner rolled his eyes once the man had finished, and he scoffed when the intercom over the entire school rang out, "Roxas Strife and Hayner Mori, please report to the principals office. Roxas Strife, Hayner Mori, please report to the principal's office."

I face palmed. "Sorry…"

"Not your fault," Hayner said, patting my back. "Look on the bright side. We get to leave school early, and no one punched you in the face."

I chuckled, lowering my hand as we paced down the hall. "I actually think Axel might go back and punch Mr. What's His Name in the face later, though."

Hayner agreed with a light hum. "So, you and Leon seem really close. I'm kind of jealous." He said it casually, and the smile he had on his lips gave me the impression that he was happy for me.

"Why?" I asked.

He shrugged, hooking his thumbs around the straps of his green backpack. "My dad's still overseas, working as SOLDIER..."

Oh…

 _Oh!_

I remembered… His name is Kunsel—Kunsel Mori. I hadn't seen him in years. Mr. Fair said he'd become a really good friend… and that's actually how Hayner and I became friends, because we were military brats.

I don't think Xion and Hayner got along at first when they met. They were mighty jealous of each other. But I guess over time, they got over it…

Or maybe it was because I stopped talking to everyone and they had a mutual reason to build a friendship—by hating me.

"How is he?" I asked. I hadn't heard from the man in what felt like ages, but we weren't close. He was Zack's friend; that's what I knew him as, and I'm pretty sure he referred to me as Hayner's friend, or Zack's Godson, never anything more. We were socialized through mutual people that we cared about.

"He's not going to be home for another four months," Hayner stated. He paused in the hallway. "But he said he doesn't want to be SOLDIER anymore—says it's not what he thought it'd be."

I frowned. "Mr. Fair used to say the same thing… and so did my dad."

"They're really shady in the military," Hayner explained, shrugging as he spoke. "They say, once you're SOLDIER, the only way out is dying—but I heard that's just a rumor. It's still pretty exclusive to get in and out of, though…"

I didn't know what to say, so I simply blinked away some frustration. Talking with Hayner like this, knowing he couldn't see his father and what the man was probably going through, it… it gave me more sympathy for Cloud—just a little.

I wanted to know about why he is the way he is… I just feel like if he talked about it, maybe he'd feel better knowing that his family could at least _try_ to understand…

 _Maybe…_

A little while later, we reached the principal's office. We were scolded for our behavior—which I called bullshit on pretty quickly—and then we were asked to wait for our legal guardians to arrive… And as much as I wanted Leon to come and pick me up, I know that he and Cloud hadn't sorted out who was on my checkout list just yet, considering that I hadn't been back to school and I'd never been checked out until now…

"Roxas," Cloud called me.

I'd been sitting in the hall in a blue chair with my head in my hands, and the moment I heard his voice, my palms fell into my lap. _Talk about awkward._ "Uh, hey there…"

He stopped in front of me, arms folded, expression neutral… We both looked uncomfortable. "Let's go."

I got up slowly, not wanting to do anything to piss him off as I grabbed the right strap of my black backpack, and I allowed him to walk in front of me while we walked down the hall. "Sorry for bothering you," I murmured, sounding timid.

"Hn." _Wow, that's it? No lecture?_ _Oh right, he didn't give a damn about me._ "I haven't added Leon to your checkout list yet, or gave him the rights to be your legal guardian. Everything will be fixed after he signs the papers."

I froze in the hall, feeling a bit confused by his statement. It… it almost seemed as if… "What?" _What papers? On the checkout list?_ All he had to do was request to the school that Leon could pick me up from now on, so... what did he mean?

Cloud paused after he was a good four feet ahead of me, but he didn't turn to face me. "…Leon is going to become your legal guardian now." He ignored my gasp and said, "Your mother and I have already given him permission, and Sora and Ven agreed to it after we discussed that you were more comfortable at Leon's place than at at ours." _That's a lie, though!_

"You _told_ them that?!" He'd probably manipulated them into thinking that I loved Leon more than I loved them… How could he do something so… so wrong?

"We just need to pick a date to meet up with our lawyers to make the proper contracts," he finished.

"You're…? You're giving me away?" I asked, my voice rising again. I took a step back. "Just… just like that?!"

He crossed his arms, moving his head to the right while he gazed at the floor. There was a hint of grief on his expression, but it faded as he spoke up, "It's better this way."

"For who, _you_?!"

"Yes," he hissed.

"But… but why?" I was whispering now, bewildered. "Don't you and mom… want me?"

He didn't even think about it before he said, "We're better off without you, Roxas." _Better off without...?_

Who in their right mind would tell their kid that?

What gave him the right to throw me away?

I knew he didn't want me, but those custody papers… they made everything… binding, you know?

 _They made it real..._

"What kind of custody agreement?" I asked slowly.

"A legalized adoption, granting Leon all parental rights, and terminating your mother's and mine."

 _Terminating…?_

"It means, we won't have any contact," he continued. "We're no longer your family, so trivial matters like these aren't for us to worry about."

 _No longer... family...? But we... we share the same blood... I've known you all my life._

"And we'll basically be strangers," he stated.

 _How…?_

"How could you?" I glared at his back as he stood there, waiting for me to say something. "I… I thought you said me staying with Leon was temporary?" I don't know why I was whispering. I think I was in a bit of shock. He was giving me up like I wasn't worth anything to him.

"Roxas, don't do this," he started, shaking his head. "You don't understand."

"Then help me understand," I begged, spreading my arms, dropping my backpack. "Help me see why you…" My eyes lowered in embarrassment and my hands curled into fists. "Why you…" _Why you don't want me…_ "You never talk. You always run, and I'm tired, dad…"

I stepped around him, touching my chest. "I'm here; I'm right here. Don't shut me out like this. Talk to me, dad."

"There's nothing to talk about—"

"Mr. Fair would talk about Shinra and get so depressed—he'd talk about Angeal, and Genesis and someone named Sephiroth—"

"Be quiet, Roxas," he warned. Did he know them, too?

I began rubbing my temples while my mind reeled from hearing his heavy, wounding words. "You can't outrun your problems," I whispered bitterly. "Or me…" I was a person too, damn it. "Maybe if you talked to someone it'd help."

"Nothing will help."

"How do you know unless you try?"

He said nothing in reply, refusing to look at me as he sidestepped me and began to pace down the hall.

I couldn't breathe. I was drowning again, sinking to the bottom of the ocean, just like I'd felt before… Instead of following him, I began feeling a sudden rage beginning to take over. "Fine!" I shouted, causing him to halt and finally spare me a brief, astounded glance. "I don't care!" _What a lie… You're crying, idiot_. "Give me away! Leon's a better father than you'll ever be!"

I meant it, but I hadn't meant to actually say it aloud, not like that… I just wanted him to know the pain of feeling replaceable—of not being wanted.

 _God, why didn't he want me?_

He shifted his weight onto his right foot, giving me a blank stare. "Then Tifa and I made the right decision."

I gave him a curt nod. "The best," I droned through gritted teeth, shrugging. _The worst…_

 _Please, don't do this to me…_

He paced back over to me, using his thumbs to brush something wet off my face, and in that brief moment, I got a glimpse of somebody I used to know, someone I missed. "You're crying," he stated.

 _Don't leave me._

I scoffed, rolling my shoulders. "Tears of joy," I lied. "I'm glad I don't have to be your son anymore." _You lied to my brothers about this adoption to get them hate me… You… you manipulated them…_

"Really?"

"Yes, _really_ ," I replied quickly, scowling at him. "You're not fit to be my father if you can't even take care of yourself!" He looked stunned to hear me shouting again, but I continued my rant. "Face it! Your brain is so stuck in the past, you refuse to move on! You refuse to get over whatever the hell it is that's eating you away! And you know what else?! I don't think all of this is—" I gestured to his form. "Is really _my_ fault!"

"I think you just need to direct your anger on someone and what better way to do that than to take it out on the kid who added to the fire, right?!" A teacher was approaching us, but we kept our glares intact, nostrils flaring.

"Excuse me," the woman called us. "Is there a problem?" She knew there was.

Idiot.

I never looked away from Cloud. "You're doing me a favor by getting rid of me, and I won't miss you at all!" _I'd miss you the moment you walked away from me, and the fact that I love you makes me hate you even more…_

Cloud actually looked ashamed of my statement, and again, I regretted voicing my thoughts aloud. "I see…" He did an about face, but when he started to pace away, I quickly grabbed his right hand in both of mine, hoping he'd do something—wishing he'd say _something_ to make this better.

 _Please, don't walk away… please... It's like the only way for you to hear me is by screaming at the top of my lungs… just... just..._

 _Don't go._

 _You should tell him that._

 _He knows._

 _You sure about that...?_

 _...No._

I missed him, and I didn't want him to leave… I… I just wanted my dad back. Even after all of this, I still wanted him to love me as I much as I loved him—even if I was denying how hard I loved him. Would I have to beg? Would I have to get on my fucking hands and knees to show him just how much I cared?

 _Why give me away without fighting…?_

But… maybe he thought I wasn't worth fighting for.

 _He thinks you're worthless. You don't mean anything to him anymore. You're a stranger._

 _You're a nobody._

I ducked my head, feeling more tears fall from my face as I slowly allowed his hand to slip from mine. I felt like this was the time—I felt like this was our way of letting go of each other. He knew I wouldn't follow him, and that I was probably walking home—to Leon's place…

My _permanent_ residence…

It's not that I didn't want Leon to take care of me; it's just that I didn't want to lose my own father in order to keep Leon around. I just...

 _To lose is to gain._

Where had I heard that before?

"Why don't you love me?" I asked in a hoarse murmur to no one in particular. I was so far gone that I'd begun talking to myself, asking questions meant for the one man who I knew would never answer me.

As the teacher approached me, I sank to my knees and buried my face in my hands. "Why don't you want me, dad?"

 _What can I do to make you care about me again?_

"Honey?" the teacher called. _I wish she'd disappear..._

 _Disappear…? Yeah, I can disappear._

Shaking my head, I stood in a sudden daze, blocking the issue out. "I'm fine," I said in a guarded voice. My feet slowly carried me down the hall in a robotic manner. "Just fine…"

I'd lied again.

I wasn't okay. I was going to disappear.

 _It's what Cloud wants. He'll accept you if you do this._

 _Yeah..._

* * *

If I jumped, would that make him care then? If I ended myself, would Cloud even shed a tear…? If I died right here, would Xion finally forgive me for what I did to her eyes…? No one else has…

 _"It's better this way," Cloud had said._

Maybe he was right…

 _He_ is _right._

I'd been standing at the top of the clock tower for a while, just contemplating what it'd be like if I died, while I leaned over the stone with my forearms and peered down below.

It was nightfall, but I didn't care.

I welcomed the darkness.

 _It'd be so easy to just jump right here—to just dive and splatter with the pavement down there… wonder how that'll look._

 _Xion would love it._

With a sigh, I finally turned around and seated myself on the floor, burying my face in my hands. My shoulders shook while I allowed myself to burst into tears and I rocked back and forth in search of comfort. I had so much rage that I began biting my lower lip and pulling at my hair, wanting nothing more to stand back up and throw myself over the edge like…

 _Like Cloud threw you away…_

 _No one would miss me_. I pulled out my cellphone, calling the Strife residence in another bid to talk to my brothers. _Please pick up… please answer…_ The voicemail picked up instantly, so I hung up and tried again. Sora and Ven weren't going to answer; they thought I loved Leon more than them, thanks to Cloud, and I'm sure my mom didn't want to deal with confronting me about why she chose to give me away.

When I got the voicemail for the second time, I waited for the buzz and whispered, "Hey, it's me… I…" I had to bite into my lip to prevent a strained cry from lurching out of my throat. "I..."

 _Why bother? She won't call you. She doesn't even miss you._

 _She doesn't want you._

 _Your own mother gave you away._

In a sudden rage, I threw the phone against the wall that was connected to the black side door, watching it smash into several pieces.

 _They don't want you anymore_ , I thought. _You're not part of the family…_

"No one would miss me," I murmured to myself, feeling a bit lightheaded from all my crying. I stood, getting a glimpse of the entire town, and while I huffed, I hoisted myself up onto the ledge. "All I have to do is jump… just jump and it'll all go away…" I don't know why I kept talking to myself. It just… helped, I guess.

 _Go for it._ That negative voice in my head wouldn't leave me alone. It's like I had a heartless creature whispering to me over my shoulder… and I shuddered when I realized that the thoughts were mine—the creature was me. I'd produced all this darkness.

 _It's what Cloud wants right—for you to be out of his life? That's why your parents gave you away. You're not wanted._

 _You're not loved._

 _But… but killing myself won't really make all these problems go away… will it?_

I nodded. Yes, _it will. Go on. Try it. I promise it'll only hurt for a second._

"That's it?" I asked myself.

 _That's it_ , I answered.

"Okay."

"Roxas," a voice called me cautiously.

"Don't come any closer," I threatened. I was in no mood for another round of angst, and I'd had enough. I just wanted out.

It'd make Cloud proud of me, for once, doing something he'd been planning—getting rid of me.

"Son," he told me. "You need to get off the ledge."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Why wouldn't you?" I could hear his voice getting closer as he spoke but I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of yanking me, not when I was on a mission to do the one thing I _thought_ I was against…

I sighed, turning to see an officer in blue. He was pale and bulky, and he had reddish brown hair and light eyes. "You don't understand."

He was a good twelve feet away from me. "Oh, I'm sure I don't understand what it's like to be a teenager," he said with a bit of sarcasm. "Because I never was one, after all." If this was his way of persuading me not to jump, he sucked at it.

 _Dumb ass._ "You don't know anything about me, or what I've been through." _Okay, Roxas. Don't talk to him… just jump._

 _But he said—_

 _I know. Just jump._

I hated it when adults thought that all teenagers went through the same situations that they did in school. Everyone's going to have a different experience. I bet that jackass' experience wasn't anything like what I was going through now. It was probably a thousand times better…

I hadn't anticipated another officer approaching me from the opposite end of the clock tower, and before I could even move, firm arms wrapped around my upper half, dragging me off the ledge and throwing me onto the floor.

Everything after that was a blur. I don't even remember who dragged me down the emergency stairs of the tower, or which one of them took me home, and honestly, I'd fallen asleep from all that crying I'd done.

I woke to the sound of voices—booming voices—but I didn't open my eyes. I was extremely fatigued. Being manhandled'll do that to you...

I could hear Cloud, my mom, Aerith and Leon arguing about what happened from where I laid on what I assumed to be my bed. They were all screaming downstairs—all shouting to get the last word. _Wow, Aerith could really yell when she wanted to…_

It was then that I realized someone was holding me, holding me closely… The hand I felt… soft, gentle… familiar.

 _It couldn't be…_

I opened my eyes to see Xion laying beside me, to my left, my hand in hers. Her head was resting on my shoulder while she slept… and the little body positioned between us made me startle.

" _S-sora_?" I whispered. _Sora…. You're really here…_

I smiled when I saw that Denzel was sleeping on my chest, and when I gazed to my right, I saw that Axel was sleeping beside me, and Ventus was squished in the small space between us, clutching my shirt while he dreamt of something better than the fucked up life we had now.

Xion stirred in her sleep when my hand twitched, yawning as she quietly called out, "Roxas? Are you awake?"

"Yeah…" I never thought I'd see her here…

"…I'd miss you," was all she said before she drifted back to sleep. The desperate way she squeezed my hand. It reminded me of better times.

I heard Axel hum in approval, but he never opened his eyes. "Same."

I almost smiled, but instead, I sighed, feeling disappointed in myself for what I'd thought of doing earlier…

"Daddy lied," was all Sora said before he snuggled deeper into me. _Sora..._ And then I thought of Leon… The entire time on the clock tower, I had only been thinking of Cloud, not him… I wasn't thinking about how the situation would affect him and I felt so guilty. And I was going to blow all that away because Cloud didn't want me—because I couldn't win his approval?

Just once, I wanted him to accept me again, to _love_ me, to pretend that I was something more than the son he was ashamed of…

 _Yeah, I... I wanted to be loved…_

Was that too much to ask?

 _But you've got Leon_ , I thought again. _He's been giving you all the love that Cloud couldn't. Don't throw it all away._

 _Where the hell were you on the clock tower?_

 _Oh, I was there. I saw you. You gave in…_

 _To what?_

"Darkness," I whispered to myself. "I've got so much of it now…"

A firm hand, probably Axel's by the size of it, reached over and ruffled my hair before I felt it retreat. "Don't let it control you."

 _And don't ever forget how much Leon loves you—ever._

"I won't."

A little while later, as I was drifting back to sleep, I heard someone say, "That's Roxas? Aw, he's precious, Leon. I can't believe Cloud and Tifa agreed to just give him away like this..."

"People change, Rinoa," Leon stated. _Rinoa?_

"Should we wake them?" she asked. "They're all so cute sleeping like that."

"…Cloud agreed that we shouldn't wake them and let them all sleep tonight. They'll leave in the morning, but Axel will probably stay; Xion refuses to leave his side." I felt a hand brushing my bangs out of my eyes. "…He kept whispering that no one would miss him in his sleep when the officer brought him in…"

 _I'm sorry, Leon._

"How do I make you understand how important you are?" He was talking to himself now, and I felt ashamed by the amount of grief I heard in his usual, neutral voice. "I won't throw you away like he did…"

I heard the smile in Rinoa's voice. "They say one man's trash is another's treasure," she said softly. "Roxas knows you love him, Squall, but maybe on the tower, he forgot about that for a moment because of what Cloud said to him. Makes me wonder what he told him to make him feel like he had no other option…"

 _Squall?_

"Cloud refused to tell me," Leon stated.

"He doesn't deserve him; I'm glad you're getting custody."

I heard Leon grunted in agreement. "…About dinner—"

"Don't worry. I can make a huge breakfast," she offered. She sounded sweet, and a bit playful. "Just wait! They'll wake up to the smell of bacon and blueberry pancakes, and… what?"

"Thank you." I knew he was blushing, and I furrowed my brows when I felt a kiss on my forehead. " _I'd_ miss you," Leon murmured to me. "Don't ever forget that, Roxas."

As I heard their quiet footsteps retreating, I said, "I'd miss you, too."

I didn't know what was to become of my relationship with Cloud—if he'd drive over tomorrow and snatch my siblings away from me again, if I'd get the opportunity to tell him sorry for all the rude things I said, but…

 _I don't ever want to feel as worthless as I felt on that ledge today._

I wanted to feel needed, loved, I…

I wanted to feel complete.

 _Maybe that's asking for too much._

…

 **A/N:** I was not in a happy place when I wrote the last portion of this chapter after I got out of the hospital because I've got six exams to makeup when school starts back up, so I'm starting off the new year playing a game of catch up. I also used this chapter as a sort of "You don't know how good you've got it until it's gone" kind of thing for both Roxas and Xion so that they can actually start a legit friendship. The next chapter focuses mainly on their interaction and Roxas noticing the shift in dynamics. I'll also be focusing on Xion's every day lifestyle as being a newly blind civilian, but more importantly there's also a special scene between Sora and Roxas that explains a lot about Cloud and Tifa.

You'll probably hate me when you read the ending of the next chapter, or maybe you won't lol Is anyone still pissed off that Square Enix is releasing KH 2.8 and not KH3 and they're spending an awful amount of time focusing on FF15? I am glad FF7 is getting a remake, though. I am iffy about it because remakes can go real right or real wrong but I'll expect the best.

You're welcome to hit a button or leave a review! Hope everyone's year is going great so far!

 **Reply to review:**

 **Ren7720:** You're right. He will! Don't know why I'm grinning at the thought but there's some Seifer drama that's unresolved around school. Thanks for reading—and reviewing


	9. Sorry

**A/N:** Soooooo I had to chop this chapter to fix the pacing for the next one, so forget everything about my last author's note. I'm scatterbrained right now. Sorry, hence the title. Story of my life lol Also, special thanks to FandomSupporter15 for the fanart! Check out their tumblr page: cy-fan-arts

 **Chapter 9: Sorry**

"I gotta pee," was Denzel's cute announcement when I'd awoken this morning. It looked about noonday, and I smelled a variety of delicious food permeating through the house from downstairs. Untangling myself from everyone's embrace was difficult, but I managed, and I even scooped Denzel up in the process, carrying him out of the room and towards the bathroom in the middle of the hall.

"Still gotta pee, Roxas," he reminded me as I groggily paced to the door and pushed it open. He'd spoken it so clearly…

"Still noted, buddy," I mumbled out, kissing his temple as we entered. He scrunched his nose when he got a whiff of my morning breath, causing me to chuckle lightly in my fatigued state. It felt too early to get up, but waking up to friends and family was… I won't lie; it felt so perfect—like something you'd only see in the movies…

 _I wish every morning could be like this…_

But I knew it wouldn't last—just like how content I felt talking with Leon wouldn't last. It was scary how quick things could change.

Know what? There was something I'd forgotten this morning, because I hadn't had the opportunity to really wake up and assess the situation just yet, but I knew that once I had, I'd address it—whatever _it_ was…

I absently locked the bathroom door behind us and watched as Denzel took in the height of the toilet with a protesting pout. He was so tiny and I knew he'd never make it from the floor. Poor thing. I remembered that at our house… No. Sorry. I remembered at _Cloud_ and _Tifa's_ house, Denzel had little green steps to help him reach the seat since he didn't want to use his potty training seat anymore. He was trained, after all, just a bit too short.

With a yawn, I rubbed the back of my neck with my free hand. "I'll hold you up, Den," I encouraged. "You know what to do?"

"Aim!" he said with a thumbs up. The bathroom smelled like a place I'd been to before, and I noticed that Leon had a plug-in sticking in a socket…

The aroma… it reminded me of Gongaga, a distant memory I had with Xion.

"Roxas," Denzel called me. He tugged on my sleeve, giving me a fearful pout. "Don't leave again."

I blinked. "Ya know? You talk really good now, Denzel." It upset me. I'd missed something… Most days I felt like their parent, like I didn't want them to grow up too fast and I wanted to be present for every single moment in their lives at all times…

I wanted to be _there_.

Once Denzel had finished his morning task, I did the same and we proudly flushed. Amidst our silent cheering, I grabbed the germ-x and squirted some into both our hands, watching the adorable sight of Denzel mumbling about wanting a cookie for breakfast.

 _He's so cute…_ I thought, rubbing my hands together while I balanced him in my arms. I felt a little peeved with myself, though. There was something I couldn't remember—something crucial.

But what…?

A loud thud from the other side of the bathroom door made us both jump. The doorknob jiggled, like someone was desperately trying to get the door open.

 _If they wanted to use the bathroom, a simple knock would've done the trick._

"ROXAS!" I heard Rinoa scream hysterically. "ROXAS, YOU OPEN THE DOOR RIGHT NOW!"

Denzel peered up at me, poking out his bottom lip. "She's mad."

I nodded. "Really mad."

"ROXAS!" Axel shouted. "OPEN THE GOD DAMN DOOR!" Even Axel sounded frantic.

It wasn't until I heard Leon on the other side that I arched my brow. "What's wrong?" he asked them at the same time I thought it.

"ROXAS LOCKED HIMSELF IN!" Rinoa screamed. She sounded like she was crying.

 _Why in the world was everyone being so…?_

 _So…?_

 _I'm an insensitive idiot._

"Oh no," I whispered, shutting my eyes. I was so tired that I hadn't fully woken up yet; I was so tired that I'd almost forgotten about my suicide attempt from yesterday… almost.

When I opened my eyes, the knob on the door was being jiggled harshly again, and as I reached for it, I heard Leon say, "Stand back." Before I could process what happened, the door was pushed open with a strength that I _never_ wanted to see Leon use again, the lock to said door was torn off in the process, and everyone was looking at me like they were expecting to see…

To see…

You know what I mean; don't make me say it. _Please_ don't…

Leon sighed once he took note of a frightened Denzel, and I lowered my head in shame. "Are you all right?" he asked me.

 _No._

"…We were just using the bathroom," I murmured, pointing towards the toilet. "It… it wasn't like _that_ …"

"Well, we know that _now_ ," Rinoa said, sounding relieved, and a bit hoarse, as she stepped around Leon and firmly wrapped her arms around Denzel and I. I almost smiled when Denzel carefully touched her hair, probably wondering if it felt as soft as it looked.

Rinoa… the woman I heard last night. She was a kind of beautiful in a 'girl next door' sort of way, and she had fair skin, brown eyes and dark hair. There was a honey streak on her bangs, and she was wearing a sky blue blouse and black shorts… I half expected Leon's special someone to be a queen of darkness or something, considering that Leon wasn't really a people person, but she was his polar opposite. Go figure…

Her eyes were puffy and pink from what she thought I'd tried to do just now…

It didn't feel good to get accused…

Leon looked like he really wanted to say something when I peered up at him, but he remained quiet as Rinoa released us. And suddenly, she was talking to me about _breakfast_ of all things instead of what just happened. I couldn't help but tune her out. There was an elephant in the room and I doubted that Leon and Axel were just going to pretend that the hysteria that just happened _hadn't_ …

 _Axel…_ He hadn't budged from the other side of the threshold, like he was afraid to enter. He wasn't looking at me, either, and that worried me. He looked spooked, and a little indecisive by the way he kept shifting his weight onto either foot.

"What do you think?" Rinoa asked me in a warm voice.

I blinked, furrowing my brows as she carefully took Denzel from my arms. He didn't object, either, which had me a little jealous that he would so easily trust her. Denzel only liked it whenever I, or my mother, held him… or so I'd thought… I'd missed a few things since I'd been here at Leon's place. "About what?" I sounded out of it. Too early for pointless small talk, but I didn't want to be rude, not to Leon's girlfriend. She hadn't done anything wrong to me and I think it'd break Leon's heart if we didn't get along or I suddenly lashed out at her due to my own teenage angst.

"Breakfast," she replied, eyes expectant and hopeful. She seemed nice enough, just a little nervous. Denzel would _not_ stop touching her hair.

Maybe he was crushing on her. It happens to the best of us at some point—especially the age where you're a toddler and you're discovering that mommy and daddy are shaped differently and the Barbie dolls the little girls at daycare play with have boobs while your transformers have… well metal…?

I almost laughed, feeling my lips twitch. "…Sure." I hadn't heard _anything_ she'd suggested before that, but I answered anyway. "I don't mind." Those must've been the right words, because she kissed my cheek and turned, carrying Denzel—who didn't seem to mind—with her. On her way out, she took Leon's left hand in her right one, squeezing it for comfort, and when she brushed past Axel, she'd placed a reassuring hand on his cheek.

Now I understood why she'd left, why she suddenly started talking so much. She was uncomfortable, but she hid it behind a smile, something I'd only seen Aerith do when Zack died… except Rinoa was no Aerith.

As I peered over at Leon and Axel, I saw that we all still looked pretty tired from yesterday. It looked like we'd all aged by at least a year and gained a better sense of awareness of… of _life_ , I guess. I don't know how to exactly explain it, but we all looked like we'd just survived one hell of an apocalypse… the faces we wore weren't our own, more like some weird masks as a way of coping so we could all push through this.

Either way, I felt guilty; they all looked like this because of me—because of what I almost did... The tension in the room had me wishing I could be anyone else except _me_ at the moment—that I could disappear—but not like I'd tried to do yesterday… not physically, just…

 _I don't know what to think anymore._ My emotions seemed all jumbled somehow _._

 _Maybe you should reevaluate yourself. I mean, you almost threw all this away yesterday because of… I've_ gotta _stop talking to myself._ It freaked me out.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out. "I didn't mean—"

"I jumped to conclusions," Leon said at the same time Axel said, "I jumped the gun." Their own voices surprised them, and they shared a brief glance of understanding as Leon rubbed his temples.

"I don't feel comfortable with you roaming the house by yourself right now," he explained. I knew him well enough to detect the slight fear in his tone. He didn't want to lose me.

I messed up.

But… for some reason, his statement upset me. "Didn't know I needed to alert everyone about a simple bathroom break." I hadn't meant to sound peeved, or even sarcastic, but the words left me before I could shut my mouth.

Leon crossed his arms, giving me a long stare while he shook his head. "It'll take a while…" Although he left the sentence to trail, I knew what he meant. It'd take a while before he was content enough to let me walk around on my own.

He didn't trust me alone.

I didn't deserve his trust, not after what I did…

Did he even _want_ me living with him now?

"Yes," he answered.

My cheeks reddened as he eyed me. I'd been thinking out loud.

"…Do you want to stay with me, Roxas?" he asked.

I parted my lips to answer, but I thought it over for a moment. It was one thing to live with Leon, but to just so quickly have my folks sign my rights away to him… to lose the title of being their son—to not have the privilege of coming home to parents who care and greet your little brothers everyday… it was scary.

The things we take for granted, huh?

"Yeah," I whispered. I really was… We shared a brief, fatigued smile.

When Leon noticed I wasn't going to say anything else, he said, "We need to talk about yesterday—"

"Please don't do this now," I begged, touching my temples while I squatted. I wanted this day to be over. "It's not what you think—well, it is, but it sort of isn't."

"Then what was that yesterday on the clock tower?" He sounded a little pissed off now. "A sudden impulse to sight see?"

"No!" I shouted, gazing over at him. "You… you don't get it, Leon!"

"Then help me to," he suggested in his low voice. "Help me understand why you…" His right hand began to shake, and he made a barely audible 'tch' sound as he turned his head and covered his mouth. He quieted again, seating himself on the edge on the bathtub. As he lowered his hand, his gaze met mine. "The police told me that maybe it's best if we get you some psychiatric help—"

"I'm not crazy, Leon," I objected, feeling my eyes water. _Yes you are; you're as crazy as the man you_ used _to call 'Father'._

"I never said that." His eyes looked a little unfocused, like he was seeing through me instead of at me. "Just tell me why you did it and I won't take their advice."

I was nodding in guilt. "I just…" My hand shakily brushed through my hair. I couldn't get the proper wording out.

"Take your time," was his patient reply.

"…I was tired of my dad—I mean, _Cloud_ —pretending like I didn't exist." My brows furrowed at my own confession. "On the clock tower… it just felt like having someone you love not accept your existence—that you're a _person_ and to just make you feel like you don't matter—it felt worse than dying…" I pressed my lips in a tight line as I stood and leaned my back against the wall. As I rested the back of my head against it, my eyes drifted to the ceiling. "So I… I thought why not?" I shrugged. "I didn't matter any way, right?"

Leon waited for me to continue.

I whispered, "…I wanted to make him see me—to just _want_ me, I guess…" I shielded my face with my right hand, groaning in frustration. "I think I really _am_ insane."

"Not exactly," Axel finally spoke up. I lowered my hand to see him rolling his shoulders, noticing he still hadn't entered the bathroom. "I get what you're saying: There's nothing worse than existing and not having someone you care about acknowledge it, because then it feels like you don't really exist to begin with... and that you'd rather go ahead and disappear since you start to think 'No one would me miss me'…"

He was spot on.

The redhead sighed, scratching his chin. "But I think on the tower you might've forgotten that just because _one_ person doesn't notice you're gone, doesn't mean that everyone else wouldn't." He placed his hand over his heart, giving me a serious gaze. "But I would—I'd _definitely_ notice if my best friend…" He looked incredibly aggravated, leaving his sentence to trail. "Damn it. I'd miss you, Roxas. Okay?"

He sort of hissed the last part out, like he was pissed, yet depressed, and a little bit confused. His emotions seemed all over the place and it was out of character for him. Axel usually had everything together and because of me, he looked so broken, like he couldn't be fixed.

I'd traumatized him.

His puzzle pieces that I had easily put together in my head were about as undone and scattered as Leon's now—to every corner of the earth and buried within it…

"Axel, I… I messed up."

He scoffed incredulously at my understatement. I deserved that.

"I know you're mad—"

"I'm not mad!" he shouted, curling his hands by his sides. "I'm fucking terrified, Roxas!" He pointed an accusing finger at me. "Do you _know_ what yesterday was like?! I called you—Roxas, I went out and _looked_ for you!"

 _Axel…_

I took a step forward, stopping when he gave me a pensive stare. "Axel, I'm sor—"

"I'm _not_ mad!" he yelled again. "Just… not knowing where the hell you went, or where you were after school…" He spread his arms in exasperation. "Hayner doesn't even know yet, by the way!" He started pacing back and forth in the hallway now, rubbing his temples as he murmured something incoherent to himself. I took that as the time to inch my way towards him, but I wasn't stupid enough to get too close. That's not what he wanted.

The entire time, Leon was standing now, arms crossed, just letting Axel say his piece. It needed to be said and I knew this was a side of my Axel I never wanted to see again—this person, my best friend, hurting because of _me._

I'll be damned if I allowed Axel to go through something like this again.

"… What it's like to get a call saying that your best friend tried to kill himself?!" he continued, snapping me out of my thoughts. Before I could get a word in, he began yelling out, "And this morning—seeing you gone—seeing that you'd locked yourself away in here, I actually thought you…!" He was trembling. "That you…"

My best friend…

 _What've I done?_

I cautiously walked over to him, carefully reaching for his left forearm. I could still feel him shuddering and he refused to look at me. "I know you're mad. I know you're scared, and Axel I _know_ this really could've been the other way around, but I sincerely apologize..."

He was still quiet—eyes fixed to the right.

"My statements probably don't mean anything to you right now, but I took my life—and everyone in it—for granted yesterday, and I'm _never_ going to do something so selfish again… and I intend to show you all that. I promise."

No response.

With a sigh, I released him and lowered my head before turning to Leon. "I'm gonna go to my room and check on my kids— _brothers_ …" It was weird. They did feel more like my kids than my siblings sometimes. I think that was just my protective instincts talking, though.

Leon could only nod, looking a bit robotic.

As I paced off, Axel asked, "How?"

I paused, turning to fully face him. His expression matched mined—fatigued. "How what?"

"How are you going to keep your promise?"

I spread my arms, shrugging a little. "By living…" With the hoarse statement out, I walked off, entering my room to see Sora and Ventus watching Xion sleep.

"Roxas!" Ventus called with a grin. He jumped off the bed and darted over to me. I chuckled as he hugged my torso and I knelt, hugging him back.

"Hey bud," I murmured.

He touched my left cheek, inspecting my puffy eyes before he frowned. "Are you sad…?"

My brows rose in surprise. "What? No way. Why would I be? I get to see you today." I was putting on a front. Being the oldest wasn't easy. It was like I was the guinea pig my parents bought during their first-time parenting shopping spree—the trial and error child that had to go through all the bullshit in order to show them what not to do the second child, while still appearing as if I had all of my shit together around said child—which I didn't.

Even though I was hurting, I felt like I had to be their rock at a time like this because I was the oldest, like I couldn't mourn for their sakes. Someone had to keep it together…

Ven wrapped his arms around my neck. "Please don't disappear again," was his simple request. He was pleading with me.

I held him desperately, noticing that my brothers were wearing pajamas, and Xion was dressed in day clothes like Axel and Leon—alerting me that they hadn't went to sleep last night until I was brought here... Their shoes were stacked in the corner of my room…

 _I_ was wearing my suicide clothes from yesterday.

"I won't, Ven," I murmured. "I promise." I released him and stood. "Breakfast is ready downstairs. Why don't you go save me a seat?"

"Okay!" He almost took off, only to pause and turn to his twin. "You coming, Sora…?"

 _See what you did?_

Sora looked miserable—like he'd awoken from a nightmare only to find out he was _still_ trapped in one. "No." He didn't sound like himself. Even his spikes were drooping; that's how dejected Sora Strife looked.

 _I did this…_

I ushered Ventus towards the door. "You go on ahead," I told him. "We'll all be down later."

With a bit of reluctance, he left.

There went the tension again, full force.

"Hey, kiddo," I greeted, watching him watch me from the bed. He was sitting cross-legged in his red pajamas, arms crossed defiantly, and a pout that could start a war was firmly intact on his lips. "Sora, about yesterday—"

"How could you?" He was crying now and I hurried over to him, glancing towards Xion as she stirred in her sleep. As I wrapped my arms around a core object of my affection, said object buried his face into my shirt.

"Sora, I'm sorry." My voice was raspy.

He responded by smacking me on the arm. "You were gonna leave us all alone—when daddy's so scared and trying to help you!"

My brows furrowed. "What?"

He was peering up at me as if he were in pain. "He's scary at home, but he can't help it!"

I titled my head. "Sora… what you said last night about him lying… what did you mean?" He sucked in his bottom lip and a stare-off began. _Oh you're gonna talk, cutie. Don't get quiet on me now._

"Sora," I tried again—patiently, of course. There's never been a reason for me to yell at Sora… well, except that one time when he said he'd disappear after not getting a cookie before dinner, and then we found him at the playground with Riku and Kairi talking about traveling to other worlds… Kids say the weirdest things. "I'm waiting."

"…You can't tell _anyone_!" he whisper-yelled, lifting his tiny pinky. "You have to promise!"

"My pinky won't tell a soul," I agreed, locking my digit with his. My mouth, however, might have to tell someone if I didn't like what I heard—especially if it was detrimental to my siblings. I didn't care how Cloud treated me at this point but I'd literarily kill him if he tried to physically hurt my brothers… _Whoa Roxas. Bring it back._ "Spill."

"Daddy wants to protect you," he said simply. "That's why he wants to give you away to Leon, so you can be happy and safe. That's why mommy agreed to it, too—not because she doesn't want you but because she wants you to be safe… we all do."

"Sora that doesn't make any since. Safe from who?"

"Doesn't matter as long as mommy and daddy take care of it. They've been to counseling and everything."

"What does counseling have to do with—?"

"You don't understand anything about what's wrong with mommy and daddy," he said seriously. It was like his eyes were telling me 'you need to get your shit together and see the bigger picture here, because you're not completely it, Roxas'. It was kind of scary… "And I didn't get it either… until I saw…"

"Saw what?"

"Daddy really loves you," Sora assured me. "And mommy does, too. You just have to trust them. They love us—all _four_ of us… And sometimes when mommies and daddies love their children so much, they love them enough to let them go and you _have_ to go, Roxas. That's why… it has to be you…" He avoided my gaze as he spoke this, scratching his chin. "You… you can't come home anymore, but we'll always be brothers and I'll always love you." He was struggling to recite this.

 _Where the hell was this coming from all of a sudden?_ "Sora—"

"I used to get so mad..." He nodded to himself, sighing absently. "But now I know what happened… and they were protecting you yesterday." Sora had a different air about him now, like he'd seen death and lived to tell the tale, like he was far more mature than I'd ever given him credit for.

He sounded wiser than his years…

I don't think an eight-year-old should ever have to sound this serious—to look as if they were carrying the weight of everyone's struggles and drama on their own shoulders until they slowly sunk into the ground. It didn't seem fair…

"Don't grow up too fast, Sora…" It reminded me of Zack…

 _"It's way too heavy!" I protested. I was ten and pouting while I tried to push the large slab of stone from the cave entrance. "Xion, it won't budge." With an exhausted sigh, I hunched forward and rested my hands on my knees. I always felt so insignificant back then, like I couldn't do anything… Ironically, it only happened whenever I'd think, "What would Zack do?"_

 _This memory, always wanting to be like him, always wanting what he had… it made me realize I knew_ exactly _what it was like to be my dad—I mean, Cloud back then. I knew all about feeling like a shadow, about feeling like a nobody…_

 _Especially with a hero—with a somebody like Zack—around…_

 _"You okay?" Xion asked me. She and I were dressed in similar play clothes—except my shirt was white and hers was blue. Our denim pants matched, though, and so did our scuffed sneakers… I missed those days, days when we were up to no good and when we went on family vacations together…_

 _Zack had invited us to Gongaga, his hometown. There were abandoned mines that were supposedly haunted located in the forest on the path that no one dared walk down… except me and Xion. We were there in the middle of the day, half-scared and half-excited about what we'd find. Legend had it that if the bolder to the mine entrance were ever opened, eight men would appear and use their jewels to cut the intruders hearts out…_

 _See why I couldn't say 'no' when Xion asked me to go treasure hunting with her? No ten-year-old with an overly active imagination would ever pass that up. Honestly, back then, I was programmed to do the opposite of what grownups told me, and the legend said there were all sorts of diamonds and rubies and gems…_

 _"I want to see 'em all!"_

 _That's what I'd told Xion that day… We always went looking for trouble, me and her… us against the world… my best friend…_

 _"Yeah," I finally answered, straightening up. "Just a little tired." We hadn't eaten since breakfast, since we raced through town and headed straight here shortly after. The run had been exhausting, and we had to eventually walk the rest of the way… It was miles from the small town—or as our parents liked to call it, a backwater country, just like Nibelheim…_

 _Zack should've been buried in Gongaga, now that I think about it. I feel like that was the one place where he didn't have to be looked up to as SOLDIER, but as a friend, a civilian, a son…_

 _Putting on a bit of bravado, and ignoring my grumbling stomach, I began to climb the side of the beige colored rocks. "Maybe there's a way inside from the top."_

 _"Maybe," Xion said thoughtfully, following after me. Her voice was as calm as the breeze that suddenly surrounded us; it sounded almost shy to my ears but not quite. She had just a bit of a gentleness that emitted a more tender presence above any anxiety back then. I think she got it from her mother._

 _She was only shy around her dad…_

 _"Xion," I said as we climbed. "Do you believe in monsters?"_

 _"Don't you?" she asked. "My dad says they work at Shinra. He says monsters walk around freely everywhere at headquarters… except Angeal. He wasn't a monster."_

 _As I finally climbed to the top of the mine, I huffed and sank to my knees. I was exhausted, and from the aching way Xion plopped beside me, I could tell she was pretty tired, too. "W-who's that?" I asked between deep breaths. "Angeal I mean…?" The rocks were harsher to climb than I'd anticipated, and I felt blisters forming on my palms when I pressed my hands against the hard stone._

 _"Dad's friend," Xion answered. She rested her head on my shoulder, and I felt the dampness of her hair through my shirt. "He doesn't talk about him much, but I hear him and mom occasionally saying little things…" She turned so that she was smiling up at me, but it looked kind of sad. "Dad says sometimes Angeal's still around, like a guardian angel."_

 _I frowned. "So Angeal is…" I never liked to say the 'D' word back then. It felt like the word was hexed to me, and it always left a bitter taste in my mouth._

 _Dead… dying, died, death—I hated those words… Alive held purpose. It meant everything was as it should be… here. After Zack died, I used to think if I said 'alive' enough times, he'd come back…_

 _He never did._

 _Xion brushed her hair behind her ear. "Yeah… that was the first time I'd seen dad cry…" Her blue eyes lowered as she got to her feet and paced around me, closer to the center of the rocks. "It was scary…"_

 _"I bet it was," I said as an afterthought, feeling down in the dumps now. My pout matched Xion's. Seeing parents in pain was like watching Superman succumb to kryptonite. It just seemed so wrong, like they were meant to be invincible… only to find out that they weren't. They were as mortal and as easily damaged as kids…_

 _It sucked._

 _Before I could say anything else to comfort her, the top of the mineshaft collapsed… exactly where I was standing._

 _I don't remember hitting the tracks below; I just remember a flood of darkness, and Xion screaming my name in horror… I had an intense fear of the dark back then, so much that I'd either cry uncontrollably, or scream until someone came and got me… but that day, I passed out, feeling numb and frightened._

 _Whenever I'd open my eyes, all I'd see was darkness, but after a while, I felt hands holding me close…_

 _"Z-Zack," I eventually called. I couldn't feel my arm…_

 _"I'm not him," came an unfamiliar voice. I didn't recognize it. That person held me until Zack, Cloud and Tifa returned with an ambulance and a police squad sometime afterwards._

 _Later that day, I woke up in one of the guest rooms of Zack's parents' house. It was warm and mostly decorated with various shades of brown and green. I called it the green room back then, to be honest. There was so much of it…_

 _"You're awake," Zack said from the doorway. He was leaning against the frame, arms crossed and there was a sullen expression on his features._

 _"Zack?" I asked groggily, sitting up. Pain shot through me, and I plopped back down._

 _He approached me with a bit of sympathy. "You broke your arm." He seated himself beside me. "The doctor treated you here since you kept screaming and the hospital is further away…"_

 _"Where's Xion?"_

 _"She's sleeping in Cloud's arms, like always." He'd spoken this with the purest of smiles on his face. "She's exhausted…" He was watching me carefully, and I'd never seen him look so serious. "You know what she told me?"_

 _"What?"_

 _He brushed my bangs out of my eyes. "She told me she ran all the way back here to get help for you."_

 _I frowned. "Is she okay?!" Xion has asthma, and back then the episodes were severe. I rarely saw her use her inhaler now, but I knew she probably took her medicine at times when I wasn't around._

 _He answered with a light hum, staring off into space. "She collapsed as soon as she swung the door open and wheezed out where you were…" He met my gaze. "I don't think she stopped once during her run to get help for you, not by the way she passed out."_

 _"Xion," I murmured, feeling guilty. "I'm so sorry."_

 _He didn't seem mad, more like a little scared. "I thought I lost you both today…"_

 _"But you didn't," I piped up. "And we were treasure hunting."_

 _He chuckled. "Oh really?"_

 _"Yeah-yeah! Xion and I are gonna be professional treasure hunters when we grow up." My eyes glazed over with excitement. "We're gonna travel the world… see everything, find everything."_

 _"You've got your whole life all figured out, huh?" He sounded sad, but back then I was too stupid to notice._

 _"Uh-huh!" I was nodded and grinning at the thought. "I can't wait!"_

 _A chaste kiss was placed on my temple. "Don't grow up too fast," he whispered. "Please don't." As he stood and he said, "Get some sleep, Roxas."_

 _It wasn't until a while later that Cloud walked in with a sleeping Xion. He tucked her in beside me and I wasn't surprised when she hugged me in her sleep. Cloud chuckled when he saw that I was awake, and attempting to use my good arm—my right arm—to hold Xion close. "You know you're grounded when we get home, right?"_

 _"On the second floor?" I asked, giving him the puppy-dog eyes I'd been practicing in the mirror._

 _"Yes, on the second floor," he said, crossing his arms. "And don't bat those eyes at me. I gave you those."_

 _I frowned. "Guess they only work on mom."_

 _"I'm completely immune," he assured me. We were smiling at each other, but both grins were small, teasing somehow. After absently brushing my bangs out of m eyes, he said, "You need a hair cut."_

 _I paled. "No way!" I hated scissors._

 _"I cut my hair last year," Xion said, sounding half-asleep. "You have to cut yours eventually." Her hair was incredibly short, just the way she liked it._

 _I face palmed. "Not you, too."_

 _"You're afraid of scissors." She knew me well._

 _"Seifer cut all of my spikes off!" That had been a kindergarten disaster that plagued me for a while._

 _"I'll hold your hand," was her tired reply._

 _Although I was rolling my eyes, I nodded. "Sure…" When I saw the look Cloud was giving me, I whined, "Dad!" He was giving me that 'you like her' look and it was making me blush._

 _He lifted both hands in defense. "I'm leaving."_

 _On his way out of the room, I called, "Um, dad?"_

 _He paused at the door, peering over at me. "What's wrong, son?" His voice sounded soothing._

 _"Could you tell Zack that 'I won't' and 'I promise'? He'll understand what I meant."_

 _His brows furrowed, but he nodded nonetheless. "Of course…"_

 _"Hey Roxas?" Xion asked once he was gone._

 _"Hey what?"_

 _"Dad said he saw a man in the cave, someone he felt like he knew… you think it was Angeal?"_

 _I yawned, resting my head on hers. "Maybe… wouldn't he have been watching over you, though?"_

 _She nodded. "I think he was… that was the fastest I've ever ran and I didn't stop once—even though I was tired, it felt like someone else had given me their own strength._

 _"I don't know if it was Angeal," I told her. "But I do know someone was there…"_

"Roxas!" Sora called me. He was shaking me in frustration. "Roxas, come back to me!"

I blinked, snapping out of my thoughts. Sora was crying and Xion was now awake, sitting up on the bed while she combed her hands through her bed hair. "Roxas," she called. Are you alright?"

I vaguely hugged Sora, holding him close to sooth him. "Yeah," I whispered. I cleared my throat by coughing. "I'm here."

"You were gone," Sora whispered into my shirt. "Don't leave me again."

I think he broke my heart.

"Sora," I murmured, kissing the top of his head. "I'm not going anywhere…"

"You said that before," he reminded me. "And then you tried to jump off a building." It didn't sound harsh, more like fretful.

I absently sighed, rocking us back and forth. "I was stupid before..."

"So you got smarter in that short amount of time?" He sounded amazed, and I knew Sora's reaction was both priceless and genuine. I almost laughed…

"Knock-knock," Rinoa called. She peered into the room, beaming at us. "Are you three up for brunch? Everyone's waiting."

Sora sniffed the air, jumping up and forgetting his tearstained face. "I… I smell bacon!"

Rinoa leaned down, resting her hands on her knees. "Why don't we go see what else is on the table, hm?"

"Okay!" Sora took her hand, guiding her out of the room. He had the shortest attention span I'd ever seen, one that always had me baffled and pretty amazed by how adorable he made it seem.

I peered over at Xion, watching as she pulled her knees to her chest. Her blindfold was off, revealing the huge scar going across her once flawless face and I couldn't help but wince. Even though it was healed somewhat, it still looked pretty painful.

Maybe it was because I'd seen how she got it…

I could still hear the slit sound it made…

I watched as her hand moved towards my nightstand, where her blindfold was. The movement was awkward, and I felt like I was intruding by sitting here… After fumbling a few times, the tips of her fingers finally brushed over the black material, and she carefully pulled it.

Before she could put it on, I placed my right hand over hers, stopping her. "I…" I gulped, watching her brows pull together. "Can you leave it off?"

She frowned and she lowered her head, allowing her bangs to shield her face. "I feel uncomfortable with it off while I'm awake," she admitted.

I let go of her, observing the way she placed the fabric over the scar and took her time to wrapping it. When she was finished, I asked, "Do you…?"

"Roxas?" she called after a while.

"Yeah?"

"Just say what's on your mind." She'd spoken it softly.

"If you wanna yell at me, too, I'm game. Almost everyone else has."

She surprised me by smiling. "I thought about what I'd do when I got the chance to talk to you," she said. "But…" She shook her head. "I'm tired of arguing with you…"

I sighed, laying down on my back. Xion and I were hot one day and cold the next—mostly her doing because of the situation… but I wished we could just be warm. "So, what now? Where do we go from here?"

"I don't understand."

I glanced over at her, seeing her head turned towards the direction of my voice. "I'm under your command until the end of three-hundred and fifty-eight days, aren't I? It's been what? Nearly two months since…"

She didn't respond, pressing her lips in a tight, nervous line. She knew what I meant. It hadn't been as long as I thought it'd be… These days… they seemed to take forever to get through…

"Xion," I said, breaking the silence. "…What's it's like seeing in the dark?" I asked it carefully, anxiously.

I didn't sense any tension in her answer. "It feels like I'm more visible to everyone than I'd like to be…" She hugged her knees, resting her head on her chin. "I feel like eyes are always on me, and just when I think I'm being paranoid, someone asks me about it… and then I realize I'm not being paranoid. I'm just annoyed."

"…Oh."

She scoffed. "That's it?"

"I know you don't want an apology," I said, clasping my hands over my stomach. "…I really want us to be friends, Xion—real friends. I want to get to know you." I was tired of her mood swings, too. She always had her sweet moments… then she'd turn so sour—like she was afraid to get to know me…

Because I was the idiot who helped Seifer…

"I'd like that, too." She sounded like she meant it. "And I'd like you to never try what you did last night."

That statement caught me off guard, but kept my gaze focused on the ceiling. "Me either…"

"That wasn't okay…" She sounded unsure of where the conversation was going, almost as if she were afraid of the answers she'd get if she asked me anything. "What were you thinking?"

"…You already know."

In the corner of my eye, I could see her absently brush her hair behind her ear. "What I said last night, I meant it, Roxas." I peered over at her as she said, "I really did."

"Thanks…"

"…Were you afraid?" she asked me. "Of… of dying, I mean?"

I chuckled lightly. "Not so much, but I did realize that I'm seriously afraid of heights." As my smile faded, I said, "It felt like someone else was inside me, daring me to jump—like they were telling me all these awful things about myself—like a negative voice in my head."

"…And why did you believe the voice?"

"Because it was telling me everything I already knew—everything that was true. What I did was terrible, and now I have to live with that… and get shut out by people I care about in the process. It sucks, Xion." I groaned in frustration, rubbing my temples. "But I know you've got it worse than me, so sorry for complaining. Forget I ever said anything." I didn't have the right to grumble about my situation, not when Xion was going through an adjustment that she had no say in…

"It's okay to feel, Roxas…" She sounded sincere, but when I looked at her; she looked a bit frozen in place, still hugging herself. "I can't imagine living knowing the two people I've known my entire life don't want me anymore. That doesn't seem like the Cloud and Tifa I knew…"

 _Knew…? Exactly right. You don't know them at all now…_ I made a 'tch' sound. "I don't have a right to whine about my situation, not around _you_ …"

"What do you think you have a right to complain about?"

"Nothing," I whispered. "I feel like I'm not allowed to have a say…"

Xion slowly lay down beside me, absently fiddling with her fingers. "We agreed for the next three-hundred and fifty-eight days that you'd be my eyes, right?"

"Right." I sounded morose and guilt-ridden.

"Then let me be your voice," she offered. As I glanced over at her, she said, "We're friends now and even though you don't forgive yourself, I forgive you. So let me talk for you."

To humor her, I asked, "If you were me, what would you say?"

"I'd say, 'Xion I really miss my dad…'" I'd never admit that, even in my thoughts… but she was right.

I closed my eyes, sighing. "What else?"

"And I _wish_ I could stop beating myself up over something I clearly can't change."

"Clearly," I murmured.

"It's weird isn't it?" she asked. "The things we take for granted? …Yesterday morning I was plotting on ways to make you suffer, but when I heard what you did, it… it reminded me of Gongaga."

"The mines," I recalled.

She nodded. "Yeah… when you fell that day, all I wanted to do was catch you—save you—do _something_ to get to you… You were afraid of the dark."

I almost smiled, feeling the corners of my lips twitch. "You remembered… You ran all the way back home to the town to get me help that day."

"Of course," she said. "You were my best friend… can we go back to that?"

"I don't think we'll ever go back to that exact place, but I'm willing to try." I missed Xion, and I was glad that we were trying to build something of a friendship now.

It felt nice.

"Want to know what else you're thinking?" she asked me. She sounded just like mom.

"What?" I asked.

"I should head to the bathroom and fix my morning breath." That had me laughing harder than I'd intended because I wasn't expecting it, and by the time my chortling had died down, Xion was smiling.

 _But my grin began to fade when I thought of what Sora said… "Daddy wants to protect you," he said simply. "That's why he wants to give you away to Leon, so you can be happy and safe. That's why mommy agreed to it, too—not because she doesn't want you but she wants you to be safe… we all do."_

"Protect me from who?" I asked myself.

"Maybe _them_ ," Xion suggested, not knowing what I was talking about. However, she _did_ have a point.

Regardless, I felt so confused.

 **…**

 **Reply to guest review:**

 **Ren7720:** Oh wow! You left like four reviews! Thanks! And you're welcome! I always take the time to reply back to guest reviews so feel free to comment away. That's true about Cloud. I made him a drama king that doesn't like to verbally hash situations out (something similar to his FF7 disappearing movie version self but overtly so because I love major angst). I'll keep that romance advice in mind lol Although I have nothing against same sex couples, I haven't placed them in this fic. We do have a lot of yaoi fics in this section, though. Quite impressive if you ask me…


	10. Fluff Before Angst

**No good comes with any merriment I write because I've long abandoned believing in magic, fairytales, or good things happening to good people. I just don't see it this day in age. With that in mind, beware any, and** ** _all_** **, fluff you may stumble upon in this chapter because I guarantee you it won't be in the next one. Deception at it's finest.**

 **Best regards,**

 **-AJ**

 **Chapter 10: Fluff Before Angst**

 **Day(s): 51 (Yes, I've been keeping track :P)**

"You don't have to do this," I whispered to Axel from across the kitchen table of the Fair house. "You won't get to walk with your graduating class if you do… you won't get to walk with _anyone_." Axel was a senior, and this was his last year in high school—the year where you applied to college and hoped that senioritis didn't make you say 'Fuck the world, I'm done with this school.' I preferred that he got an opportunity to enjoy what he had left of this last year with… with peers who weren't so full of drama, like I was… "Just because I'm getting home-schooled from now on, doesn't mean you have to. I'd understand if you went back to regular school…"

I really would.

Axel was sitting backwards in his blue chair, forearms propped up on the rim and his chin resting on them. The look he was giving me, it was kind of lax, like he didn't really care to listen to my list of what he _could've_ been doing; He just cared that he was here… and I think for Axel, that's all that mattered—that's all he wanted.

 _Same_.

Even though I was constantly pushing for him to go back to public school—something he was used to—I still wanted him around. But, what I hated the most about the situation was that he was so keen on suddenly adjusting his schedule to benefit me. It didn't seem fair on his end. Everyone else had been doing it since my suicide attempt and I just… I kind of felt caged.

"I don't mind," was his lazy reply. He shrugged; his answer for everything these days. "Besides, my parents are cool with it."

"They're also therapist," I added. " _Anything_ you do, they're always cool with it—and they always ask, 'And how does that make you feel, hm?' Analytical creepers." I'd murmured that last part out, but he still heard it, and I was surprised when he chuckled… I appreciated the sound. Hadn't heard it in a while…

He barely laughed these days—heck, sometimes the bags under his eyes matched the dark ones I often sported. It was like we were more in sync than ever, too. If I couldn't sleep, neither could he, and if I was feeling like crap, so was he… And if I had nightmares… his were usually worse…

Nothing's worse than dreaming of your best friend jumping off a building… aside from it actually happening… Every time I think my life's bad, I can't help but scold myself and think, _You and your first world problems…_

And then I berate myself again, because I know that just because I have what I call 'first world problems' doesn't mean they don't hurt, and it doesn't mean I can't voice them. I'm only human… I guess that was the situation Axel always seemed to be in, from the look I always see on his face—always worrying about me. I didn't blame him, though.

Axel was… I don't know. I really screwed him up after that night, and now, I just wanted him to be all right again. I wanted _us_ to be all right again, because seeing him pretend to be fine was worse than having him yell at me, like before… Most of the time when people screwed up something, they'd make up for it, but the only way I could do that was by living, and for Axel… that might mean living in fear for the rest of his life wondering when I'll decide to go building jumping again… And that was no way to live, not having peace of mind. That was no way to function.

 _I'm a terrible friend…_

"How do you spell responstible?" Axel asked.

Xion sighed, but there was a smile on her lips. "You _know_ that's not a word, right?"

"Mary Poppins says otherwise," the redhead reminded.

She scoffed. "That's a movie, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't in the actual books… and you're going to write it in your paper anyway, aren't you?"

"Damn right." Xion's laugh gave me life.

It was nice getting some insight into her world now that we shared a tutor—Ms. Belle I think was her name. She was here earlier, teaching the three of us—at different rates, since we all learned differently. What I liked about her is that she was kind and sweet, but she wasn't afraid to make sure we stuck to doing our schoolwork the entire five hours that she was over… The way she helped Xion practice her braille, to help her learn to be independent whenever she moved… I felt like I could watch her triumph over the darkness all day—as cheesy as that sounded. Xion was very brave in my opinion, and most people couldn't live with something like this happening to them after losing so much, but… here she was.

We were genuine friends now, which I liked.

She was sitting across from Axel and me; reading over one of her orange vocabulary books. I watched with interest as her fingers trailed over each line of text, and the way she'd brush her hair behind both of her ears after finishing a section. I think it was because she knew I was possibly observing, but also out of habit… I couldn't help but feel a little bad when she reached for her chocolate donut on a nearby small, white saucer to her right, and blindly—excuse my poor choice words—reached at nothing for a good ten seconds before she finally grabbed what she desired. It wasn't something I was used to seeing, and I wished that I didn't have an urge to be overprotective of her and want to help.

But during her reach, I _had_ tried to help—I extended my right arm before I could process that I'd done it…

Which earned me a quick grab on my wrist from Axel. We met gazes briefly and his contemplative stare told me everything I needed to know: Xion could handle it. She was perfectly capable of being independent, and if she weren't—if she needed the _tiniest_ help at all—she'd let us know. That's what his green eyes assured me, and because of that, I lowered my hand and lipped a quick thank you.

Sure, every time she moved for her glass of milk, I'd become anxious. I freeze in place every time she reached for another one of her textbooks, and I'd even count how long it'd take her to acquire it… But then she'd simply brush her hair behind her ear again, place her hood on, and block out everything, like her existence revolved around getting by in the shadows…

Sorry. Getting a little deep this morning. I'm still on suicide watch and all that until… well, forever I guess… but ya know…? There were benefits—in some twisted ways.

"So- _ra_!" Ventus shouted dramatically. "Gimme back Optimus Prime!" For example, my little brothers were able to see me now. They were in Aerith's living room; Leon and Rinoa had dropped them off earlier—after picking them up from elementary school—right before he left and went to… Well, he never said _where_ he was going, just that he'd be out. Rinoa had went with him.

But it was kind of a full house, just like at Leon's place... It'd been like this for two weeks—no Cloud, no Tifa, and all three of my little brothers were temporarily staying at Leon's place while my ex-parents went to some couple's therapy retreat… The only thing that sucked was that they'd be back… _today_. I guess it was okay that they were returning; I had to talk to Cloud anyway—get some answers… To be honest, I don't think trying to work on their marriage would even benefit them. They weren't capable of being fixed, not in my mind. Their puzzles were unsolvable, and I didn't care to try and solve them anymore.

They were heartless, and I was their product—their nobody. I no longer existed in their world and they were no longer welcome in mine. _I guess that's what happens when you try and jump off a building. You really get to know yourself, your limits, your weaknesses… what you'd give up in exchange..._

 _I'd never give my kids up; that's for damn sure…_

In my mind, I pictured a stained glass platform, with the picture made of every single person that I knew and loved—or that I _thought_ I loved. I could picture three stone altars appear, one with my brothers and Leon, another with my friends, and another with my ex-parents.

I'd give Cloud and Tifa up if questioned; I might cry, but I'd gladly give them away if I got the chance. That's the path I'd choose, and gain strength in return for the offensive defense they'd been throwing my way this entire time. For some reason, I felt as if the scenario had been predetermined before I was even born, like destiny knew this was going to happen but it forgot to give fate the memo.

Destiny was an asshole.

Know what? Leon always said that Tifa wouldn't divorce Cloud because they were each other's first love, and that it's always hard to get over your first love… I bluntly told him that your first love isn't always your last love, or even the _right_ love…

Sometimes I think we would've all been better off it they divorced before all this drama, because nothing they did now could compensate the emotional abuse I've been going through—the emotional abuse they've put my _brothers_ through…

 _Nothing_ could compensate having piece of mind, and I'd never be able to get that back… just like I couldn't give it back to anyone else for nearly jumping that night… I felt like I was drowning again, like a weight was preventing me from swimming to the surface and I was sinking deeper to the bottom of the ocean, and if I didn't find help soon—

"Don't do that," Axel begged softly from across the table.

My gaze flickered towards his, and I found myself frowning. "…Do what?"

"Overthink everything—or think at all, for that matter. Not today, Roxas." His eyes were scrutinizing mine with uneasiness, like he knew exactly what was on my mind. "I know they're coming back today, and I know you're probably thinking a million things at once, but just enjoy what you've got right now…"

An exhausted huff escaped me and I bowed my head in acknowledgement. "Yeah… thanks…"

Xion surprised me when she casually said, "Maybe you should go solve who should have Optimus Prime." Her index finger was still skimming over her language book, but there was a small smile spreading on her lips. "Preferably _before_ Marlene goes into another discussion about why Barbie dolls are better for both of them, which would trigger Denzel to ask for a Genie's lamp… _again_." She had a point. We'd been through this argument enough times to know that our siblings were… adorably _impossible_ to please. There was a certain way you had to coax them in order for them to cooperate—especially when it came to who should have which Transformer's toy.

You'd think Sora would be a giver—considering that if he saw a hobo on the street, he'd offer the man every toy he owned—true story by the way—but nope. Whenever it came to sharing Optimus Prime with Ven, it was like a keyblade war would commence, and Sora would be damned if he allowed that toy to be shared.

 _It just goes to show that even the purest of hearts are flawed… and Sora's human after all—the little cutie._ Our aunt used to say to Tifa and Cloud that Sora was 'far too nice for his own good' and he needed to be 'more masculine'… He was three when she'd said this if I remember correctly… Can't remember the last time we spoke to her after that, though. As much as I agreed with Cloud and Tifa on not contacting her again, looking back, it gave me an eerie feeling knowing that they were used to throwing people they cared about away, if only to save the tiny bubble they placed themselves in… Cloud and Tifa against the world, huh…? That wasn't fair…

"Roxas?" That was Axel's voice.

 _I'm digressing again._

Sighing, I stood, scratching my chin as I peered towards the entryway. "So uh… could you two referee?" There was a battlefield in Xion's living room and I needed backup. No way around it.

Xion turned her head towards the direction of my voice. "What's in it for me?"

My eyes rolled as I crossed my arms, but my lips quirked into a smirk. "You're such a barterer these days…"

She gave me a light hum of approval, her voice reminding me of her mother's. "Axel taught me."

"I believe it," I agreed. Rubbing the back of my neck, I could feel the tension on there. "Look, I'll give you anything you want…" With a pointed look, I added, "That I can afford."

"I'd like a keyblade," she said automatically.

I deadpanned. "You _know_ I can't afford one of those, Xion." If I could, I'd purchase every type they sold in stores for myself… Come to think of it, they weighed about as much as I did—fully steel, too. Zack could've lifted one with no problem, though…

 _I miss you._ I don't think I told him that often these days. Too much drama going on…

Xion was giggling as she rose, nodding. "I know. But what about a keychain?"

"Which one?"

"The Oathkeeper one," she answered. "Wayfinder, I think it's called. I really like that one."

Axel scoffed. " _You_ would…"

Before their banter could start, I lifted my index finger. "Guys, focus." A crash made everyone startle by jumping in alarm and when we recovered, I hurried to the living room, hearing Axel and Xion following behind.

Marlene and Denzel were holding hands when I arrived, not in the 'I love you' kind of way, but more like the, 'I'm scared so hold me' kind of way. Marlene was dressed in pink today, just like her mother, and Denzel was in some denim overalls and a white shirt. My twin terrors were in matching play clothes, with Sora in red and Ventus in camouflage. They were standing next to a broken marble vase at the far end of the living room and Optimus Prime lay in the debris, along with...

 _Were…?_

 _Were those ashes?_

 _Oh my god_ , I thought, covering my right hand over my mouth. _They knocked over someone's urn!_ My brows furrowed as I swayed. _Who the hell keeps an urn on an end table?!_ I had a bad experience with one of those as a kid. I was five and I accidentally knocked our great aunt Sally's—yes, she was a basic woman with a personality to match—urn. The damn thing poured all over me, and it even got in my eyes. Since my mom… since _Tifa_ wanted to keep her remains, she took a hand vacuum to suck them off me. When she was finished, Cloud bathed me _six_ times before I thought I was clean—and even then, I was paranoid and itchy for a month…

All was silent as we looked at the mess, as if we were all spooked… I don't think Sora was breathing as his lips quivered, and just when I parted mine to speak, Marlene suddenly decided to shout, "Optimus Prime kilted my gwandpa!" Completely threw me off guard. More importantly, she hadn't accused who I thought she would: Sora. She went and blamed the poor, lifeless toy.

Axel burst in a fit of laughter and I had to admit, Marlene's outburst was adorable. Before I realized the sound, Xion was also giggling—not at Marlene's tearful eyes, but the way she'd blurted out the innocent, hysterical statement.

However, when Marlene began to cry uncontrollably, Denzel went into protective mode. He hugged her as if they'd been married for years, and I almost felt like the rest of us were intruding at the sight. They were too cute for words, really, and I suspected that if they kept this up, they'd have the right to declare themselves as pre-school sweethearts by the time they entered high school. The irony that my baby brother was better at getting chicks than me… _I'm pathetic._

Appreciating this, I actually laughed lightly, combing my hand through my spikes. "It's okay, Marlene." Although I understood why she'd be in a panic. She lost the man once; to lose someone twice would be something I don't think anyone could bounce back from. Plus she lost her dad… and she was kicked in the stomach that night when she saw his picture being vandalized…

"Yeah, kid," Axel piped up, dragging me from my thoughts. He wiped at the corner of his wet eyes, holding back his chuckles. "Besides, he's already dead." I could already picture the vines on the Internet once Axel realized what he said. _And it was at this moment that Axel knew, he fucked up._ His statement made Marlene wail harder, and Denzel began kissing her eyes whenever a tear would form. Eventually, Marlene's cries turned into light giggles and she started doing the same actions to him. It was so cute it was sickening.

"So, who's going to clean up my grandpa?" Xion asked me. She was pretty close to my ear, probably because she wasn't sure how close I was, and I was glad she couldn't see my blush.

I gulped, shrugging. "W-well, uh…"

Axel, having noticed my embarrassed action, yanked me away from her quicker than a runaway chocobo. "Roxas and I can." The light squeeze he gaze my arm told me one thing: Lost cause.

Sora chose that moment to burst into tears, wailing, "We kilted an old man _twice_ , Ven!" Don't ask me where his vocabulary skills went. Not really sure myself. "We're going straight to hell!" But he might've learned _that_ word from me…

My jaw dropped at the frenzied sight of Sora rubbing at his eyes, and out of protective instincts, I started to approach, but Axel surprised me when he made the move before I could. Let me be the first to say, that I've never really pictured him as a kid person. Sure, he talked to them, but I'd never really seen him engage so much…

But guess what? When he knelt in front of my little brother so that he was eye level, and took both of Sora's hands in his, Axel had never looked taller.

 _Respect_.

"Hey, buddy," he cooed to Sora as Ven walked up to Xion and took her hand for comfort. "You know I was only joking, right? It's not possible to kill someone twice."

Between sniffles, Sora sucked in a huge breath of air. His little lips were trembling and those wide blue eyes looked so distraught. It was a crime for all of these kids to look so cute and huggable... seriously. "Ee aut? Ugh ut edat e wases?" I knew what he'd said, having known that Sora made noises to speak instead of talking when he thought he'd done something unfixable.

My arms crossed and I smirked. _If Axel understands this, he's a frickin' keyblade master_ , I thought.

"No, it's not," Axel answered, and my mouth hung open for the second time that day. "Ashes are just ashes." He was shaking his head for emphasis. "There's no soul in them—and no heart in them, Sora. The people who got cremated are gone before all that. They leave that body when they… _die_ the first time." It was disheartening explaining death to a child, but I felt kind of glad that Axel was the one who'd voiced it.

Sora's eyes rounded curiously and he squeezed Axel's hands for security. Angelic eyes observed him with a new sense of awareness as he tilted his head and asked, "Where do people's souls go when they get cremated, Axel?"

The redhead shrugged, and he resembled the 'fun uncle' in the family that had no kids but was great with them, nonetheless—sometimes sharing more than needed, but also enough to get his point across. "Where everyone else goes, heaven."

"Nuh-uh!" Marlene piped up, approaching them. She was firmly grasping Denzel's hand and whatever she declared, he nodded the same sentiments. "Mommy says only _good_ people gets to goes to heaven."

"Then I'm going!" Ven announced, raising his free hand. Laughter flooded the room and he blushed. "Well, I am…"

Xion nodded, pulling him gently so that he was in front of her and she was resting her arms around his shoulders. "Of course you are, Ven. You, and Aqua, and Terra…" I had yet to meet these two people, but Xion had and she enjoyed them. I heard they were older than Ven by quite a few years, which had me concerned, but Leon liked them, too.

In the purest of tones, Ven asked me, "Is dad going to hell?"

My grin faded, and for some reason, I felt like I couldn't breathe again. The wind had been knocked out of me and I couldn't help but sway until I reached blindly for the wall and pressed my palm against it. I didn't want to think about death when it came to Cloud… for some reason, it didn't feel right…

Across the room, Sora was heard huffing. " _Ven_ ," he warned.

"You said dad's a good person, but he's not," Ven said, challenging his twin. It was rare that they disagreed, more than a little off-putting. "He made Roxas try to jump off a building." It got quiet, like you could hear a pen drop.

I was almost tempted to grab my pen off the kitchen table, come back, and drop it myself. The tension was _that_ thick.

"Ven," I said through gritted teeth. "I don't do anything I don't _want_ to do… understand?" I didn't want to outwardly say that I wasn't emotionally prompted by Cloud to jump, but I couldn't openly say that I was willing to take the plunge to my little brother, either. It left a bitter taste in my mouth.

With a pout, he nodded. "'Kay…"

Aerith finally made it downstairs—although I'm not sure why she took so long—and when she inspected the damage, she forced a weary smile. "Why don't you all go to the playground?" Translation: Get out of my house so I can cry in peace. She was upset; I knew that expression well…

We'd hurt her feelings, but knowing Aerith, she'd never admit it.

"Do we take the mutt or do we leave it here?" I asked. I was referring to Vanitas, who was nibbling on the front of my shoe. I was half-tempted to kick the little monster, but I heard animal abuse is frowned upon… even if said animal had a personal vendetta against everyone except Xion. I'm not even sure why Aerith kept the thing around… little nightmare if I ever saw one…

My comment got a good reaction out of Aerith and she actually smiled at me as she came to scoop him up. He was fussy, but he quieted as she stroked his fur. "You take those four pups," she said, gesturing her head towards the kids. "And I'll keep an eye on this one." Vanitas gave a bark, to which Ven stuck his tongue out.

Chuckling, I nodded, clapping my hands as I turned to face my four _pups_. "All right everyone; let's mosey."

I heard Aerith's small gasp of surprise but I didn't acknowledge it, and on our way out of the front door, I heard her whisper, "As much as you don't like it, you're more like Cloud than you think…"

It soured my mood, but I know she hadn't meant for me to hear it…

* * *

The playground was a place Xion and I hadn't been to in a while and Axel said he'd never even been before. It was kind of cute to see Marlene and Denzel drag him around the area, explaining what devices were what. Ven was off swinging while Aqua pushed him on the swing set and the two of them conversed with Terra. They were older than Ven, with Aqua being twelve and Terra being fourteen—the weirdest friendship I've ever seen, but seeing them talking from the distance, I could tell that with them age didn't matter—nothing did except spending time together.

I admired that Aqua and Terra took time out of their day to spend with my Ven, although I knew they'd face some type of challenges because of the age difference. There were things they could do that Ven couldn't, places they could go on their own that Ven wouldn't be allowed to roam without either my ex-parents or me…

Aqua was pretty for her age, short blue hair and kind, blue eyes. She wore black shorts and a navy blue top to match with some gray and white sneakers. Terra on the other hand had clearly hit puberty. He had spiky brown hair, light blue eyes, and he wore a dark shirt with some baggy, khaki pants and dark shoes. He reminded me of Sora's best friend, but only because their facial expressions matched.

There was a giant yellow slide in the middle of the area, about twenty feet, and the two ten-foot slides that framed either side of it were green. To the left of the slides, was a baby-blue merry-go-round, and to the right were two seesaws that had four different characters as seats. My favorite was Dumbo and Simba, while Xion used to prefer Bambi and Stitch…

We'd treated the kids to ice cream earlier, when the ice cream truck came around… Man, I sounded old, but we had, and now Xion and I were seated on a red park bench, embracing the liveliness around us. For some reason, the sound of all the children playing together, whether they knew each other or if this was their first meeting, it put me at ease.

"It's melting," I told Xion, who was sitting on my right. She hadn't touched her frozen treat. It was sea salt, like mine and everyone else's…

She was still smiling, though. "I missed this place… I hadn't been since we last went as kids…"

I hummed in agreement. "Yeah…"

"Hey, Riku!" we heard Sora call. He was rock climbing up the small area on the side of the slides, attached to where the wooden waiting spot was for everyone to go down. The little silver-haired child had just arrived on the sandy playground, and it had been a while since I'd seen him last. His aqua eyes were stunned to see Sora's, but they held glimmers of appreciation, despite his neutral lips. I'm not sure if he was aware of this, but Riku had as much baby fat on his cheeks as Sora did, despite being older, and he even had a constant blush on his pale skin, which rivaled Sora's. He wore a yellow shirt and some blue cargo pants with white shoes, footwear that sunk a little in the sand with each step.

There was no way to look at either of them without wanting to hug them, especially whenever they were around each other. It amplified their cuteness by infinity and the same sentiments were applied whenever Ven was added into their conversation.

It was when I saw Sora fall from the rock wall and collide in the sand that I almost lost my shit…

Parent mode activated within that same second.

I literally jerked my body hard in a move to stand and run forward, until I saw the way Riku hovered over my little brother from where he laid. He must've said something that Sora approved of because the eight-year-old laughed and sat up quickly, brushing the dirt out of his hair. It was the highlight of my day to witness their camaraderie as Riku offered his palm and Sora accepted it—reminding me of the time Axel had helped me after Hayner pushed me down the stairs…

 _Oh, right._

Hayner still didn't know about my suicide attempt. Leon told his folks not to tell him after seeing how on edge Axel and Xion had turned out… I was thankful that the news crew hadn't found out about it, either. If they had, Hayner for sure would've known. He checked the news daily to see what was happening overseas, where his dad was located. It was really sad, actually.

I wished I could've texted him and asked him to come to the playground, but I hadn't gotten a new phone since I'd broken the last one… Leon says when he was comfortable enough to let me have one is when he would be comfortable enough to let me roam around town on my own. Until then, I was under everyone's supervision.

 _Man, I'm rambling a lot today._

"Are you all right?" Xion asked me. She'd finished her ice cream now and threw the stick in the trashcan beside her.

Startled, I turned to her. "W-what do you mean?"

"I heard your breath hitch just now," she explained. "Like you'd stopped breathing entirely, and the bottom of your shoes scraped against the ground. It sounded as if you were getting up, but you stopped." Her brows were furrowing. "Are you okay, Roxas?"

She sounded genuinely concerned.

"Yeah." I rubbed the back of my neck, sighing in relief as I watched Riku brush the remaining sand from Sora's hair. "Sora fell, but Riku's there to help." He always was… Reading the child's lips, I could decipher what exactly what Riku was saying.

'You _sure_ you're okay, Sora?'

'Of course, Riku! Don't worry!'

'Just be more careful,' the older advised. 'You really scared me.'

'Aw, but Riku!'

'I mean it, Sora. That was a nasty fall.'

'Okay...' Sora was pouting. I watched as Riku ruffled Sora's hair and they began to race towards the swing set towards Ven and his friends. Even though Sora had lost, and even frowned again, he still managed to congratulate his friend once he got over his defeat. It was a quality about Sora that I cherished; even though he lost at something, he was smart enough to know that someone else had gained and it wasn't wise to be a soar loser. He could find the good in any situation… that was something I _wished_ I could do.

"It's scary to think about," I said. "The way kids are so carefree and forgiving…"

Xion hummed in agreement. "…You've been thinking a lot lately," she reminded me. "Haven't you? Especially since this morning…"

"Thanks to Cloud and Tifa," I said, agreeing with her. "They're…" I paled, and my eyes rounded. "Too high…"

"What?" Xion asked. She reached for my right arm, and she found my hand, gripping it slightly. "Roxas?" If I had been in my right state of mind, I'd have blushed at the contact, even though I knew Xion didn't feel that way about me, but because of what I was seeing, I felt…

Worried.

"Not too high, Sora!" I shouted frantically, squeezing Xion's hand for comfort. For someone so cute, he really was a liability… He was ignoring me in favoring of saying something to Ven—his latest competitor—which triggered Riku to shake his head from where he was standing on the ground. He looked mindful, and ready to give Sora and earful by the way his bottom lip puckered out.

That made two of us.

"Bet I can to!" Ven yelled back.

I secretly bet that those two would be the death of me…

Aqua's eyes were darting between the two, seeming apprehensive. "Ven!" she called, lifting her hand as she watched him swing higher. "I don't think that's—!"

Both twins jumped out of the swing…

The last time they'd done this, Sora had landed right on his elbow and chin, and he was sporting a cast for a while. He also had to get his tongue stitched back on because he'd bitten the tip off. I shivered at the memory of helping his six-year-old self off the ground and watching his mouth spill out merciless ounces of blood. It was disheartening and looking at the twins jumping now gave me chills.

During the twin's jump, Riku looked like he was going to have a heart attack; I could relate. I knew from Dr. Ansem that Riku had lost his mother… So he must've been really freaked out whenever he watched Sora do something reckless…

But once the twins got up and laughed everything, off, they raced around the playground, leaving Riku to huff in frustration. He almost looked a little defeated by the way he trudged over to me with his hands in his pockets and his head down. I would've hugged him if I'd known he wouldn't punch me in the face. See, Riku wasn't a hugger, and the only person who could get away with it was Sora... for now.

"Sora should _really_ come with a disclaimer…" was his cute reply as he peered up from under his lashes.

Xion and I chuckled. "You're telling me," I agreed. When I patted the spot between Xion and me on the bench, he debated on whether or not he felt comfortable enough to accept my invitation, but after nodding to himself he climbed on and leaned back, crossing his arms.

"Sora's upset," he blurted out. He'd spoken this in the quietest, neutralist, of voices but I could detect the hint of concern lacing his speech.

"How do you know?" Xion asked, brushing her hair behind her right ear. "Did he say anything?"

Riku shook his head, eyeing Sora from across the playground while he played with Ven, Aqua, and Terra. "I can feel it. I know my best friend." The confident way in which he stated this… I'm not sure why, but it had me smiling. The bond those two had—and at such a young age—it almost made me jealous… if it hadn't been for the admiration I had to outweigh that feeling. Riku and Sora would do _anything_ for each other, almost like how they would for Kairi, but there was something about the friendship between boys that seemed more fortified at times like these…

I internally scoffed. _Maybe I'm just biased…_

"Don't think too much," I said, repeating what Axel had warned me not to do earlier.

Large, aqua eyes—that I'm pretty sure could get away with murder—peered up at me. "My dad says I can spend the night at Sora's house when his parents get back today, but I don't think Sora wants that…" His brows furrowed at the same time mine did. "I don't think he wants to go home at all…" The reserved tone of Riku's bold statement caused me to tilt my head.

"Why wouldn't Sora want to go home?" I asked. He loved my parents, and he even defended Cloud, something I _still_ couldn't get over…

"He doesn't say," Riku said. "But I know he doesn't want to be there… Would it be all right if I asked for him to stay over at my house for the weekend? My dad wouldn't mind, and I'm sure he'd let Ven and Denzel stay over, too…" He looked uncomfortable asking me this, as if he were afraid he was asking too much, but he also had a twinge of hopefulness in his high-pitched voice.

 _Protective_ had been my first thought. Riku was _very_ protective of Sora, and in being so, that meant he was also defensive when it came to defending Ven and Denzel. I appreciated the offer.

"I'm sure if you asked Cloud and Tifa, they'd agree," I answered. _Hopefully._ They'd been gone for a while; two more days away from their kids wouldn't kill them… That'd be too easy.

Glancing back over at his friend, Riku began to frown. "...Sora told me what you did on the clock tower." Before I could respond, he surprised me by taking my hand, patting it like a I'd seen Dr. Ansem do when speaking to his child patients. "He really cares about you, and I do too, Roxas…"

"Riku," I murmured.

"If you die, you let all the people who want you gone win," Riku explained. He propped his right leg onto the bench. "You let your dad win if you do that, and he shouldn't win so easily." Looking up at me, he said, "My mom used to say there's more than one way to live; you just have to find it. I didn't know what she meant until she died, but before, I thought I couldn't live with her gone… but now…" He was smiling now. "I found another way…"

"Sora," I guessed.

Peering back over at the playground, he gave a gracious nod. "Sora…"

"Riku!" Sora called, waving like the beacon of hope that he was. "Will you come play with me?!" The grin they shared… it matched the one that Axel and I sometimes gave each other—that Hayner and I gave each other…

"Be right there, Sora!" With that, Riku released my hand and slid off the bench. As he took a few steps forward, he turned over his shoulder, pausing. "It's scary isn't?"

Squinting my eyes in confusion, I asked, "What is?"

"To think that you're all alone," he said, shifting his weight onto his right foot. He almost looked as if he were hugging himself instead of crossing his arms. "To think no one cares about you—or that they wouldn't miss you if…"

I stood, feeling uncomfortable. "Riku—"

"Sora says your dad _really_ loves you," Riku forced out. He looked frustrated, as if he were worried for me. "And Sora _never_ lies—about _anything_." He tilted his head, adding, "You know he can't hold water."

"I know that."

"Then you should believe him…" He was pouting at me, fully facing me as I went over to kneel in front of him.

My cheeks lifted as I touched his right shoulder. He really was a good kid—way more perceptive than anyone would ever give him credit for. "Thanks, Riku… Where's your dad? Shouldn't he be watching you?"

He looked offended. I could tell by the way his already rosy skin turned a deeper scarlet from the neck up. "I'm nine and a half; _I'm_ a big kid." Said 'big kid' was pouting more than ever, and I remembered that he lived directly across the large street from the public playground, in a big, gated, white house that was practically a mansion by normal peoples standards, and the windows were always open to allow the light breeze to flow through the sheer, white curtains... It wasn't hard to get a clear view of the playground from there—and vice versa from where I was standing. A flash of blond in one of the windows had me grinning.

DiZ had been watching Riku the entire time.

"Yeah," I said, my smile widening. "Big kids don't need to be watched."

Blushing again, he turned away, waving over his shoulder as he left—but not before giving me an irritable look while he pointed and said, "Don't do you _dare_ do that again, Roxas." I knew what he was referring to. _A nine-year-old is scolding me about never trying to commit suicide again… and I'm actually finding it amusing._

 _Curse my dark humor…_

The sound of Xion's laughter had me whirl around to see her left hand covering her mouth while she giggled. "Really?" I asked, but I was grinning.

" _Really_ ," was her smug remark. "That was cute." _Yeah..._

Before I could say anything, our conversation was cut short.

"Xion!" Marlene called from the seesaw where she and Denzel had taken Axel hostage. "Come play with us!"

"Be right there!" she yelled. She stood, pulling her folding cane out of her jacket pocket, and before I reached for her, I had to stop myself.

Sighing, I said, "You don't need my help." It almost sounded like a question, as if I were trying to reassure myself.

Pausing, she turned her head over her right shoulder, flipping her cane open. "If I need help, you'll be the first person I call— _if_ Axel isn't available." We both shared a light laugh after that, and once it died down, she turned and offered me her free hand. "Do you want to come with me, though?"

 _As tempting as that sounds..._ "Actually…" I hitched my thumb over my shoulder. "I think I'll just sit some more." _It'd be nice to sit alone for a while, even if I didn't trust my own thoughts… I'd still be under surveillance but from afar—less smothered and all that…_

Her grin was wary, and her voice sounded uncertain as she said, "If you're sure…" Walking away, she pointed the end of her cane about an inch or two from the ground and paced off at a speed that wasn't quite the norm, but it wasn't exactly sluggish either. "Don't think for too long," she said over her shoulder. "You scare everyone when you do that."

"Noted," I assured her, seating myself back on the bench. A long huff escaped my lips and I gazed up at the clouds, placing my palms on either side of me as I watched them. What I wouldn't give to cloud watch with Zack one last time—just to see the smile on his face as he told me how life should be appreciated—how we all as human beings had the right to live it how we wanted and nobody could take it away…

I used to believe that. I used to believe that for every problem I was going through, I'd make it out unscathed so long as I had hope… and now I realize that hope doesn't always mean something good will happen after experiencing a struggle. Sometimes it's just a placeholder—a way to escape from all the bullshit a person's going through, if just for one fleeting moment…

And then it was gone.

Making a 'tch' sound, I couldn't help but laugh out loud and slump my shoulders as I ducked my head towards the pavement and leaned forward to rest my forearms on my thighs. "Hope my ass…" I was swearing a lot today, but I wasn't sure why… Guess I couldn't help it.

"You might wanna calm down a little," a playful voice said as they seated themselves beside me. Jerking my head to my right I saw this man, who… well, he _really_ resembled—

"You look a _lot_ like Leon," I blurted out _. I kid you not._

He chuckled softly. "Usually people say he looks like his mother…"

Everything about him reminded me of Leon, actually—from his hair, to his eyes—okay his eyes looked a little more grayish in comparison to Leon's, but for the most part he just looked like an older, more upbeat version of one of my favorite people. This man had _laugh lines_ , though, whereas Leon had no wrinkles to prove that he wasn't some robot—or stuck in a time warp. Leon's hair was a darker brown compared to this stranger's, but still just as long…

 _He's not wearing all black, though._ He wore a collared, blue shirt with a white wife-beater underneath and some brown cargo pants with dark boots—definitely more color than Leon would ever wear on a daily… A silver earring was in his left ear and his hair was brushed to one side, almost as if he'd combed it over with his hand out of nervous habit or something. And the smile he was giving me…

It was warm, as if I'd known him for a long time. Everything was in that smile, like he knew _so_ much about me, and he'd come all this way just to see me…

 _Had he…?_ I deleted the thought from my mind like a computer sending a file to the trash bin. I didn't think I was special enough to warrant that friendly gesture.

He scrutinized me with a pleasant look as he leaned back and propped his arm on the back of the bench so that it rested behind my back. _Just like Leon…_ "Whatever you're thinking," he spoke up, ruffling my hair in the process. "I'm sure it's correct."

"It looks like you came here to see me," I said quietly, gazing over at Axel, who was holding Denzel's arms while the toddler sat on his shoulders. "But…" My brows were furrowing in confusion. "I'm not sure why…"

"I can't see my soon to be grandson?" he asked, quirking a brow at me.

I wasn't sure how to react to how… well, how _easygoing_ he was. It was hard not to like him, which made me feel all the more uncomfortable because of _how_ comfortable he was making me feel—like a goofy charisma…

Confused yet?

Me, too.

"I'm Laguna," he greeted. _Who has a smile this infectious besides… besides Zack?_ I gulped, blinking rapidly while I tried my best to erase the comparisons. They were _completely_ different in terms of social behavior. For one, Zack seemed more of the 'hey, I just met you, but we're best friends and you can tell me anything now' type combined with a puppy; Laguna seemed more like a goofy uncle who acted like a kid stuck in an adults body.

"I'm…" _Wow, he seems_ really _nice_ , I thought. I barely said three sentences to this guy and I already liked his company. I didn't usually like getting to know new people… It scared me, but with Laguna, I felt…

Safe?

I didn't know; it felt like he had love radiating from him, even though he'd never met me. It made me feel important… It made me feel _here_. I guess that's what every kid and teenager wanted—to be loved…

I think that's what all humans wanted.

"I'm..."

"Roxas!" he finished cheerfully, lifting his right hand. When I bashfully reached to shake it, he withdrew, only to pull me into a warm hug. I couldn't help but embrace him back, feeling this weird emotion swelling in my chest.

I think it was called happiness.

Go figure.

As we broke apart, he kept his left arm around me instead of on the back of the bench. "So, you're going to be my grandson," he said, as if he were stunned. "Man." He whistled lightheartedly and gazed up at the sky briefly before locking eyes with me. "Never thought Squall would give me one of those. He and Rinoa won't even tie the knot yet—let alone move in together, although I don't see why not…" He chuckled nervously, and he used his free hand to scratch his chin. I'll admit that it made my smile widen.

I liked him.

"You're his dad," I murmured in awe. _Squall...?_ Rinoa called Leon that, too. _Would Leon and I ever be close enough for_ me _to call him that?_

Laguna rolled his shoulders, tilting his head with the action. "Most days he doesn't claim me, but when he and Rinoa picked me and Ellone up from the airport earlier, I was told I couldn't see you until he picked you up from Aerith's place."

"So then, how are you here…?" _Ellone?_ I remembered her name... _Leon's cousin I think._

Laguna fetched some keys out of his pocket and I recognized the silver ragnarok keychain as he dangled them near my face.

My mouth hung open. "No way! You stole his car?!"

"Borrowed," he said quickly, chuckling when I gave him a deadpanned look. "Hey, I left a note on the porch…"

I couldn't help but smile, not because he borrowed Leon's car, but the way in which he said he borrowed it. Damn man had a contagious grin, too. "Aerith must've told you where we were?"

"Yep-yep," he replied happily. We were silent for a while, watching the children run around. I eventually saw Kairi enter the area and run onto the sand, her red hair flailing as she raced over to her two favorite people in her flowery, white dress and purple play shoes. Sora welcomed her by taking her hand and running off with Riku towards the large, green tunnel—their secret cave as Sora had once called it… They'd even scribbled pictures inside with chalk from time to time.

"Are all of these adorable children yours?" a woman asked Laguna brightly as she approached.

Laguna actually stuttered in reply and I sized the woman up quietly. She looked incredibly attractive, with long, curly dark hair, green, eyes, and fair skin. Through her blue blouse, I could see the outline of her tank top and her buttons left just enough to reveal the top of her assets… Her mom jeans and white shoes looked as typical as the blue baby bag she sported. She was a mom, a hot mom, with a tan line on her wedding ring finger.

 _Don't take the bait, Laguna…_ I thought. But from the looks of things, he wasn't really doing... _anything_. He was kind of…?

I wasn't sure.

"Yes," Laguna answered, sounding flustered as he nodded vigorously. "Well, no." He pulled me closer to him for emphasis, looking kind of pained. "Just this one technically—it's a long story—"

"And getting longer," I said with an arched brow. He was blushing and rubbing the back of his neck now.

 _Geez, gramps…_ I mused. He clearly wasn't good with women...

And then his leg right twitched, like electricity had shot through it or something. As I opened my mouth to speak about it, he made a noise unknown to man. It resembled something sort of an, "EROOH!" sound, and he was jerking forward—jumping off the bench and crouching so that he could clutch his lower limb. "Ah _crap_!"

It scared me shitless.

I was on my feet as soon as I recovered, kneeling as Laguna ducked his head and made another weird sound. "Um," I started, unsure of whether or not I should touch him. My hand was hovering near his shoulder. "Y-you okay?"

"Leg cramp!" was the quick reply, followed by him sucking in air through his teeth as he squeezed his eyes shut. He was murmuring, "Shoot-shoot-shoot," under his breath.

I wasn't sure if that meant he couldn't walk it off, or if I should get help, or...? "…Do you want me to call an ambulance?" the woman and I both asked, meeting gazes briefly before returning the focus on Laguna.

"Nah," he said in a dopey way, straining to lift his head and grin at me. "This happens all the time when I'm nervous—" He leaned towards me, whispering, "Actually, this usually happens when I try and talk to attractive women..."

I blinked. "Uh-huh…" _Ya gotta appreciate his honesty._

"Roxas!" Sora called me. I looked up to see that we had quite an audience. Everyone on the playground was ogling us as if we were a zoo attraction and wild animals that parent's deemed too hazardous for their kids to even approach the glass and observe. Some parents were holding their cell phones on standby and Sora marched up to me holding Riku's hand.

"Did you break him?" the eight-year-old asked me.

My jaw dropped. "What?! No way!" I turned to Laguna, touching his shoulders. "Gramps, ya gotta get up now. You're making me look _really_ bad."

Laguna lifted his left hand momentarily, waving it. "Everything's okay here, folks! I'm just making my grandson Roxas look _really_ bad!" He sounded so cheerful when he'd said it that I couldn't help but groan.

 _This guy…_

Marlene thought it best to skip towards me through the crowd as I stood, and she took my left hand, swinging it as she innocently asked, "Dids you kilted him?"

I face palmed.

"No, I dids _not_ kilted him, Marlene," I answered, rolling my eyes as I brought my free hand back down. _Where did my grammar go?_

Her right brow arched as the man mumbled out a quick, "Whelp, I'm in trouble…" She didn't seem convinced that he was going to make it. Hell, I wasn't sure he was going to make it...

* * *

By the time we arrived at Riku and Diz's house, since Axel, Terra, and I had opted to carry him to the nearest doctor, I was standing in the red-carpeted foyer and Riku was giving me this skeptic look. "Are you _sure_ all he's suffering from is a leg cramp?" he asked me.

I crossed my arms. "Kid, I'm positive."

He seemed to take my statement into consideration and we paced towards the grand staircase. I noticed that the walls were a dark brown and there were no pictures…

"I asked dad to get rid of them," Riku replied as he took my hand and led me up the stairs. He must've really trusted me by this point. He only ever held Sora's hand. Halfway, we both paused and he peered up at me. "Most of them had my mom in them… Do you like Xion?"

"Of course," I answered. "She's my friend."

"That's not what I meant," he said, and his cheeks reddened. "My dad used to look at my mom the way you look at her, so you must really love her, right?"

I coughed, touching my heart. "What's that, Sora?! You called?!" Darting upstairs, I gave Riku no time to ask me any further questions.

" _Hey_!" was the cute shout. I could hear the frustration in his voice as he chased after me. "No fair!" We'd raced up the stairs with me in the lead and once I arrived at the top, I made a sharp turn to the left, rushing past the large, white banister.

I'd apparently ran too fast because the further I ran, the longer I didn't hear Riku shouting behind. I eventually paused when I noticed a white light pouring from a random room behind a brown door and I entered.

This entire room was white on the inside, like something from the Matrix, and I was worried that maybe I'd stumbled into some bizarre room to see just how far down the rabbit hole went… A large bookcase filled with white books took up the entire right wall, and every title was of a different fairytale. There were pictures, all little drawings. Some were scattered all over the white table in the center of the room and others were on the floor… They were all drawn in crayon, and I couldn't help but smile when I saw a picture of what looked like me holding Sora's hand lying at my feet. Picking it up, I noticed that it was initialed with the letter R.

"That's you and Sora," Riku whispered behind me. "I drew him next to you because you're his second favorite person."

Flickering my gaze to his as he paced into view, I arched my brow. "Second best? Who's his…?" Riku's adorable 'do I really need to spell it out for you?' look had me chuckling. "Ah… Yeah, you and Sora _are_ inseparable…" I suspected that if anything happened to either of them, the other one would come running to the rescue. Their relationship was just that strong…

"Kairi comes in a close third," he noted.

"Where is she?" I asked. "I noticed that she left with some people in black suits as we brought Laguna here."

Riku tilted his head. "You didn't know? Her dad's the mayor now." He shrugged. "She's probably going to some press conference with him, taking pictures. It looks good when he's with her—shows the people that he's a family man. Basic PR stunt."

Placing the picture down on the table, I seated myself in the only available seat. This must've been Riku's haven when he was lonely and left with his thoughts… It was kind of sad, really… being an only child who lost his mother at such a young age.

And here I was bitching earlier about my problems…

"…Roxas?" Riku called me softly. I could see that he was gazing out of the window with furrowed brows, as if he didn't like what he was seeing. Or maybe he did and he wasn't sure why...

"You okay there?"

"How come you don't like talking about Xion?" His voice was barely above a whisper. "Are you afraid that she doesn't love you back?"

My hand shot to my temples, and I could feel a migraine approaching. "Riku… you don't understand."

He spread his arms as he turned towards me fully, leaning his back against the right side of the window frame. "Then help me to."

"I don't love her," I stated, rubbing the throbbing vein on my head. _I just like her… a lot._ Was that a crime?

"But you _like_ her?"

I found myself unsure of what to say, opting to stick with, "We're just friends," as I shrugged.

"For now," was his cute retort.

I grimaced, although my right cheek lifted afterwards. "Why do you care so much?"

It was his turn to roll his shoulders. "Just curious…"

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"This cat can defend himself just fine." He even stuck his tongue out at me, to which we both grinned. He crossed his arms, looking bashful by the way his cheeks flamed. "…Don't give up, okay? My mom used to say that at end of the day, as long as you tried, that's all that matters. If you don't try you'll never know what could've happened."

 _Way to make me feel like there might be a chance, kid…_ "Alright, Riku…"

He seemed satisfied by the way he nodded and gazed back outside, so I stood to go see about the books he had on display…

Skimming over them with my index finger, I tilted my head. "The Road to Dawn…?"

"That's my favorite book," Riku explained. As I pulled it out, I noticed that he was still peering out the window. "It's about a man who wanders through the darkness searching for his light, hoping he'll find it one day. He's lost and confused and wonders why he lost it in the first place…"

"...I'm searching, too," I whispered absently, flipping the book open.

"For your light?" Riku asked.

Nodding, I leaned against the bookcase, reading the first paragragh until I felt a tug on my shirt. As I glanced down, Riku took my hand and placed a small blue orb in my palm. It glowed brilliantly in my hand, as bright as a star. "Don't lose sight of it. My mom gave it to me…"

 _Your mom?_ "Riku, I can't accept—"

"I want you to have it... at least until you find your own," he said, sounding final as he eyed it. "I'm not sure why, but there's a light inside that never goes out."

"Ever…?" When he shook his head, I bowed my head briefly. "Thank you." I genuinely meant it.

"What are friends for?" He casually walked towards the door, turning when I didn't follow. "We should go check on your grandpa and the others. They're bound to get lost." I heard from Sora that he always got lost in this place…

"Yeah," I agreed, closing the book in my hand and placing it back on the shelf. As I followed after him, I gazed down at the blue orb in my hand, realizing that what Riku had told me was true.

I had to find my own way to live—my own light. Whatever the situation, I had to _try_.

I just hoped that it wouldn't take me too long to figure myself out...

...

 **A/N:** So like… I'm aware that there's an overload of angst in most of my chapters so I thought I'd make this one more fluffy but still slightly serious in some degrees to give this fic some balance. Not sure how I did, but you can chew me out if it's horrible lol

 **Thanks so much for reading this** and you're welcome to hit a button or leave a review! I welcome all!

-AJ

 **Reply to guest review Mikoto13:** This sad lady thanks you lol


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